how groups/squads end up in general. description is a lie.. Story time >Just start D&D campaign with group of friends >Make myself a cleric because clerics are the >Campaign starts with us waking up in demol
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how groups/squads end up in general

description is a lie

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Submitted: 08/03/2013
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#4 - freakeyebilly (08/03/2013) [+] (20 replies)
Story time ********
>Just start D&D campaign with group of friends
>Make myself a cleric because clerics are the ****
>Campaign starts with us waking up in demolished town
>Orcs everywhere, bout to **** self
>Our group is cornered, DM ******* laughing hysterically
>Orc swings his axe down to kill me and it's blocked
> ************* Brave Sir Robin and his minstrels to the rescue
>Robin rapes the orcs
>Last orc dead, fellin victorious
>Out of nowhere, Orion, the DM, hurls a cow that crushes Robin
>Look around, see ****** frenchy up on the walls surrounding town
>Don't know what to do, shart slightly after seeing next cow inbound for my face
>Try to dodge
>rolled a 3
>First death in D&D is by Cow-tapult
#10 - jamesisawesome (08/03/2013) [+] (5 replies)
>First time playing D&D
>All my friends trying to get me killed just to **** with me
>We enter a cave
>Not one, but two ************* dragons in there
>They all run at one of them
>I try to run after, but the other one blocks my path and I have to fight it alone
>After awhile, I lose my sword, have very little health left
>Pick up a rock and hit throw it
>Roll a critical
>MFW I killed it in one shot
#13 - highclassbean (08/03/2013) [+] (17 replies)
sweet DnD is getting some recognition, i've got a few really good stories from /tg/
#7 - rapevan (08/03/2013) [+] (5 replies)
#33 - mycatislookingatme (08/03/2013) [+] (5 replies)
Are you a DM? - Do have problems with your friends ******* your quest charecters? - Never fear, dick girls are the way forwards.

>Be DM
>Friends are having sex with every goddamn quest character I give them because they keep rolling 20 for charisma checks.
>Get annoyed with one guy who's known for this esp.
>Set an "elf" woman as the lead of the high council in the town of Elanoria.
>He rolls a 20 for seduction roll again
>She takes him up to her room
>Come up with a cunning plan that's more cunning than a fox that's graduated from the Oxford University with a degree in cunning.
>I wrote in that she'd been experimenting with metamorphosis earlier.
>it'satrap.gif
>She penetrates his arse all night long while he's tied to the bed.
>He hasn't touched a quest character since.

Also, I put one dick girl into every bar they enter these days, because I can.
#45 - Endofzeeworld (08/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
>Playing 3.5   
>Playing a Gnome Bard all into diplomacy and 						****					   
>Boss shows up to fight our party, an angry looking dwarf riding a bad-ass direwolf   
>Initiative falls to me   
>						****					 combat abilities, and I clearly can't talk our way out of this one   
>Decide to 						****					 it   
>Grab a piece of wood off the ground, throw it off the mountain we're on, yell "FETCH!"   
>DM tells me to make a bluff check   
>Natural. 						*******					. 20   
>Wolf and rider go flying off the mountain after the stick   
>MFW I beat the final boss with a single roll
>Playing 3.5
>Playing a Gnome Bard all into diplomacy and ****
>Boss shows up to fight our party, an angry looking dwarf riding a bad-ass direwolf
>Initiative falls to me
> **** combat abilities, and I clearly can't talk our way out of this one
>Decide to **** it
>Grab a piece of wood off the ground, throw it off the mountain we're on, yell "FETCH!"
>DM tells me to make a bluff check
>Natural. ******* . 20
>Wolf and rider go flying off the mountain after the stick
>MFW I beat the final boss with a single roll
#43 - ragingflamingos (08/03/2013) [-]
Story time!

>Playing D&D with friends
>Get attacked by a massive bunch of soldiers
>Very beginning of fight, one of our dps guys rolls a natural one
> ****** .jpeg
>DM laughs
>Tells the dude that his attacked missed and murdered a family of squirrels in front of their squirrel father
>"Whatever"
>Fight continues
>Goes on forever, escalates to epic ice giant boss battle
>Two hours later
>Our healer is dead, and we are finally starting to loot the corpses
>Tank goes to loot one of the dead soldiers
>Rolls a natural one
> ************* Daddy Squirrel pulls a chestburster out of the dead soldier's corpse and shanks the tank for 16 damage
>DM's FW
#41 - asmathiel (08/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Two best DnD stories ever

First one:
#96 - Sabre (08/03/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Posted this last time this picture was on the front page. Here we go:   
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements    
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child    
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight    
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.    
>"Don't worry guys, I got this 						****					!"    
>Potion is a love potion    
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount, shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?    
>DM hesitates before answering yes    
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature    
>20 to hit    
>penetration achieved    
>Paladin begins prematurely ejaculating in his armor    
>Mfw when watching a moose sodomize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground cumming... all because of me
Posted this last time this picture was on the front page. Here we go:
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.
>"Don't worry guys, I got this **** !"
>Potion is a love potion
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount, shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?
>DM hesitates before answering yes
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature
>20 to hit
>penetration achieved
>Paladin begins prematurely ejaculating in his armor
>Mfw when watching a moose sodomize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground cumming... all because of me
User avatar #2 - rikter ONLINE (08/03/2013) [-]
I hate say it but that is kinda accurate. You just forgot all those lovely conversations leading up to it.
-An elven princess emerg...
-I WANT TO **** HER, WHAT DO I ROLL
User avatar #179 - protomanrulez (08/04/2013) [+] (21 replies)
I once played a D&d game with 10 paladins and 1 rogue. I was the 1 rogue. All it consisted of was me trying to do something, and the paladins just yelling at me not to.
#180 to #179 - protomanrulez (08/04/2013) [-]
Also
>enter a city
>decide to do some good, kill a few thieves
>DM says I cant just find thieves
>"Alright..."
>I walk outside our hotel and yell "OH WHAT WILL I DO WITH ALL THIS GOLD IN MY POCKET"
>Feel someone start to pickpocket me
>swing my sword around to hit him
>Its a child, one hit kill
>Guards see
>swarm me, and massacre me
>Whole party just watches
mfw
#169 - togiremitsukai (08/04/2013) [-]
Since everyone else is telling a story
>Playing a delve with some pathfinder buddies (6 month campaign condensed into a 12 hour run)
>Start at level 9 decide to play a full orc barbarian
>Deal with the devil my intelligence down to 3 strength at 30 by this point
> a few hours in we find an empty graveyard with a single elevated coffin
>party spends turn after turn trying to analyze the coffin getting nothing as they are all rolling ******
>My character at this point would be getting bored so i decide to act
>still holding my bag of holding full of food i decide to flip the coffin
>this angers the lich inside greatly
>My character in panic drops his bag of holding which falls on the coffin
>coffin now in bag of holding
>not knowing what to do i roll to eat the bag
>I ate the lich
>To this day the effects are still unknown
User avatar #3 - lordlolland (08/03/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Ever read "2200 things Mr. Welch can no longer do during an RPG"?
"1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks."

This Mr. Welch really is the poster-child of tabletop RPG loonies.
User avatar #185 - thankins (08/04/2013) [-]
>Playing D&D for the third time, Playing a Wizard with high Illusion.
>At friends castle ( They had played this Campaign before, I was added to it)
> Staying the night in Castle
> Every player's character is asleep, Except mine
> Exploring around looking for stuff
> Find Castle owner's personal Maid. She's about 16.
> Start talking to her, Turns out she was saving herself for the castle owner.
> He is Extremely happy to hear this.
> So, I walk away, Roll high and look like him, Come back to her.
> He knows what I'm doing, Starts to try and wake up. DM won't let him, Player Knowledge.
> IDGAF Continue to try and **** her.
>He starts begging me not to.
>Still don't care.
> **** her. DM informs me that there is blood everywhere.
> At this point he is on the ground, Staring into space, not talking to anyone.

We're cool now, But that was a long session, And that was only the start.
All the other players were cheering me one.
feelsgood.jpg
#74 - zephyrpaine (08/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Near enough my entire family get together and play D&D together once every year. This consists of me, my four cousins, my parents, my aunt and three uncles. It also consisted of my grandma occasionally. We have many infamous stories including "The chest and the head," and, "The crate full of chickens."

This story is called "Holy Barrel" (It reffers to the older generation, as the younger weren't around):

>Party stuck in old store-room, cornered by undead.
>Nothing in store-room but empty barrels
>Genius idea:
>Party lifts lid off barrel
>Theif Rolls 17 and hacks out the lip of the barrel
>Cleric creates water
>Other cleric blesses
>lid floats on top of blessed holy-water.
>Theif stands on the top of the barrel lid.
>nowhere for the water to go.
>Tap hacked off barrel, hastily modded scabbard inserted.
>Holy-water hose.
>Undead die. Again. Permanently.

If anyone would like anymore of these, just say... They're all true.

#36 - leveltwowizard (08/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
>D&D 3.5
>Be half-orc paladin
>Party is investigating a cave on an island in the middle of an Underdark ocean in order to recover a mystical artifact that will give a powerful saughuagin demigod the power to rewrite a prophecy so that the party doesn't inadvertently bring about the destruction of their community (It was all quite convoluted)
>Currently trying to track a creature identified as the Defiler of Nature (how there was nature to defile in the Underdark we never found out) who we believe swallowed the artifact. OOC, we suspected it was a black dragon.
>In the cave, we found a mysterious shadowy entity who conversed in hand signals (which had to be interpreted by me, having the highest sense motive, due mainly to the fact that I put all of my skill points into sense motive and diplomacy) and writing that could only be deciphered by the wizard, all while speaking to it in Celestial.
>The cleric asked where the Defiler was, to which the entity only smiled, wrote "Here", and vanished.
>BLACK DRAGON OUT OF THE ******* GROUND SURPRISE ATTACK
>Gobbles up the fighter and breathes acid while he's in its mouth, kills him in the first turn of combat
>Rogue dives under the dragon, tries to stab its underbelly
>Wizard can't get past its spell resistance
>Druid instantly morphs into a wolf, she and her animal companion (also a wolf) try to scratch and claw at the thing
>Cleric puts down Protection from Evil on herself and me, NPC caster gives me Bull's Strength before running away like a coward
>I use my first of two Smite Evils on the dragon, one of the first party members to actually hit, deal like 18 or so damage
>Monk has the brilliant idea of jumping on the dragon's head and trying to grapple it
>Actually ******* succeeds
>Rogue still can't hit dragon
>Wizard readies Fireball for when dragon opens mouth
>Druid and wolf doing some damage
>Dragon tail swipes me, crits
>I'm knocked away and prone, somewhere around 10 HP
>Cleric rushes over to heal me
cont
#156 - ptolomeus ONLINE (08/04/2013) [+] (10 replies)
I have absolutely no ******* clue about what is going on in the comments... or the content... or what D&D is... (Actually i do but...)
I have no idea how to play it.

>looking up D&D 3.5
>see tons of pages
>look into it
>try to figure out wth is going on, and what it is
>character sheets
>pissing myself with fear
>too advanced for me
>look into some forums
> ******* red alert + chess + pentagons asscrack advanced language
>mind blown

i want to play D&D now but i need a guide
#170 - iamaniceperson (08/04/2013) [+] (3 replies)
I'd like to play D&D, but my friends would never accept to play this with me, and I too socially awkward to meet more people.
#151 - organiclead (08/04/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Ahhh, D&D, good times. When a quest to save your dying mother turns into a session of pimping out your party members to kobolds.
#9 - itazuranakokiri (08/03/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Actually, my D&D group started out as the bottom and is slowly progressing it's way toward the top one. XD
#22 to #21 - itazuranakokiri (08/03/2013) [-]
Our group starts off goofing off. XD And then the DM is like, "Stop the BS." and starts trying to kill us. Our bard was always doing stupid **** to get us into trouble so we were always running from different towns before the towns folk killed us.

And we got tired of his **** so we pulled off this elaborate scheme that eventually equipped him with what's effectively a shock collar for whenever he gets out of line. XD
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