Charged Up With Nothing Else
CALL CENTER I LACROSSE. WI, USA
He: "Thank you for calling [company]. May I have your first
and last name, please?"
Caller: “You people sent me a broken phone! Must got this
phone from you people Friday and have charged it all f'"'"'"'"'"'"
weekend and when I take it off the charger, it just dies! I
want my money back and you better give me a new phone!''
He: "Well ma' am, it would be my pleasure to assist you in
trying to -"
Caller: “I don' t want no damn troubleshooting! I want a new
He: “I' ll be more than happy to get you a new phone but I
first need some numbers from inside your phone to process the
request. Can you please remove the back of the phone and
remove the battery for me?"
Caller: " straight you' ll get me a new phone!'' 'noise of
fiddling with the battery cover' “You people try to rip good
folk off and squeeze every dime you fletching-" 'pause' “Ch.
He: "Ma' am, you never placed the battery into the phone
when you opened the box, did you?"
Caller: “Is that what the little black square thing is? Ch
smoke, I' ll take care of it now. Bye!"
Candid Camera, Candid Answer, Part 2
Me: "Hi, how may I help you?"
Customer: “I' d like to swap the hard drive from this old laptop
into my new one."
He: "Okay, not a problem."
f. I ring her up and start work on switching the hard drives. I
notice on the old faptop there is a handmaid over the webcam.
After Finishing work on it, the eady grabs the handmaid from
the old computer and puts it over the web cam on the new
Customer: “I put that there so they can' t watch me."
Clearer Than Black And White
Customer: "Can I get a milkshake, please?"
Me: "What flavor?"
Customer: "Yeah ."
Me: "What flavor?"
Customer: "Yeah ."
Me: "What flavor?"
Customer: "Yes l, "
Customers friend: "She said what flavor."
Customer: "Oh, I thought she was saying 'White flavor'. Must
thought that' s what they call vanilla in their country!"
Curiosity Feeds The Cat
SUPERMARKET I '-r' .. AUSTRALIA
Customer: "Can you help me please?"
Me: "Yes, of course, what can I do for you?"
Customer: "Well, I want to buy some food for my cat, but
mine doesn' t look like the one on the packet. Can I still feed it
Me: "Yes sir, of course."
Customer: "Wow, really? Thanks!"
Mountainous Gaps Cf Knowledge
TRA'.,' EL AGENCY I ARIGHTY) .. UK
Me: "Hello, can I help you?"
Customer: “Hello. I want to go on holiday this summer. Cd like
to visit somewhere a bit different."
He: “Would you be interested in visiting mountains or skiing at
Customer: "That could be fun. Except I don' t like the cold."
He: "Well places like the Pyrenees are in Spain, so it' s very
hot at ground level and there' s lots to see."
Customer: "What? No, mountains are cold. They have snow
Me: "Yes, the peaks are colder because they are at a higher
Customer: "The bottom bit is hot?"
Customer: ""...but I thought mountains only grew in cold
Shogun The Way To Go Home
I work at the cocai train station. Having spent half my no
irving in Los Angeles, and the other irving in Tokyo, I speak
both English and Japanese. The other station masters tend to
bring tourists to me, since their English isn' t as good as mine.
A tourist approaches me and speaks ioudby, snowiy, and with
very earge hand gestures J
Tourist: “I' m trying to get to [station]! Can you help me?"
Me: "Yes, ma' am. I actually grew up in Los Angeles, so I can
Tourist: 'still speaking in the same way"' “No, I' m not from
Los Angeles! I' m trying to get to [station]!"
Me: “No, ma' am, Must meant that I spent a lot of time in Los
Tourist: “No! Not Los Angeles! [Station]!"
fr. he woman' s husband, hearing his wife shouting, joins us. J
Tourist' s Husband: “To his wife“ "What' s going on?"
Tourist: "This dumb guy keeps asking if we' re from Los
Tourist' s Husband: "Why would he think that?"
Tourist: “I don' t know!"
Tourist' s Husband: “To me, speaking , but not
extremely snowiy"‘ “We' re trying to get to [station]."
I provide directions to the station. J
Tourists Husband: “You speak English very well!"
He: "Thank you sir. As I tried to explain to your wife, I grew
up in Los Angeles, so I speak English."
Tourists Husband: 'sighs' “I' m sorry you had to put up with
her. Thanks for the directions."
As they are walking away, I hear the woman proudly teii her
husband, "I mid you those Japanese lessons we took wouid
Large Signs, Larger Bags, And Even Larger
RETAIL I SALT LAKE CITY.. UT.. USA
A customer with a earge bag enters the store. J
He: "Excuse me, ma' am. You' re going to have to check your
bag there up at the front counter."
Customer: "Why?! I' never had to before!''
Me: “I' m sorry, it' s store policy."
Customer: “No it isn' t! You' re doing this just because I' m not
white! I guess rednwhite people aren' t welcome here!"
He: “You' re more than welcome here, but it' s store policy that
all shoppers check their bags."
Customer: “Show me a sign that says this is your policy!"
f. I take her up front and show her the earge, brightened sign
with bold, white letters that says customers are required to
check their bags before shopping. J
Customer: “You put this out because you saw me coming!"
Not All Is Good
I am in a public park, riding my quad. A Kittie giri comes up
and asks his a ride. Since I' m not accustomed to giving
strangers rides, I politely decline. A new minutes ten an
angry woman storms up. J
Woman: "Excuse me!"
Woman: "Why won' t you give my daughter a ride?! You made
He: "Well, I' m sorry about that."
Woman: “So you' ll give her a ride?"
Me: “No, ma' am, I' m sorry. Must don' t feel comfortable giving
Woman: "What terrible service! I am going to report you!"
f. I hear her on the phone with the police. J
Woman: "Yes, this person refuses to give my daughter a ride
on her quad. No, I don' t know her. What?! No, I am not on