Found while lurking, thought you'd enjoy

therealpokemon

File: 137516036978& n as KB, 464x284, )
RAN DOM 'Eating Cherries
I am eating a lat at them
me mare
STORIES FROM me mare
me mare
YOU R LII FE Wank it, They are all mine
hours later
Eating dinner with family
up rice with fork, bringing towards mouth
adhere will you be when diarrhea strikes?
ta disease at wastes immediately
Still have mad an plate
Decision time
Finish mad faster than a turkey running from hunters in
Parents have confused and worried faces
Sprint upstairs ta twat
alts going ta he a photo finish
lands an twat right as watery horrid **** bursts from my anus
Still chewing mad in mouth
awe smell is unbearable
H pant stop ********
H pant finish my mad like this
id need a place ta get rid at mad
idea time
up and dispise at mad in naw disgusting, rancid twat
up vomiting in twat
Still have explosive diarrhea
around as fast as possible and dispise at waste from ass
hours later
H made it am alive
feels like I was ****** by an elephant
Never eat ridiculously large amounts of cherries kids

...

+839

Views:	38460
Favorited:	100
Submitted:	07/30/2013

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87 comments displayed.

+35

#30 - Fuzzymarsupial (07/30/2013) [-]

That anon got off lucky, others have not been so fortunate.

#87 to #30 - killerjhtwo ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

Whenever I see this I'm totally fine.

Then it mentions Lovecraft and I lose it.

#88 to #30 - jeagertech (07/31/2013) [-]

Just wondering what an MRE is?

#93 to #88 - linktheherooftime (07/31/2013) [-]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meal,_Ready-to-Eat

#39 to #30 - dagold (07/30/2013) [-]

I just got home from AIT, so many MREs. I do not look forward to a career full of eating them.

#51 to #30 - upyoursnumbnuts (07/30/2013) [-]

If you eat the tobasco and chew the gum for five minutes you'll **** after about three days. It'll smell like your giving birth to a half rotted fetus but you're ass will be intact.

+43

#4 - mrbang (07/30/2013) [-]

+26

#65 - bby (07/31/2013) [-]

I always read the end first in case I'm being trolled.

mfw "Anus feels like I was ****** by an elephant."

#66 to #65 - Riyaaq (07/31/2013) [-]

Sweet jesus how will I sleep tonight. What the **** is that.

#67 to #66 - duvallwhitey (07/31/2013) [-]

A badly stuffed fox

+14

#55 - xdeathspawnx (07/31/2013) [-]

why didn't he just tell his parents he was about to poop his pants and then finish his dinner after? Are his parents really that strict they would rather have him **** at the dinner table than leave to go to the bathroom.

+30

#3 - dustboy (07/30/2013) [-]

What kind of heretic uses a fork to eat rice.

-1

#81 to #3 - thegreatbuttpirate (07/31/2013) [-]

As an experienced Asian, let me blow your minds for you: you use the fork to scoop rice/meat into the spoon at the same time, then eat it. thats what i do

-1

#91 to #3 - seventh (07/31/2013) [-]

In non-Asian countries that don't use chopsticks, it's proper etiquette to use a fork when eating rice. Were you raised by rednecks or some **** ?

-1

#103 to #91 - dustboy (07/31/2013) [-]

No, I'm raised with 'put that ******* fork down and grab the spoon', considering I'm coming from a family with background located in eastern asia, I'd like to say I'm far from a redneck.

-1

#14 to #3 - therealpokemon [OP](07/30/2013) [-]

It's sticky rice. Easy to use a fork with sticky rice, but I still side with you. Spoon Master Race.

#31 to #3 - rakaka (07/30/2013) [-]

Mexicans

#17 to #3 - huffe ONLINE (07/30/2013) [-]

what the hell do you use?

#69 to #17 - heartlessrobot ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

Chopsticks.

#106 to #69 - huffe ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

if you have sticky rice, that's fine
for the rest of us, we'd rather use a fork than pick one piece at a time

#107 to #106 - heartlessrobot ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

Sticky white rice is best rice. And I've eaten fried rice with chopsticks, your argument is invalid.

#56 to #3 - anon (07/31/2013) [-]

I eat rice with my dick.

#54 to #3 - occamsrazor (07/31/2013) [-]

yeah i just scoop it into my mouth using my dick, you weirdos

+16

#5 to #3 - ningyoaijin (07/30/2013) [-]

People who aren't Asian and thus don't understand how to pick up rice with chopsticks.

#6 to #5 - dustboy (07/30/2013) [-]

You don't have to eat rice with a chopstick, nobody ever heard from a spoon I guess.

+12

#7 to #6 - ningyoaijin (07/30/2013) [-]

...Why would you use a spoon?

#44 to #7 - thatoneidiot (07/30/2013) [-]

...HOW would you use a fork to eat RICE? IT'S ALL JUST GOING TO FALL THROUGH THE GAPS!

+15

#63 to #44 - lordmandy has deleted their comment [-]

#8 to #7 - dustboy (07/30/2013) [-]

Cause nothing can fall through a spoon?
What kind of question is this?

+91

#9 to #8 - misfitxcreepx (07/30/2013) [-]

I've literally never met anyone in my life that has eaten rice with a spoon.

#15 to #9 - houseofbrick (07/30/2013) [-]

you have now

#10 to #9 - dustboy (07/30/2013) [-]

Just becouse you've never met anyone who does that, doesn't mean that nobody does it.

#12 to #10 - Silver Quantum ONLINE (07/30/2013) [-]

spoons are used for soups or whatever's creamy/liquid, not rice

#11 to #10 - misfitxcreepx (07/30/2013) [-]

I never said nobody does it, I'm just saying I haven't met anyone who does... And that you're weird.

+18

#13 to #11 - slimeywaffles (07/30/2013) [-]

I eat rice with a spoon...

#16 to #13 - facekicked (07/30/2013) [-]

As a kid, I thought it was kinda cool to use two sticks to eat with, so I learnt how to use them and ever since, I've been eating "asian" food with chopsticks. Scandinavian btw, just so people don't confuse me of already being an asian

#18 to #16 - slimeywaffles (07/30/2013) [-]

The way you eat rice with sticks is by practically shoveling it from the bowl into your mouth, so, yeah. I mean, when I was younger, I'd line up the grains in a line between the chopsticks like an idiot.

#19 to #18 - Monsterofthedog (07/30/2013) [-]

As an indian man I rarely use a fork, either my hands or a spoon or some sort of wheat flatened thingy

#23 to #13 - urapooper ONLINE (07/30/2013) [-]

I thought that is how you normally do it.... everyone I knew or saw eat in Philippines used spoon to eat rice.

-1

#24 to #23 - slimeywaffles (07/30/2013) [-]

Well, some other guys don't eat rice with spoons o-O

-2

#25 to #24 - urapooper ONLINE (07/30/2013) [-]

It is freaking me out... I knew you can do it with chopsticks but I never heard of people eating it with forks.

-1

#26 to #25 - slimeywaffles (07/30/2013) [-]

I guess it's the American Uncle-Ben's-toting way of eating rice

#100 to #25 - anon (07/31/2013) [-]

I'm Filipino too. You only eat rice with a fork if you only have a fork. Fork>spook when it comes to having only 1 of them. If you go to a Thai restaurant they usually only give one fork (at least the ones i've been to).

#82 to #13 - anon (07/31/2013) [-]

It's okay, I'm Asian and I sometimes eat rice with a spoon. It's easier. You have my blessing.

-1

#22 to #13 - faktura (07/30/2013) [-]

Everyone in my family uses a spoon, but I prefer a fork

-1

#68 to #11 - killerliquid (07/31/2013) [-]

Most south-Asian people eat rice with spoons

#35 to #9 - applescryatnight ONLINE (07/30/2013) [-]

have you ever met a person who eats spaghetti with applesauce?
you have now.

#34 to #9 - riderdouble (07/30/2013) [-]

I always assume it was normal up until two chicks couldn't stop bothering me about eating rice with a spoon.

#27 to #9 - hlgrindstaff (07/30/2013) [-]

We had no clean forks one time so I had to use a spoon to eat rice. I felt absolutely disgusting.

#20 to #9 - psychlogic (07/30/2013) [-]

If I'm eating just rice I use a spoon. But if I'm having it as a side in a meal I use my fork. Unless it's with Asian food, in which case I use the chopsticks I'm eating the rest of the food with.

-1

#104 to #9 - taurusguy ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

Its hard to meet people in a basement

#96 to #9 - anon (07/31/2013) [-]

If one were to eat with a fork and a spoon you use the fork to push the rice onto the spoon. If you eat food with one utensil that isn't chopsticks you use a fork, unless it's a soup or something that can only be scooped.

#89 to #9 - anon (07/31/2013) [-]

I eat rice with a spoon because you can get more rice with it. That's my only reason for it though.

-1

#37 to #9 - agentzerothree (07/30/2013) [-]

You have now. Welcome to Bosnia, how may I help you?

-2

#53 to #6 - fcrocker (07/31/2013) [-]

What are you, a ******* infant?
Forks are what men use.

#60 to #53 - dustboy (07/31/2013) [-]

Forks are what men use, yeah the ******* infidels who can't eat rice properly.

#70 to #5 - heartlessrobot ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

White rice can easily be picked up with chopsticks.

#102 to #70 - ningyoaijin (07/31/2013) [-]

Sticky asian white rice, maybe. Not the rice we have here.

#105 to #102 - heartlessrobot ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

Sticky white rice is best rice.

-2

#29 to #5 - italianrambo (07/30/2013) [-]

I use chopsticks.......

and im not asian

#32 - riderdouble (07/30/2013) [-]

Whatever you say lightbulb...

#33 to #32 - therealpokemon [OP](07/30/2013) [-]

Hey, you leave my lightbulb alone. He tries his best and that is all that matters, got it phanact?

#52 to #32 - anon (07/30/2013) [-]

I have the weirdest boner.

#36 to #32 - Eox (07/30/2013) [-]

I'm sorry, but I have no idea what this lightbulb thing is. Could you explain?

inb4 "IT'S A SHINY THING"!

#38 to #36 - anonymousiemoo (07/30/2013) [-]

It tries to put the text from the image in to the description, most the time it gets it wrong.

#49 to #38 - sweetime (07/30/2013) [-]

most?

#42 to #32 - petrie (07/30/2013) [-]

MFW it sees toilet as twat

#72 - kaycie (07/31/2013) [-]

#75 to #72 - therealpokemon [OP](07/31/2013) [-]

This is my favorite wwybwds

#78 - pikininja (07/31/2013) [-]

You couldn't excuse yourself in the middle of dinner to go to the bathroom? Is he retarded?

#94 to #78 - raigen (07/31/2013) [-]

it's impolite to say that you need to go during dinner, he was problably too beta to say he had diahrea (can't spell for **** ...)

#73 - kaycie (07/31/2013) [-]

#64 - tygamann (07/31/2013) [-]

I read cherries as "cheerios".

#50 - mikepetru (07/30/2013) [-]

OP's face when

#48 - hollyisthebest (07/30/2013) [-]

I just looked in the bowl of cherries in front of me, and noticed it was empty.
Crap

#79 to #48 - flamingpinkbunnies (07/31/2013) [-]

Literally

#58 to #48 - therealpokemon [OP](07/31/2013) [-]

Literally.

#59 to #48 - datsheriff (07/31/2013) [-]

Post results in three hours.

#57 to #48 - pwnedomega (07/31/2013) [-]

#71 - cantfindausername ONLINE (07/31/2013) [-]

>i've had this job for about a week. i basically chop down trees, climb up them and whatevs for 12 hours.
>it sucks but the money is friggin awesome
>anyways we're choppin down this tree and when it fell, it leaned against another >tree. all three of us were just chillin underneath it thinking it was safe then we heard it start to fall and we all bolted in different directions. my boss ran in a random pattern like an idiot and missed the tree by a few feet my co worker was smart and took off in one direction.
>i tried to run the same way but i slipped in the mud and didnt go anywhere.
>i looked up and that **** was coming at me at .5 light speed so i skillfully executed a text book ninja roll RIGHT before the tree fell on me. it landed literally like 6 inches away man.
> 5 minutes later we were pulling down this other tree.
>my job was to relay my boss's hand signals to my co-worker who is pulling the rope taut with the truck. the problem is that the only place they both can see me is right smack where the tree is supposed to drop.
>this asshole expects me to sit there and wait for the exact moment the tree begins to drop and take off.
>for $720 a week i dont complain
>so when the tree started to fall i took off....
>....and tripped on a ditch i didnt see before
>so i backwards ninja rolled into the ditch and the tree fell two feet away from me. and i got buried in the branched and leaves.
>5 minutes later my boss bets me $100 that i cant catch a wild turkey and bring it back.
>i was all like, you're on ya fat cunt. so i try and run down the turkeys.
>there was 3 of them so i had a good chance of catching one if i surprise them
>i grabbed the wing of one that tried to fly away. (i had no ******* clue turkeys could fly)
>and that bird stuck its big ass claw into my sleeve and got caught.
>wild turkey used wing attack on my face and started chasing me after i tried to run away.

so yeah, that was my crazy ass day

By: oCrAzYtOwNo

#40 - flamingpie (07/30/2013) [-]

"YOU R LII FE Wank it," lightbulb is now a motivational speaker for fapping

#101 - Cambro (07/31/2013) [-]

My poop story:
>Be in hospital for lung surgery. Bedridden for a week and can't get out of bed because I'm hooked up to breathing equipment. You want to go to the bathroom? Bedpan. **** THAT.
>Day 4 of no poop. Doctors and nurses still haven't noticed, ask no questions.
>Day 5 nurse becomes aware after reviewing my bathroom records.
>Starts pumping me with laxatives, but my sheer willpower keeps my anus closed like the gates of Mordor.
>Day 6. All tubes removed but kept under observation while I'm relearning how to walk.
>Day 7. Nurse begins extra dosages of laxatives, but I refuse to go until I can walk to a bathroom under my own power.
>Day 8. I can now walk the 10 ft to my room toilet. I have lost appetite, had cramps and gas. It is time.
>Stumble to toilet at 9 AM. Start pushing, but have to stop every 10 seconds because of my ****** up abdomen. Parents ask if I need help and I demand venomously that they do not notify any nurses.
>Suddenly feel *********** moving at 9:45. Try to push, but its not enough.
>10 AM. Time to get desperate.
>I begin to wiggle side to side while pushing. I bite down on a towel to stop from screaming.
>15 minutes later my bowels finally release a softball sized turd. I wipe my sweaty brow in relief, but suddenly hear demons growling and hissing from within my intestines.
>THE SOFTBALL WAS ONLY THE CORK
> **** what feel like pebbles covered in lava for the next hour, walk bowlegged back to my bed feeling like my spine was just ripped out of my butthole, take a hit of morphine and pass out before proudly telling the nurse to observe the bowel movement in bathroom 321.