Little Johnny Jokes

little jonny and his dad are driving along in the car when the police stop him for speeding "fucking bastards" he said ,"dad what does bastard mean??
"just another word for police son.When they get back home his father is upstairs shaving when he cuts himself "bollocks"son asked "dad what does bollocks mean? "just another word for chin son.
so he goes to the kitchen where his mum is cooking chicken , "fucking hell" she said when she burned her self "mum what does fucking mean?"just another word for cooking son. theres a knock at the door the little boy answers it to find the police "MUM ,DAD THE BASTARDS ARE HERE! DADS UP STAIRS SHAVING HIS BOLLOCKS AND MUMS IN THE KITCHEN FUCKING A CHICKEN!

One day, the teacher puts a honey bun on each of the kids desks. When all the kids walk in they all look confused, so the teacher asks, "Does anyone know what these are?" when none of them say anything, she says, "Well they're sometimes what your mom calls your dad when he gets home from work." Johnny suddenly yells, "DON'T EAT THEM THEY'RE ASSHOLES!"

well, johnny is obviously white. If he was black, he would have just stolen the bike

Oh lil' Johnny. I got a friend that told me about lil' Johnny, I'll see if I can get the story on here for ya'.

Little Johnny was sitting at sunday school. The teacher kept asking the girl in front of him questions.
"Mary, who created the universe?" He noticed she was asleep, so he took out his pencil and shanked her with it. "OH MY GOD!", She said and fell back asleep.
Later, the teacher asked Mary another question. "Mary, who is our lord and savior?" Little Johnny noticed that Mary had drifted off again, so he poked her again.
She screamed,"Jesus christ!" The teacher moved on in her lesson.
Later, the teacher asked Mary "What Eve said to Adam after they had their 23rd child?" Little Johnny saw her asleep again, so he poked her with the pencil. Hard. She said,"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF!"
The teacher fainted.

Teacher: Johnny use the word definetly in a sentence
Johnny: teacher, do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not Johnny
Johnny: Well then I have DEFINETLY shit my pants

Little Johnny goes to school one day and the teacher has a brown paper bag
She reaches her hand in it and says it's round, it's got a stem, and it's got a leaf.
Little Johnny raises his hand and says it's an apple, it's an apple
Then he says now let me give you one
He reaches his hand in his pocket and says it's round, it's hard , and it's got a head.
The teacher says Ohh Johnny that's gross
Little Johnny says no it's a quater but I like the way you're thinking.

to be honest, I was expecting a pedo priest joke at the end...

When Johnny heard loud noises coming from his parent's bedroom, he thought they were fighting, so he ran in, and saw them having sex. Johnny runs away screaming, and his father chases after him. Johnny's dad doesn't find Johnny, but he hears loud noises coming from one of the rooms. The dad walks in and finds Johnny ontop of grandma! Johnny yells, "HOW DOES IT FEEL WHEN I'M DOING IT TO YOUR MOM?!"

It was the first day of school, and the teacher wanted the kids to say a word for each letter of the alphabet. When the teacher says "A" Johnny shoots his hand up, but the teacher knows about little Johnny, so she calls on Amy, Amy says apple. Then the teacher says "B", and again, Johnny raises his hand but the teacher calls on Bobby, Bobby says Bananna. They get all the way to R and Johnny shoots his hand up again. The teacher doesn't know a bad word for R, so she calls on him. Johnny says "Rat." and the teacher starts to say very good, but Johhny interrupts, yelling, with his arms spread apart, "YEAH WITH A DICK THIS LONG GOING, HERE KITTY KITTY, HERE KITTY KITTY!"

I found it. A new post called Old Funny Junk by wakea just went up and it's got the Lil' Johnny Letter to Santa that my friend was telling you about. Thank GOD I can quit looking now, I never did find my copy.

One day before a college teacher starts his class he says in a smart ass tone is there anyone in here that thinks that they are stupid please stand now... After a few minutes of waiting one young man stands up. The teacher of course says in a smart ass tone now why young man do you consider yourself stupid?! The young man replies I don't consider myself stupid I just hate seeing you stand up there all by yourself!

hahaha the "milkman"

Hooray! I love these jokes, but hate the gay drawings that people associate with them. Thanks! :)

would you help you uncle jack on an elephant?
yes?
would you help your uncle jack off an elephant?

At the start of the new semester of college the school dean stands up and announces welcome all to a new year of college now let me remind the older students and tell the new students any boys fought in the girls dormitories after hours will pay a $500 dollar fine any time after that $500 more will be added and the same rule applies to the girls so after saying that he asks any questions?! And at that point one boy stands up and asks how much for a year pass?!

listen fuck the bike i wanna watch lol

http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/642123/Memes+and+Whatnot/

Lol, I love Little Johnny now.