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User avatar #4 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
This reminds me of my own father

I ******* hate that guy...

When I was 4 I was in a gypsy shop and found a toy of a monster popping out of a toilet. When I got home, my dad told me that I better not go to the toilet or else the monster will come up and grab my ass. I didn't poop for a week

Before I lost my virginity I was feeling nervous and asked him what the real average size was. Without even looking my way he just said "Oh, you know, 12 inches"

When we were coming back from camping when I was a tad young (13) I had the window open and a wasp flew in and landed on my lap. His only words were "Watch out, he looks pissed, he's gonna bite your nuts". He wouldn't even pull over to let me flick him out and I spent 20 minutes just flicking away/avoiding the wasp as it came back to sting me

2 camping trips ago he told me he had a pellet gun and was gonna test his shots by shooting me, but he would be a good dad and give me a heads up by yelling "RUN!" first. The only time he yelled it is when we were driving back on the road. I thought he was joking. I was wrong. He didn't stop till I jumped out of the car and ran into the woods

One camping trip ago, while we were driving back, I called him out on all his jokes and told him he was an ass and I will probably have some serious damage when I'm older. His only response was taking that same pellet gun and shooting me point blank the arm, saying "You can't hit me, I'm driving", then shooting me again in the thigh

That same camping trip earlier I encountered a lovely young lady, hit it off wonderfully, had a kiss, then ran back slightly late for dinner. When I told him I was late because I got a kiss, his only reply was "Oh", then, pointing to an extremely old man walking the way I came, asked "Was it from him?"

I saw him pooping with the door open once, and when he saw me he only looked me in the eyes and kept going

I ******* hate that guy...

The best part is, I know I'll be just like him when I'm older with my kids
User avatar #41 to #4 - sonnyboii ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Im pretty sure ive seen this somewhere else
User avatar #44 to #41 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
You have, I reposted it in the hopes someone would get a laugh out of it. In a comment below I specifically asked people not to thumb it up
User avatar #46 to #44 - sonnyboii ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Ah, its cool bro
#37 to #4 - foreveragunner ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
am i traveling in the ******* tardis ?
User avatar #45 to #37 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
No. Dr.Who is getting annoying by the way
User avatar #36 to #4 - legamethatyoulost (09/14/2013) [-]
Maybe you should stop going camping with your dad.
User avatar #16 to #4 - meanmagikarp (09/14/2013) [-]
your dad's a fuarking boss
User avatar #14 to #4 - thornberry (09/14/2013) [-]
You only needed to tell us the first time
User avatar #47 to #14 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Not everyone has seen it, some would still find it funny, and it would be a shame to deprive a good story just because you don't want to hear it again
User avatar #49 to #47 - thornberry (09/14/2013) [-]
I was just kidding with ya
User avatar #50 to #49 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Oh, sorry about that. It's hard to tell sarcasm over text
User avatar #71 to #50 - thornberry (09/14/2013) [-]
BACK THE **** OFF!

its okay
#12 to #4 - anonymous (09/14/2013) [-]
Dude calm the **** down. You were 41, you should care what you dad thinks/does to you.
User avatar #51 to #12 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
I suppose you were trying to say that I shouldn't be so irritated over my fathers actions because he's my father. In short, I'm not irritated, I love my father and appreciate all the time I spend with him, I figured the last line would get across that I would like to take after him when I'm older
#11 to #4 - anonymous (09/14/2013) [-]
you are a ****** no-one cares. If you want to go cry and bitch get off this site and go **** yourself
#10 to #4 - anonymous (09/14/2013) [-]
i was expecting some ****** up 4chan-green-text **** at the end like: "i miss him" or "and then he walked the dinosaur"

good for you
#9 to #4 - dickthebutt (09/14/2013) [-]
copy paste.... wtf
User avatar #48 to #9 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Yes it is, because I figured some people might still enjoy it
User avatar #5 to #4 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
Please do not thumb this up. It is a repost of something I said on the same post a while back. I just thought it was funny and would bring many laughs over my based father
User avatar #54 to #5 - mistafishy (09/14/2013) [-]
Dude, I got SO ******* confused.

I was freaking out- I remember replying to this same post already and I was all like- FJ has an archive!?
User avatar #43 to #5 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
I ask you ******** to do one god damn thing, and you can't even do that right...
User avatar #21 to #5 - chezburgadominator (09/14/2013) [-]
I was about to mention how this post sounded familiar.
User avatar #20 to #5 - whtkid (09/14/2013) [-]
I actually tought that i somehow came back to the exact same post for a secound because of you
User avatar #6 to #5 - slightly (09/14/2013) [-]
**** you.
User avatar #7 to #6 - captainfuckitall ONLINE (09/14/2013) [-]
It seems you're slightly fanny-troubled
User avatar #26 to #7 - qwertyuioplkjh (09/14/2013) [-]
WAIT A SECOND...Is he 'slightly', the fanny troubled OR slightly-fanny-troubled?
User avatar #8 to #7 - slightly (09/14/2013) [-]
Exactly.
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