Hey Assbutt. You're sexy.. Don' t Shave That Hair'.'.'. I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error moist
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Hey Assbutt

Tags: moist
Don' t Shave That Hair'.'.'.
I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I
offer my story to you, that you may learn from my
error. " all started, as many things do, with me
having trouble ******** .
No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity
problem but a matter of technique. " seems my
had grown to such a length that tiny
krogans were constantly getting tied up in the
matted jungle between my asscheeks. " led to
much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had
something to drop, but unable to shake the
tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling.
Eventually I would have to do two things: either
reach down with some paper and try to pinch off
the lingering loaf (which required careful precision
to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear,
especially since I had no way of seeing what I was
doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope
that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter
before the toilet paper reached its Cart'
threshold.
I was contemplating this problem, when I had what
seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This
is my butt and my , right'. So why don' t I
Just eliminate all the hair, and then my krogans will
flow out like Beer from a keg!” I said to myself. " is
a statement that will go down in history with a lot
of other regretted statements. "How many Indians
could there be?” said by General Custer. "Looks
like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There!
America onlline now has complete Usenet
access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my
anal shaving idea.
I performed the operation that night, with a cheap
disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting
from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the
cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my
ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean
the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous
slime, which I did by wiping " on the towel. Slowly,
my twin mounds and the Began to
resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby.
Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and
surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a
pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled,
satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.
Little did I know.
I now have a great respect tor . Like
everything in this world God created, it has its
mighty purpose in existence. " was only after I had
removed it that I started to Idam how much I had
been taking it for granted. For one, it provides
friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked
out into the sun heading for class. After climbing
two nights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started
to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was
accumulating in my crack, and was causing the
unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding
past each other with every step. I thought about
going to the bathroom and wiping " off, but had to
get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.
Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling
with the microscopic ***** molecules lingering
around my brown starfish. When I stood up after
class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy
sticky **** / sweat combination. As I made my way
back to my dorm, it started to itch. , did
it itch'. Felt like a swarm of ants was making its
way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from
Jamming my hand down there and scratching away,
I rushed back to the dorm.
Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to
sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my
cheeks were sliding back and forth against each
other like a pair of horny . I quickly
dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off
by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my
cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart,
a horrible stench burst free and filled the room.
Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I
had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering
**** / sweat went into the fan and blew back into my
face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat
there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and
dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body
odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own ****
blowing right into my face, I had only one thought:
It will be like this until the hair grows back.
Weeks."
Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my
ass at every opportunity, I discovered another
wonderful use for - ventilation. I attempted
to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between
my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two
pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the
result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down
between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.
As if that wasn' t enough, I am now enduring further
torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything
knows, when hair is first growing m, it comes in as
stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a
brine pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now.
IS a hellish torture, and there are many times
when I Just look out the window and contemplate
why I shouldn’ t Just Jump out and get " all over
with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this
constant agony.
Friends, DON’ T SHAVE YOUR '.
Irma
...
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Views: 11225
Favorited: 20
Submitted: 08/05/2013
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Comments(83):

[ 83 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
-25
#1 - kommandantvideo has deleted their comment [+] (3 replies)
User avatar #3 to #1 - whycanticaps (08/05/2013) [-]
You, and people like you, are honestly the worst type of people

yes, even worse than Hitler
User avatar #5 - funnychemaster (08/06/2013) [+] (2 replies)
I know your pain, but have never been able to put it into words. You sir, should write books. I didn't laugh at all, but you have my most sincere thumb.
#4 - emberstar (08/06/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #6 - heartlessrobot (08/06/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I don't know, my ass is just fine after shaving it.
User avatar #32 - feolthenos ONLINE (08/06/2013) [-]
Such vibrant vulgarity, I salute you sir, intelligence and humor are attempted oft but rarely accomplished with such finesse.

Lost my **** at "a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil"

Makes me wonder, how the hell did we manage without ass hair?
#17 - xxvampirepriestxx (08/06/2013) [-]
This is possibly one of the most educated ways to say "My ass hair artificially constipated me."
#12 - aboxoftoast (08/06/2013) [-]
why not just trim the ass hair?
#28 - jaigurudevaom (08/06/2013) [+] (13 replies)
As a female, I do not know of this pain

But I am glad
User avatar #23 - insaneiare (08/06/2013) [-]
next time just braid it!
#22 - WMDxVeLoCiTy (08/06/2013) [-]
tfw you realize it was a huge mistake shaving your ass
User avatar #45 - Zyklone (08/06/2013) [+] (1 reply)
very simple solution....

dont SHAVE
simply TRIM
User avatar #44 - mrjweezy (08/06/2013) [+] (2 replies)
in honesty.
I try to pull mine out
User avatar #20 - laky (08/06/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Don't shave, trim with an electrical trimmer.
#13 - quiescat (08/06/2013) [-]
this is sadly the 2nd time i have replied basically this to a post, fiber is a friend of your ass it makes all things crap related easier.
#8 - ojallday (08/06/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I love you ass hair
User avatar #9 to #8 - psykobear (08/06/2013) [-]
I read that as "I love your ass hair" and become worried.
#7 - sirensinger (08/06/2013) [-]
I have a hairless womans bum and I've never had this problem
User avatar #51 - fukkendragonite (08/06/2013) [-]
I never shave my ass or my pubes. Natural bitch, natural
User avatar #50 - niggernazi (08/06/2013) [-]
you are better than jesus
User avatar #30 - crampers (08/06/2013) [-]
never shave just trim
#25 - yogapants (08/06/2013) [-]
HAHA, the trapped fart did it for me!

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