A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn' t seem to be
breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is
dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let' s make sure he' s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy' s voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"
This is considered to be the Funniest joke in the World"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson goes on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the
night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.
And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of
planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Topologically, I deduce that the time is
approximately a quarter past three.
Methodologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Ecologically, I can see
that God is all powerful and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does
it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. 'Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
This is considered to be the second funniest joke"
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green
when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in moodswing, takes off his golf cap,
closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I
have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Considered the funniest joke in the USA"
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero
gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and billion to develop a pen that writes in zero
gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below
freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That' s the ugliest baby that I' ever seen. Ugh!" The
woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted
mel" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I' ll hold your monkey for you"
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
I have more if you guys want more. inky