Shit people say. . PEOPLE Shy IN Attorney: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? Witness: Gucci sweats and Reebok. Attorney: Are you sexually activ
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Shit people say

**** PEOPLE Shy IN
Attorney: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reebok.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, Ijust he there.,
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th,
Attorney: What year"?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: This graves, does it
affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does it affect
your memory?
Witness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the
next morning"?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son. the .
how old is he?
Witness: He' s 20, much like your ID.
Attorney: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ******** me?
Attorney: So, the date of conception was
August tth?
Witness: Yes,
Attorney: And what were you doing at that
time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes,
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor. I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage
terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by who' s death was it
terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I' m
going with male.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them, The live ones put up
too much of a fight,
Attorney: Ail of your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Witness: Chat...
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8: 30
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at the
time?
Witness: If not he was by the time I finished.
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that
question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So. then. is it possible that the
patient was still alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Witness: lonly have one, you know.
Attorney: How old is your son. the one living
with you?
Witness: or , I can' t
remember which.
Attorney: Haw long has he lived with you?
Witness: years.
Attorney: Sir, what is your ID?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well. I think.
Attorney: How far apart were the vehicles at
the time of the collision?
...
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Views: 13441
Favorited: 58
Submitted: 09/11/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #4 - DmOnZ (09/11/2013) [-]
My dad's an orthopaedic surgeon and he gets called in as a consult for a lot of union related court cases where someone is trying to get compensation for injury. Anyway, so this is an actual conversation that he told me about between him and an attorney.

Attorney: Now Dr.Anon, what would you say is the full recovery rate from my clients injury.

My Dad: About 20%

Attorney: And on what basis do you make this claim.

My Dad: Oh I don't know, maybe because I'm a doctor...

Attorney: No, no. I meant why did you say that?

My Dad: ...A) because you asked me, and B) because I'm here as a consult for my knowledge in the medical field.

Attorney: Mhmm, and what type of medical degree do you have?

My Dad: Are you serious...

Attorney: Just answer the question please... PHD, MD?

My Dad: *turns to judge* Is this guy a licensed attorney?

Judge: If he is, I'm pretty sure he won't be for long...
#1 - laziness (09/11/2013) [-]
This 						****					 is good
This **** is good
#5 - LTB (09/11/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#2 - iamnuff (09/11/2013) [-]
heard some of these before.

if my lawyer started saying stuff like that, then i'd ask for a new lawyer too.
User avatar #10 - Lintutu (09/12/2013) [-]
Well the birthday question wasn't stupid, but rather the witness being an asshole
#12 - nigeltheoutlaw ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
"What school did you go to?"
"Oral..."

Good comp OP, even if it's not OC.
#8 - commanderbunbun (09/12/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #15 - sirvarayne ONLINE (09/12/2013) [-]
I should give up on med school and go to law school, these guys make being an attorney look as easy as idiots posting **** on facebook.
#14 - anonymous (09/12/2013) [-]
It doesn't matter, it has to do with the fact that its coming from the witnesses mouth.
#7 - spacemasterfive (09/12/2013) [+] (1 reply)
i read it in a british accent
User avatar #6 - idoliam (09/12/2013) [-]
I've seen this soo many times, but this is one of my favorite posts.
User avatar #3 - therealtravieso (09/11/2013) [-]
Laughin my ass off right now!
#9 - tisjunkisdamnfunny (09/12/2013) [-]
This is 						****					 that is probably never said in court.    
its just plain shannanigans
This is **** that is probably never said in court.
its just plain shannanigans
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