1. Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in
Why?" asks the father.
The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' I said '6'"
But that' s right!''
Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?"'
What' s the difference?" asks the father.
That' s what I said!
2. Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says
that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only
humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Johnny' s hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the
verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the
corner, and my cat went "! ', and
before he could say “FEW/ o# OFF'.", the dog ate him!"
3. one night, Little Johnny went to sleep and dreamt his Uncle Bill
died. He woke up and that evening, his dad got a call saying
that Uncle Bill died. The next night, Little Johnny went to sleep
and dreamt his Aunt Joy died. He woke up, and then that
evening, his dad got a call saying that Aunt Joy died He told
his daddy, "Two days ago, I had a dream Uncle Bill ied, and
then yesterday, I had a dream Aunt Joy died.
His dad said, "that' s just a coincidence."
The next morning he tells his dad, "I had a dream that my dad
His dad was rearmed. He had the worst day at work and took
every precaution. He didn' t eat any of the food in case of food
poisoning, and he drove slowly in case of a car wreck. When he
Fmaily got home, Little Johnny' s mom asks him how his day at
work was. "Much more horrible than your day I' m sure," his
I don' t know," said his mom, "The milkman dropped dead on
the front porch today!
B. While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed
that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
Did you get that for your birthday?' asked Little Johnny.
Nope,' replied Jimmy.
Well, did you get it for Christmas then?'
Again Jimmy says, 'Nope.'
You didn' t steal it, did you?' asks Little Johnny.
No,' said Jimmy. ‘I went into Mom and Dad' s bedroom the
other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his
watch to get rid of me.
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and
extremely jealous of Jimmy' s new watch. He vowed to get one
That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he
heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking.
Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode
into the bedroom.
His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily,
What do you want now?'
I wanna watch,' Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said, Tine. Stand in the
comer, but keep quiet.'
5. Little Johnny went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His
mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the
way he acts. She said, "Well Johnny, it isn' t Christmas and we
don' t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you
want. So why don' t you write a letter to Jesus and pray for one
After his temper tantrum his mother sent him to his room. He
Finally sat down to write a letter to Jesus.
I' been a good boy this year and would appreciate a new
Now Johnny knew that Jesus really knew what kind of boy he
was (a brat). So he ripped up the letter and decided to give it
I' been an OK boy this year and I want a new bicycle.
Well, Johnny knew this wasn' t totally honest so he tore it up
and tried again.
I' thought about being a good boy this year and can I have
Well Johnny looked deep down in his heart, which by the way
was what his mother really wanted. He knew he had been
terrible and was deserving of almost nothing. He crumpled up
the letter, threw it in the trash can and went running out of the
house. He aimlessly wandered about depressed because of the
way he treated his parents and really considered his actions.
He Finally found himself in front of a Catholic church. Johnny
went inside and knelt down, looking around, not knowing what
he should really do. Johnny rurally got up and began to walk out
the door and was looking at all the statues. All of a sudden he
grabbed a statue of the Virgin Mary and ran out the door.
He went home, hid the statue under his bed and wrote this
I' got your mum. If you ever want to see her again, give me a