Bad Roommates Part 1 of 3
The First of every month this guy is like a broken record, "Hey man... yeah, so,
like, my company... they, like, forgot to pay me. So I don' t, like, have any money
for, ya know, rent." And he says the same thing when the electric bill, cable bill,
or any other bill needs paying. But somehow his total lack of cash doesn' t stop
him from going out four nights a week, while you' re stuck eating Ramen noodles
and dryer lint just to make ends meet. And whenever you try to explain to him
that you can' t always pay for his share, he gets offended, takes a communist
stance, and says that if you were in the same position, he would totally help you
out. But, unfortunately, Amy' s doesn' t plan to double his , 000 salary anytime
The Food Stealer
We' all taken food that didn' t belong to us at some point, but the Food Stealer
is on an entirely different level. It' s as if they spent years in an early twentieth
century orphanage, learning grafting and slight of hand techniques. If you ever
happen to leave any of your food in a common area like "the fridge," they' ll
immediately eat all of it, and then when you ask them about it, they' ll act like a
drug dealer being questioned by the cops about a murder.
YOU: So, did you see the that were in the cabinet?
YOU: Yeah, , cheesy snacks, look kind of like wheat thins. You know
what they are.
THEM: OH. . Nah, don' t know what happened to them.
YOU: But they were here earlier, and now they' re gone.
THEM: That' s unfortunate. Maybe they' re just missin'. (stare down between you
YOU: Gah! I know you did it you son of a bitch!
The Party Guy
Every night this guy comes home at We in the morning, with a group of people that
all look like the fourth picture in a twelve picture "Faces Of Meth" montage. If the
sound of the music blasting doesn' t wake you up, the drunk woman stumbling in to
your room and attempting to fuck her boyfriend on the bed you' re sleeping on does.
inevitably you have to walk out into the living room, and tum down the music, and
everyone looks at you like they' re a group of graduate students and you just told
them you "don' t really care for Arrested Development." You tell your roommate you
have to be up in two hours, and they' re like "Oh, no way, okay, totally sorry. We' ll
tum this down." Then you head back to your room, and you clearly hear through the
wall, your roommate saying "just wait like two minutes and then we' ll pump that shit