Jokes. . Ering. This reminds me of my own father I hate that guy... When I was 4 I was in a gypsy shop and found a toy of a monster popping out of a toilet. When I got home, my
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Jokes

Ering
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Views: 39982
Favorited: 46
Submitted: 08/20/2013
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User avatar #4 - captainfuckitall (08/21/2013) [+] (33 replies)
This reminds me of my own father

I ******* hate that guy...

When I was 4 I was in a gypsy shop and found a toy of a monster popping out of a toilet. When I got home, my dad told me that I better not go to the toilet or else the monster will come up and grab my ass. I didn't poop for a week

Before I lost my virginity I was feeling nervous and asked him what the real average size was. Without even looking my way he just said "Oh, you know, 12 inches"

When we were coming back from camping when I was a tad young (13) I had the window open and a wasp flew in and landed on my lap. His only words were "Watch out, he looks pissed, he's gonna bite your nuts". He wouldn't even pull over to let me flick him out and I spent 20 minutes just flicking away/avoiding the wasp as it came back to sting me

2 camping trips ago he told me he had a pellet gun and was gonna test his shots by shooting me, but he would be a good dad and give me a heads up by yelling "RUN!" first. The only time he yelled it is when we were driving back on the road. I thought he was joking. I was wrong. He didn't stop till I jumped out of the car and ran into the woods

One camping trip ago, while we were driving back, I called him out on all his jokes and told him he was an ass and I will probably have some serious damage when I'm older. His only response was taking that same pellet gun and shooting me point blank the arm, saying "You can't hit me, I'm driving", then shooting me again in the thigh

That same camping trip earlier I encountered a lovely young lady, hit it off wonderfully, had a kiss, then ran back slightly late for dinner. When I told him I was late because I got a kiss, his only reply was "Oh", then, pointing to an extremely old man walking the way I came, asked "Was it from him?"

I saw him pooping with the door open once, and when he saw me he only looked me in the eyes and kept going

I ******* hate that guy...

The best part is, I know I'll be just like him when I'm older with my kids
#1 - itzkingkong ONLINE (08/20/2013) [-]
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#9 - slipperyjoe (08/21/2013) [+] (9 replies)
What anime is this?
#36 - kriterion (08/21/2013) [+] (3 replies)
#5 - dameush (08/21/2013) [+] (13 replies)
I'm going to say it.. why does brain have a nose but arthur doesn't?
#6 to #5 - idoliam (08/21/2013) [-]
I want to know how the hell Arthur Read is an Aardvark....
#26 - bongconnery ONLINE (08/21/2013) [-]
Finally I can use this
#39 - randasaurousrex (08/21/2013) [+] (2 replies)
#24 - wtf man (08/21/2013) [-]
shots have been fired
#18 - ipostfunny (08/21/2013) [+] (1 reply)
User avatar #13 - doubleplaid (08/21/2013) [-]
Damn, that's ice cold. Mr. Read don't play around.
User avatar #3 - insightfulspinach (08/21/2013) [-]
Seriously Arthur, what the hell. None of your clothes are even the same color!
#2 - iamthou ONLINE (08/21/2013) [-]
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#55 - HerpidyDerp (08/21/2013) [+] (2 replies)
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#47 - therealdoctor ONLINE (08/21/2013) [+] (1 reply)
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#56 - ogvind ONLINE (08/21/2013) [-]
#50 - reptarz (08/21/2013) [-]
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#78 - sshare ONLINE (08/21/2013) [+] (6 replies)
completely unrelated but does anyone have that comic of that kid that has cancer but in his mind fights it off with his teddy bear?
#82 to #78 - Dwarf (08/21/2013) [-]
I've posted two different comics, and you're not thanking me at all.
User avatar #48 - henryfordthegod (08/21/2013) [-]
Go
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