George Carlin Off to Work
George Carlin --v ,
It' s Off to Work We Go
What wine goes with Cap' n Crunch? I have trouble
selecting a wine in the morning. Sometimes I give up,
smoke a bong full of Froot Loops and go back to bed.
Try that sometime. Smoke a bong full of Froot Loops, go
back to bed, and watch the midmorning movie. Call
your boss, tell him you smoked some Froot Loops,
you' re watching a movie, and you' ll be in around 2: 30.
That is, if you feel like it. That' s the way you handle a
boss. You can' t take shit from someone Est because you
work for him. Let him know who the real boss is. Tell
him it' s your Eb, and you' ll do it your way. That' s what
bosses like, people with spunk. Act the same way when
you go in for a iota interview. Let 'em know what kind
of person you are. Have a beer opener and some
swizzle sticks sticking out of your pocket. Put a little
confetti in your hair. Tell them your primary career is
partying and work is kind of a sideline. Tell the
interviewer you' ll need an office near the front door so
you can leave in a hurry at 5 o' clock. "I ain' t stickin'
around this fuckin' place after hours, HI tell you that
right now." Let them know what' s happening. Tell him
you hope it' s not one of those chicken shit places where
they dock your pay for taking off mondays and fridays.
Then, if you still don' t have the Eb, point to the picture
on the desk and say, "Who' s the cunt?" That' clinch it.
You' ll probably have a nice long career with that firm.
Once your medical procedures have been completed.