Home Funny Pictures YouTube Funny Videos Funny GIFs Text/Links Channels Search
Anonymous commenting is allowed
#22 - wardylol (09/08/2013) [-]
****************** it's telekinesis time for you piss sacks. Every ******* post about superpowers, it's just beta **** nuggets saying "Oh s-s-stopping time would be cool, maybe invisibility so i don't have to interact with p-p-people.."

Well i'm going to ******* tell you why telekinesis is best superpower and you're going to ******* like it.

Wanna fly? pick yourself up and fly like a majestic creature of the heavens with TELEKINESIS.
Super strength? pick up/destroy anything you want (even from a distance) with TELEKINESIS.
Invulnerability? create an impenetrable shield around your body with your godamn TELEKINESIS.
Mind control? control your foes every movement like a puppet with ************* TELEKINESIS.
Sex god status? stimulate any and every nerve of your prey's body with your mighty TELEKINESIS.

************* better recognize this power of the gods.

User avatar #251 to #22 - instakill ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
personally I would say the ability to move at the speed of time (the flash can move this fast) where at full speed to you it would seem that you were moving at a normal rate but in all actuality you were moving so fast that no time at all had passed
#245 to #22 - unoriginalaccount (09/09/2013) [-]
There was a movie about that.
Didn't end to well.
#242 to #22 - qqerryday (09/09/2013) [-]
Or the ability to warp reality.
That literally gives all powers you can think of and then some.
Because they don't even have to exist.
Because you control what exists and what doesn't.
#241 to #22 - jjsh (09/09/2013) [-]
Freeze time ******
User avatar #237 to #22 - iamcraig (09/09/2013) [-]
Everything you say is true
Best power ever

You could even reverse what you've done with your powers
**** your telekinesis
I could just say you don't have telekinesis
User avatar #230 to #22 - alltimetens (09/09/2013) [-]
Time control allows me to go back in time and kill your parents so you would have never been born. Conversation over.
User avatar #212 to #22 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
I say the same thing with teleportation, any power can be the ultimate power, as long as you are clever.
User avatar #203 to #22 - burningsmurfs (09/09/2013) [-]
You say that but you know half of the world would sit around masturbating without moving their hands.
#200 to #22 - wilyamn (09/09/2013) [-]
but what happens when chronicle happen?
User avatar #196 to #22 - MikhailMBK (09/09/2013) [-]
And with that power you can control your own blood! think about it you prick your own finger and you have blood bullets!
User avatar #177 to #22 - ompalomper (09/09/2013) [-]
im not implying that you are wrong. im implying that the chance of being that telekinetically powerful would be either impossible or extremely hard.

i would just go for super intelligence and fix the damn world.

some gene plagues there, some genetic therapy elsewhere, a breakethrough in FTL travel , some energy weapons, space ships, AI and quantum computers later and we are golden for the future.

why? because i like humans and i am so ******* tired of us not colonizing mars and exploring the stars. seriously, 10 years of all of humanity not being ******** and anyone could become a demigod or even a god if we find a bunch of worlds with no sentient life on them.
User avatar #167 to #22 - nommonsterbaa (09/09/2013) [-]
Why are you not using telekinesis to flip that table?
User avatar #157 to #22 - telekinesis (09/09/2013) [-]
YEAH, TELEKINESIS IS BEST POWER, **** ALL THOSE OTHER GUYS I AM THE STRONGEST-EST.
User avatar #156 to #22 - blackrookfiend ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Telepathy(and by extension influence over minds) would do the job of most of the stuff you just named pretty well too.

If we're talking about total control, then telepathy has a lot over telekinesis as not only does it allow you to more or less stay in control of your entire life without anyone even knowing, but it also makes it so that you can gain a level of enlightenment beyond a normal human being.

You could be superior without anyone even realizing it. Everyone would be your pawn and there'd be absolutely nothing anyone could do about it, as they wouldn't even be aware.

Of course, if you want to go the route of chaotic evil, then yes, telkinesis would probably be better, as it would place you at the forefront of subjugating and/or destroying all.

User avatar #151 to #22 - newforomador ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
Even better then telekinesis, complete control over space. It's like telekinesis, but times 10. You could do the equivalent of freezing time by stopping the movement of everything in existence. You could break the laws of physics, because you control physics. Feel like going swimming? Materialize a pool right in front of you. You want to be invisible? Multiple options, turn your body into pure energy while keeping your consciousness, or just warp light around your body. You could also have omnipresence if you wanted to, so that you could know everything. I know what you're saying, "The human mind isn't capable of processing all that knowledge." Well you know what, **** the human mind! You control everything, create a giant database on Pluto (or turn Pluto into a giant database, your practically a god, why should you give a **** ) that stores all data of everything ever that lets you look anything up by saying a few words.
User avatar #148 to #22 - jouten (09/08/2013) [-]
Good luck telekineting somebody who can control time
User avatar #152 to #148 - newforomador ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
If you stop the electrical currents in their head but keep blood flowing to keep them alive they wouldn't be able to stop time.
#106 to #22 - anonymous (09/08/2013) [-]
What about my power over matter and anti-matter?
Whatever your best defense is... I must merely think you don't exist and viola.... gg
User avatar #102 to #22 - bababadsheep (09/08/2013) [-]
I have been saying this for years. It's is literally the best goddamn superpower out there. It's got that power and scales up nicely, crazy ************* utility and you are basically untouchable by anyone ever. Gaining 4th dimensional being status is for pussies.
#129 to #102 - gaaay (09/08/2013) [-]
"best goddamn superpower out there."

I dunno bro, The Flash outran the concept of Death. None of this reaper ******** , he literally outran a concept, a ******* CONCEPT. Now imagine being hit by something moving faster than a concept. You're ****** . Telekinesis can't help you, he'll just outrun the concept of it.

Speed Force is some OP **** .
User avatar #132 to #129 - bababadsheep (09/08/2013) [-]
I would like to take a moment to silently appreciate how ******* powerful Flash has been built up to be. He used to just be the guy than ran fast, now he has all of this crazy **** like being faster than instantaneous travel, outrunning the concept of death, and making clothes out of fast. However I do stand by my assertion of best superpower out there. It might not be the most powerful, but you get to keep your humanity while becoming a god on Earth. I can settle for calling it subjective best at a bare minimum.
#136 to #132 - gaaay (09/08/2013) [-]
I will give you that, Speed Force is some mighty OP **** , but there's not much utility to it.

Also, the guy who wrote the comic where Flash outran the concept of death was a massive Flash fanboy, he just wanted his hero to be invincible. Though you have to hand it to him, it was within the confinements of the Speed Force power, so it's canon.
User avatar #99 to #22 - imnotkickthecat ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
But does telekinesis bring healing powers like wolverine? Thats what I want.
User avatar #92 to #22 - rakdinas (09/08/2013) [-]
YOU FOOL.
the ultimate power is always be right, always telling the truth! the universe will be your playground! other than that, creation out of imagination is also very ******* powerfull.
#79 to #22 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
Time control, with infinite time, you can figure out how do genetically enhance yourself to do anything else, including telekinesis
User avatar #80 to #79 - telekinesis (09/08/2013) [-]
Including me? <3
I'm never included in activities.
#84 to #80 - yomommabinshoppin (09/08/2013) [-]
I'll give you every power once I figure out how, and you and I can kick ass together
#71 to #22 - arsenalthegunners (09/08/2013) [-]
welp, there is acceleration
User avatar #216 to #71 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
dude accelerator was waaaaaaaay to ******* powerful and I loved it, another thing it wasn't acceleration more vector control
User avatar #250 to #216 - arsenalthegunners (09/09/2013) [-]
welp he could multiply that power too. But I myself, would choose this too
User avatar #66 to #22 - admiralen (09/08/2013) [-]
controlling gravity would be pretty metal too
#65 to #22 - mrnaanbread (09/08/2013) [-]
Nope, although I see your point, by far best superpower is control over time, i'll explain why:
So you're gonna tear me limb from limb with your mental abilities? Watch what happens as I speed up time for you and you become a dried up corpse before my very eyes.
Too easy? Then stop time and stab you.
Or...
slow down time for everybody else, and suddenly I'm moving too quickly for you to even think, and since your powers are thought based...yeah I'd say you're ****** .
User avatar #220 to #65 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
Use telekinesis to create a tiny bubble universe for you, so you actually think you are winning and killing me while you are actually just stuck inside of your own little world, comatose to anyone who sees you.
#254 to #220 - mrnaanbread (09/09/2013) [-]
So reverse time until the beginning of that bubble universe, which becomes incredibly unstable to the point that you can't keep it in a constant temporal flow because of the massive fluctuation you're causing, this is damaging to your mind and weakens you.
User avatar #258 to #254 - crazyhindu (09/09/2013) [-]
Ah but the bubble universe merely makes you think you are reversing time while you actually just stuck inside of your own mind unaware that you are infact in a lucid state you believe you are victorious and continue your life.
#260 to #258 - mrnaanbread (09/10/2013) [-]
Which begins a paradox wherein I believe I am corrupting that universe, until the apparent futility of my actions mean I realise i'm inside a bubble universe inside the original bubble universe, so corrupt the temporal chronology of that one, this repeats until you literally can not contain the infinite closet realities, the entire paradigm collapses in on itself, possibly being enough to render you comatose.
User avatar #261 to #260 - crazyhindu (09/10/2013) [-]
You seem to believe that there is a bubble universe, there is no bubble universe that was merely an analogy you see you are stuck inside of your own mind. kind of like another world a dream world and since time does not exist in dreams you are stuck there until you can find a way to get out of the coma or if an outside force pulls you out.
#262 to #261 - mrnaanbread (09/10/2013) [-]
Then you have to keep me in that bubble universe for eternity, and since I'm alright with time that's cool, but eventually you'll wear out and be forced to obliterate the universe, I travel back into the real world, reassert my molecules to a previous state that wasn't decaying out of age.
User avatar #263 to #262 - crazyhindu (09/10/2013) [-]
Ah you see its self continuing since you are inside your own mind it will continue its self you see I just got the ball rolling, it will only end when you yourself die(or die in the dream but you wouldn't know that but you do now.)
#264 to #263 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
But I control time, everywhere and everywhen, regardless of which universe I'm in, and I live forever if I choose.
User avatar #265 to #264 - crazyhindu (09/11/2013) [-]
But you are inside of a dream where time does not exist.
#269 to #265 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Then everything happens at once? Only someone with a mastery of time could do that.
User avatar #271 to #269 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
No, you see everything just happens as it comes along, meaning you would not be able to control "time" in the dream because it is an alien concept, you would think you are but really all that is happening is you are seeing what I want you to see. its kind of like inception well actually it is inception I planted the seed in your mind and it just grew and you followed it like a machine, it happened not because you wanted to happen but because I made it that way. You would live out your life in the dream while your actual body would be aging away. I wouldn't need to be there to control it or keep you in there. you are stuck like a rock, UNLESS you figure it out which you wouldn't it would be impossible it would be very much real unless some how there was some tiny micro minuscule detail I missed and you caught on then it would fall apart another way would be an outside force another telepath or a dreamwalker or something to pull you out, which is honestly the most likely case, you see its a prison for you one you cannot escape but can be saved from. its near perfect if you lived a life with no absolutely no teammates or comrades or someone who wanted to use you for your power(<--most likely)
#272 to #271 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
But you can't affect time, even in an alternate universe that you created, and after millenia of being alone in a parallel universe, I would eventually guess, because I have eternity to figure it out, from then on I can dismantle the universe and wake up in the real world.
User avatar #273 to #272 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
But you wouldn't have time control abilites, your physical body would die before you figured it out.
#275 to #273 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
Time is the same thing, no matter what dimension you're in, and since all you have is telekinetic powers (I'm assuming we're human in this scenario) you can't imagine a dimension so different that time doesn't exist.
#274 to #273 - mrnaanbread (09/12/2013) [-]
My physical body can't die, I control time.
User avatar #276 to #274 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
but you aren't using you powers to keep yourself young, unless you can subconsciously keep them active. then you are just a comatose guy for a millenia and you would be out of my hair for a long long time, ergo defeated. and out of my way by the time you wake up I would be long gone.
#277 to #276 - mrnaanbread (09/13/2013) [-]
Why wouldn't I? And If you are dead by the time I escape, then I will turn time backwards for you until you are back and ready for me to time - torture.
User avatar #278 to #277 - crazyhindu (09/13/2013) [-]
Then I would just lather rinse repeat.
#280 to #278 - mrnaanbread (09/14/2013) [-]
You can't I'm ready for it and you're not, and I would be more careful this time, you could have infinite telekinetic powers and if I was messing with your time there would be nothing you could do, perhaps I could just bring you back but without your brain.
#266 to #265 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Time always exists, it's a universal truth.
User avatar #267 to #266 - crazyhindu (09/11/2013) [-]
There is no such thing as time though.
#268 to #267 - mrnaanbread (09/11/2013) [-]
Yes there is.
User avatar #270 to #268 - crazyhindu (09/12/2013) [-]
No you see time itself isn't real it isn't tangible it is merely a concept( I'm talking real world terms here)
#63 to #22 - mostcertainlynotop (09/08/2013) [-]
But can it tell you why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
#58 to #22 - witislimited (09/08/2013) [-]
Warning: there's science in this 						****					.   
   
Telekinesis also offers other more direct benefits. Besides reading minds, you could insert an idea into their head such as &quot;Your wife is cheating on you&quot; or &quot;You have pressing business at work.&quot; and once they leave, could just sneak in and rob em quick.   
   
It also gives the benefit of pyrokinesis- increasing the vibrations of the molecules of anything, so you can pull an explosive fireball out of air or get something to burst into flames from a distance. Another possibility is to form a thin disc of super heated plasma/fire and force many small pockets of air through it, instantly forming a 						*******					 fireball machine gun.   
   
The reverse (cryokinesis) is also possible, chilling it till water (or other gases like oxygen, carbon dioxide, etc.) liquefy or solidify and crystallize. Use with nitrogen for best results.   
   
Theoretically, you could also pull electrons from nearby matter which can not only react whatever the hell you want, but can also let you manipulate electricity. This might be challenging, and definitely more so with protons due to the strong nuclear force. Still, doing so would make you a walking chemical and nuclear reactor.   
   
Superpowers can be more then just a daily convenience.
Warning: there's science in this **** .

Telekinesis also offers other more direct benefits. Besides reading minds, you could insert an idea into their head such as "Your wife is cheating on you" or "You have pressing business at work." and once they leave, could just sneak in and rob em quick.

It also gives the benefit of pyrokinesis- increasing the vibrations of the molecules of anything, so you can pull an explosive fireball out of air or get something to burst into flames from a distance. Another possibility is to form a thin disc of super heated plasma/fire and force many small pockets of air through it, instantly forming a ******* fireball machine gun.

The reverse (cryokinesis) is also possible, chilling it till water (or other gases like oxygen, carbon dioxide, etc.) liquefy or solidify and crystallize. Use with nitrogen for best results.

Theoretically, you could also pull electrons from nearby matter which can not only react whatever the hell you want, but can also let you manipulate electricity. This might be challenging, and definitely more so with protons due to the strong nuclear force. Still, doing so would make you a walking chemical and nuclear reactor.

Superpowers can be more then just a daily convenience.
#246 to #58 - Jesusnipples ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
That gif makes this comment ******* perfect. Take my thumb
User avatar #253 to #246 - witislimited (09/09/2013) [-]
I'm glad you liked it.
User avatar #236 to #58 - hydraetis (09/09/2013) [-]
Isn't the mind-related **** Telepathy?
#214 to #58 - stopsdropsand ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
How would you insert thoughts into people's mind with telekinesis?
User avatar #218 to #214 - witislimited (09/09/2013) [-]
See #88, then read the following:

Using your inhuman comprehension of the human brain's computer logic, you inject electrons into the right neurons and fire them through the correct synapses to create a thought.
#227 to #218 - stopsdropsand ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
If you can manipulate an object with the size of 2.82 X 10^15 meters with the precision and accuracy to create a specific thought, then you have transcended every aspect of being a psychokinetic in the first place. There wouldn't be a point in inserting thoughts into people. You could just split a few atoms and be on your way.
User avatar #232 to #227 - witislimited (09/09/2013) [-]
I was talking about the utility of the ability (telekinesis) to move objects around not just on a human size or even molecular level but on a subatomic level. So I'm not sure how the idea of discussing psychokinesis came in. Besides, that's just an idea (not sure how telepathy works) put there just for the hell of being an idea.
#235 to #232 - stopsdropsand ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
psychokinesis is telekinesis, but it also refers to the stuff the #22 was talking about such as self levitation and what not. But again, creating artificial thoughts through such mechanisms seems convoluted as hell.
User avatar #252 to #235 - witislimited (09/09/2013) [-]
Psychokinesis = many abilities influenced by mind+telekinesis

I was only mentioning telekinesis and how mind reading is possible with telekinesis only, as in opposed to psychokinesis and telepathy. I don't like being painfully obvious.

Still the position of matter is everything so you can pick yourself up with telekinesis as in opposed to psychokinesis.
#256 to #252 - stopsdropsand ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
Ok buddy
#146 to #58 - slashendrix (09/08/2013) [-]
much like inception
#147 to #146 - witislimited (09/08/2013) [-]
Indeed. The idea of an ability to manipulate thoughts is scary as 						*****					 example, how are you certain those are your own thoughts and you are not in fact being manipulated by a telepath?
Indeed. The idea of an ability to manipulate thoughts is scary as ***** example, how are you certain those are your own thoughts and you are not in fact being manipulated by a telepath?
User avatar #169 to #147 - stupidaccounts (09/09/2013) [-]
And now a thought that scared the crap out of me a while ago that I managed to get out of my head, is back.
User avatar #64 to #58 - elephantxmaster (09/08/2013) [-]
the first thing you described was telepathy, not telekinesis
User avatar #88 to #64 - witislimited (09/08/2013) [-]
True, but telepathy could extend from telekinesis. Thoughts are just electrical signals running through the brain- still electrons, which could still be read and moved. However, the necessity of the comprehension of every synapse makes this method extremely ineffective for a slow, distracted human brain. Still, similar to how scientists invent new technology and bring to light new knowledge, there is likely a better way still possible with telekinesis.
#158 to #88 - blackrookfiend ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
There's really no point in going this far, as if you were to say that a being would have a mastery of telekinesis of this magnitude, they might as well be a god anyway.

Which just makes them the phoenix. You know, arguably the most powerful Marvel creation ever. So honestly, not really that original of an idea. Jean Grey was a powerful mutant for a reason.
User avatar #67 to #64 - Saeka (09/08/2013) [-]
Not with that attitude.
User avatar #45 to #22 - thewhimsicalfox (09/08/2013) [-]
Actually, I'd prefer perfect mimicry.
User avatar #43 to #22 - tehpwnz (09/08/2013) [-]
reality manipulation>telekinesis
User avatar #39 to #22 - diabolicgnome ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
Perfect Immortality
#96 to #39 - zezenzerg ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
that is my worst nightmare. I'd have explosive diarhhea every day for the rest of my life than be immortal.

**** that ****
User avatar #97 to #96 - diabolicgnome ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
**** you im imortal
User avatar #38 to #22 - goobyman ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
watch the movie chronicles.
User avatar #42 to #38 - maxismahname (09/08/2013) [-]
Chronicle*
User avatar #47 to #42 - goobyman ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
sorry, correct.
User avatar #33 to #22 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [-]
The power to control time can still beat someone who is telekinetic.

They can just stop everything, and age your ass until you're old as **** and your body fails on you.
User avatar #44 to #33 - maxismahname (09/08/2013) [-]
but what if you're not talking about fighting, and just other stuff
User avatar #70 to #44 - anonymousbrony (09/08/2013) [-]
I just felt like putting that out there.

In my opinion I'd rather be able to control time.
User avatar #29 to #22 - Jesusnipples ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
You could also use your telekinesis to **** with people's bowels!
User avatar #28 to #22 - vanoreo (09/08/2013) [-]
^
User avatar #26 to #22 - robotvoice (09/08/2013) [-]
prey?
what are you?
a sexual predator?
#231 to #26 - therealluffa (09/09/2013) [-]
No, he's the apex predator.
User avatar #24 to #22 - listerthepessimist (09/08/2013) [-]
but I want to set things on fire
User avatar #25 to #24 - huszti (09/08/2013) [-]
use lighter to set something on fire, pick up the fire with telekinesis, throw it wherever you want.
User avatar #23 to #22 - ragingspacepanda ONLINE (09/08/2013) [-]
Buy TELEKINESIS for the amazing price of $19.95!!!! You cannot get this in stores ladies gentlemen!!!!
User avatar #75 to #23 - telekinesis (09/08/2013) [-]
Bitch I only accept ADAM as payment, can't have me with your petty human money.
User avatar #170 to #75 - meganinja ONLINE (09/09/2013) [-]
my name's Adam. If I give you myself, you'll give me yourself?
User avatar #173 to #170 - telekinesis (09/09/2013) [-]
I think we could work this out.
#27 to #23 - ponybroski (09/08/2013) [-]
ill take one
 Friends (0)