I wish Gouge Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
More often than not; when someone is telling me a story
I can think about is that I can' t wait for them to finish so
that I can
tell my own story that' s not only better, but also more
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
you realize you' re wrong.
I don' t understand the purpose of the line, " don' t need
to drink to have fun." Great no one does. But why start a
flint and sticks when they' invented the tighter?
Have you ever been walking down the street and realized
that you' re going in the complete opposite direction of
where you are
supposed to be going? But instead ocaust turning a 180
and walking back
in the direction from which you came, you have to first do
something like check your watch or phone or make a
grand arm gesture and mutter
to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area
thinks you' re
crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
I totally take back all those times I didn' t want to nap
when I was younger.
The and G are very close to each other on a
keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me
and consequently I
mil never be ending a work email with the phrase
Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo
it wouldn' t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it
and that would
magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that,
but how did
we ail know how to fix the problem? There was no
internet or message
boards or FAQ' s. Gewust figured it out. Today' s kids are
There is a great need for sarcasm font.
Sometimes, I' ll watch a movie that I watched when I was
younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck
was going on
when I first saw it.
I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it
actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people.
I' ll end up
wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm
that everyone' s
laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just
a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that
I' m still
the only one who really, really gets it.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each
hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
I think part of a best friend' s job should be to
immediately clear your computer history if you die.
The only time I look forward to a red light is when I' m
trying to finish a text.
A recent study has shown that playing beer pong
to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
Was learning cursive really necessary?
ml has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud'' to ''I have
nothing else to say".
I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger. Answering the same letter three
times or more in a row on a
Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
Whenever someone says ''I' m not book smart, but I' m
smart", all I hear is Tm not real smart, but I' m imaginary
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before
just nod and smile because you still didn' t hear what they
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars
teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front.
While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road
and instinctively swerved to avoid it... thanks Mario Kart.
Mapquest really needs to start their directions on #5.
Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
would be a lot more interesting if they told
how the person died.
I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get
in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never
get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I can' t remember the last time twasn' t at least kind of
Bad decisions make good stories
If Carmen San Diego and wardo ever got together, their
offspring would probablement be completely invisible.
Why is it that during an , when the whole
has to go around and say their name and where they are
from, i get so
incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where
I' m from, this
shouldn' t be a problem-.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a
moment at work when you' made up your mind that
you just aren' t doing
anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever com es after
I don' t want to have to restart my collection.
There' s no worse feeling than that millisecond you' re sure
you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little
I' m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and
it asks me ifl want to save any changes to my ten page
that I swear I did not make any changes to.
Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never
I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of
people watching TV. There' s so much pressure. 'I iove this
show, but wilt
they Judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we
watching this. it' s only a matter of time before they all get
leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
While watching the (C) lympics, I find myself cheering
for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I
certain that when Chinese athletes don' t win, they are
I hate when Ijust miss a call by the last ring (Hello?
Hello? , butthen Immediately call back, it rings
nine times and
goes to voicemail. What' d you do after I didn' t answer?
phone and run away?