take the fucking kids already. . CUSTODY BA' . AHEHE WHAT THEY HRH! TD BE.,. >divorce custody "battles"
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take the fucking kids already

CUSTODY BA' . AHEHE WHAT THEY HRH! TD BE.,
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Views: 40492
Favorited: 33
Submitted: 09/18/2013
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#54 - grandlordchicken (09/19/2013) [-]
My parents told me "all you need in life is a computer." Then they sold my arm for a computer.
User avatar #31 - DremoraValkynaz (09/18/2013) [-]
I recently had my kids taken away from me in a divorce case. I don't know what went wrong, I tried my best to be greatest husband and father as humanly possible, always on time for things, tucking the kids into bed. My wife had terrible mood swings, unpredictable.

It was when I got home to find my wife all happy and with the kids that I realized I need to uninstall The Sims.
User avatar #51 to #31 - theblackhand (09/19/2013) [-]
I read ******* the kids into bed...
#33 to #31 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
FAKE!
Everyone on funnyjunk is either too young to get married to too fat and ugly.
0
#30 - DremoraValkynaz has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #26 - tehbomb (09/18/2013) [-]
Why do divorces always favor the woman? They get most of the toys and then the guy has to pay her for the rest of his life. The only downside is she has to deal with kids, and if she dumps them on him, he's ****** .
User avatar #40 to #26 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
It ties into a whole slue of **** . Women pull the whole "He makes so much more than me" type of ******** . Lawyers do their lawyering and, boom, the man take 10% of the assets and she takes 90%. Why? Because he has a $50,000+ a year job and she sits on her ass. Prenuptial agreements are a mans best friend, and if a woman refuses to sign it then she's just being a bitch about it. Take what you put into the relationship. Don't take my **** because you cheated on me. Obviously the woman loses out if the man cheats on her and signs a prenump because she'll get nothing out of the divorce unless adultery nullifies the agreement. It's just a *********** .
#47 to #40 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
"Prenuptial agreements are a man's best friend." "Obviously the woman loses out if the man cheats on her and signs a prenup because she'll get nothing out of the divorce unless adultery nullifies the agreement."

That is a *********** . A woman signing herself into a marriage that could leave her broke, homeless, and with children should she try to get a divorce. Some can even allow the man to abuse her knowing he has a hold of her.

Prenups should be agreed to by both parties, really, or that may be a sign that the marriage won't work out either way.
User avatar #58 to #47 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
"Prenups should be agreed to by both parties, really, or that may be a sign that the marriage won't work out either way"

A prenump cannot be official unless both parties sign. I will require my wife to sign a prenump because my family has worked to hard building the company. I will not marry a woman who hides her true motives to take what i have only to have what she wants come to fruition. A prenump protects a man from a hidden gold digger. You should read stories of some of these women who go ******* great lengths at hiding their true motives only to divorce the man over the dumbest **** and take half of everything when they put nothing into it.
#59 to #58 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
The same can be said for the man who has beaten and abused the woman just because he knew she couldn't leave or she'd get nothing.

It's a two-way street here.
User avatar #61 to #59 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
The situation is the same when the woman is the one who makes more money. She should make the man sign a prenump if she wishes to protect all her hard work. The prenump is meant to be used to protect people. If a woman or man feel that the prenump means the other person doesn't trust them then maybe the relationship should go a different direction. I'm just saying a prenump solves a whole ton of issues that divorce people face.
#62 to #61 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
I get what you're saying and totally understand.

If my husband tried to make me sign a prenup to where I wouldn't get anything if I divorced him, except any kids, to me that'd open the door too much to be abused. It'd be the same if I were a man marrying a woman.

Men and women who try to do that to their spouses don't need to get married. I wouldn't mind a prenup, if it didn't turn around and say that I would get NOTHING in a divorce except any kids.

Bottom line: Husbands and wives shouldn't screw each other over. Then a prenup wouldn't be needed, huh? lol
User avatar #63 to #62 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
In a perfect world, I'd agree with you. Human nature is fun like that. Men and women have left their spouses when they became deathly ill. Men and women cheat/divorce men and women who are deployed. Prenumps are there to help alleviate those. In prenumps there are sections for planned divorces. This is usually better for both parties because these plans are done when the couple loves each other, for the most part.
#64 to #63 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
I brought up my objection in the first place because I had heard of women who were locked in a prenup and would have gotten nothing at all, not even custody of the kids, if they divorced their husbands. To me, that guy is a jerk for doing that. If a woman did that, she'd be a jerk too.
User avatar #65 to #64 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
Well most, if not all prenumps, come with stipulations if a divorce is filed. Most of them are "fair." However, I agree that any prenumps that provide no fairness at all make the one who wants it a complete jerk.
#23 - anonymous (09/18/2013) [-]
For months now I've wanted to poop into a girls ass and have her poop the poop back into mine.
This fascination started about 3 months ago when someone linked me to a clip about it.
I asked on craiglist to see if anyone was interested, but I got no replies, so I had to find another way.
I've hired a prostitute. Im not proud of it, but my need is great.
#53 to #23 - creepyunclebob (09/19/2013) [-]
I can't imagine how you could find a prostitute desperate enough to do that.
#28 to #23 - xsolicitedsilkx (09/18/2013) [-]
I'm a little scared of you now... but.. whatever helps you get it up at night.. I guess..
User avatar #18 - roflcopterkklol **User deleted account** (09/18/2013) [-]
I hate women when it comes to kids...
Women can get an abortion.
Women can put the baby up for adoption.
Women can keep the baby.

Men can put up with it.
Men can pay child support or go to prison.
#32 to #18 - anonymous (09/18/2013) [-]
In fairness if I carried something inside me for 9 months and pushed it out my dick you better believe I would want more rights over the thing
#45 to #32 - firebomber (09/19/2013) [-]
I love arguing! grrrrr
User avatar #43 to #32 - witislimited (09/19/2013) [-]
By this logic, it means we should treat black people better because they dealt with the pain of our ******** in the past.

OR, we could just, you know, acknowledge them as equals.
#35 to #32 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
No.
Shut the **** up.
Child birth is NOT that painful. Only feminists say that because they want women to feel special and powerful. Yes it hurts like a bitch, but it not as painful as say, getting shot in the belly, or being burned alive by a ******* flamethrower.
#37 to #35 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
I've never given birth, I don't have a ****** so I wouldn't know anything about that kind of pain, but it's not because of the pain that I think women are taken more seriously when it comes to the right to a child. The baby LIVES INSIDE AND FEEDS OFF the mother for 9 months and then feeds off her some more as long as the mother breastfeeds. You're a ******* idiot if you honestly don't think that mothers had a bigger role in child rearing than the fathers do, at least for the first two years. Bigger role = more rights.
#44 to #37 - datswag (09/19/2013) [-]
Oh, are you ******* kidding me? It takes two to have sex. It takes two to make a baby, it just takes two, no way around it. Don't have sex. It blows my mind, how if a guy ***** up one night with a girl, he's stuck with the consequences for 18 years with not a damn word in what happens to that kid. A woman in the same situation, if she decides to keep it, pays for it for 3 months, if she decides to have an abortion, 9 months if she decides to put it up for adoption, or keep it. 9 months vs 18 years, ah yeah ******* right. Should a guy have the ability to say "you have to abort it"? No he shouldn't. But if he does say that, and the girl doesn't like the idea, then he should have to pay Child Support for maybe 9 months.
#52 to #44 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
Of course it takes two, but ejaculating into someone isn't exactly the same as carrying it, birthing it and breastfeeding it. Mothers have a bigger role in child-rearing, that's just basic biology. Also, idk about you but in the UK Child Support is only something you have to pay once the child has been born. I'm not telling you I don't think fathers are important or that women should get more custody, I believe in equal custody between the parents as long as they are both fit, I'm just explaining to you as a law student why most courts will give the mother primary custody, particularly when the children are quite young. No need to **** yourself...
User avatar #42 to #37 - IceDragonDrake (09/19/2013) [-]
Rights? The baby wouldn't exist without the male seed. The only way a woman has full right to a child, in my opinion, is if she used artificial insemination. The man signed away his rights when he pumped for money. Bigger role? Are you kidding me? The woman, for married couples for the most part, is out of work for a part of the pregnancy and then out of work for the first part of the babies life. She becomes a leech on the man's income. Both man and woman have equal rights and roles in the child bearing. It's insanely outrageous how skewed the laws are in favor of women in areas that don't make logical sense and vice verse.
#41 to #37 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
Well, you are just an girl.. We make more money then you.

And we men are not any whore role modell for the kids like womem are
#50 to #41 - anonymous (09/19/2013) [-]
I think you dropped your fedora.
#10 - dirtyharrypegs (09/18/2013) [-]
**dirtyharrypegs rolled a random image posted in comment #44 at we all love zuko **
**dirtyharrypegs rolled a random image posted in comment #44 at we all love zuko **
User avatar #7 - vanoreo (09/18/2013) [-]
I think if you get a divorce and both parents act like asses trying to get custody, they should just go to the godparents
User avatar #14 to #7 - helenwheels (09/18/2013) [-]
Wow that is a really horrible idea.
#49 to #14 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
Have you ever SEEN a very contested custody case? I've seen them where both parents try to make each other look bad and in that event end up making themselves look bad. I've had the judge I work with turn to me after it was over and go,"Who would you have given custody to?" and I would say,"I don't like either one of them."
User avatar #55 to #49 - helenwheels (09/19/2013) [-]
I know, there are other options than to say "Hey there little boy, you know how you love both your mommy and your daddy? Well you're never seeing either again!"
And if they could see the child then they would still talk about each other like that.
Its uprooting, it unfair and it ineffective.
#56 to #55 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
It's just as unfair to see parents use the child against each other and talk bad about each other and fight and show hate towards each other in front of the child.
User avatar #57 to #56 - helenwheels (09/19/2013) [-]
Not denying that that's horrible
The only thing that would be worse would be to rip a child away from both parents and tell them its for they're own good.

AND LIKE I SAID BEFORE if they where still allowed to see they're parents the same thing would happen.
#60 to #57 - teenytinyspider (09/19/2013) [-]
Those situations are a catch-22. Damned if you do; damned if you don't but I have heard of judges calling CPS on parents because they made each other and themselves look that bad in front of the judge. It turned out to be the slap in the face the parents needed to grow the **** up and take care of the kid even though they don't like each other.

And I have seen parents that absolutely hate each other and have fought, physically, with each other but adore their kids.
User avatar #11 to #7 - vexeranhd ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
not everyone has godparents
User avatar #12 to #11 - vanoreo (09/18/2013) [-]
most parents make agreements on who the kid stays with in the event that they both die
User avatar #16 to #12 - metalmind ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
That's not what godparents are.
Godparents are just the people who sponsor a childs baptism are supposed to oversee the spiritual development of a kid, and to be sort of a mentor.
It is a common missconception.
Look it up.
(But many parents do declare that they want their kids to stay with the god parents in case both die).
#27 to #16 - cutiepyro (09/18/2013) [-]
DO YOU SEE A BAPTISM HERE?
User avatar #25 to #16 - ugottanked ONLINE (09/18/2013) [-]
really? ive always thought that

my mom always told me that if she were to die, we would go to my godparents, they would help raise us
User avatar #22 to #16 - vanoreo (09/18/2013) [-]
I'm sorry I used the wrong term

But typically the godparents are also the emergency parents
User avatar #5 - shinote (09/18/2013) [-]
So true though. I'm building myself an awesome gaming PC in about a week, and I would WAAAAY rather her take everything just so I can keep that PC.

I can do everything with my PC, I can game, watch TV & movies, and hell, I can even get sexual satisfaction from it. What's not to love?
#36 to #5 - Slushysolid (09/19/2013) [-]
Pro Tip: Go to overclock.net or a similar site and post the build your making in the PC Gaming forum. They'll more than likely be able to help you get a better deal/better parts.

Also, go with an i5-3570K CPU, they're the ******* for the price point.
#20 to #5 - dorklordrises (09/18/2013) [-]
The children you let her take
#8 to #5 - shrolen (09/18/2013) [-]
A roof?
User avatar #3 - huszti (09/18/2013) [-]
>divorce custody "battles"
#46 to #3 - firebomber (09/19/2013) [-]
hey! it's you again!
#17 to #3 - fbiagent (09/18/2013) [-]
more like divorce custody slaughters
User avatar #21 to #17 - fukkendragonite (09/18/2013) [-]
Why can't we have Divorce Custody Wrestling. I'd watch that ****
User avatar #2 - frozensundae (09/18/2013) [-]
Lightbulb lost it
User avatar #15 to #2 - vgmddg (09/18/2013) [-]
It just had a heart attack.
User avatar #13 to #2 - shockstorm (09/18/2013) [-]
I don't believe the lightbulb ever had it...
User avatar #9 to #2 - roflsaucer (09/18/2013) [-]
The car, the house, the kids, or the computer?
#1 - stairlift (09/18/2013) [-]
op is a fag
#4 to #1 - ROTFLcopter **User deleted account** (09/18/2013) [-]
Well I completely disagree with you but have this for later, and hopefully proper, usage
#19 to #4 - anonymous (09/18/2013) [-]
That looks good c:
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