Do and Don'ts of job interviews. . Dress to Impress! Wear that hoodie. Give the interviewer Lay your limp hand in a firm handshake. the interviewers, then cough
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Do and Don'ts of job interviews

Dress to Impress! Wear that hoodie.
Give the interviewer Lay your limp hand in
a firm handshake. the interviewers, then
cough nervously.
Bring a copy of your Spend five minutes
resume that you trying to find your
printed on the good resume on your
paper that cost extra. cracked iphone.
Use "buzzwords" Talk about being a
to impress the little buzzed with the
interviewer. interviewer.
Embellish your Give an open and
positive qualities honest report of your
and mastery of the skills and experience.
required skills.
Lie wildly about the Reveal your actual
legitimacy of that GPA.
internship" you
had last summer.
Laugh at the Make a parting joke
interviewer' s and ask when you' ll
parting joke and hear from the
say you look interviewer.
forward to hearing
from him.
Get the job.
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Submitted: 07/15/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - stabiloboss (07/15/2013) [+] (7 replies)
The light bulb really out did itself this time.   
The irony is in the last line:   
"Get the job."   
gif unrelated.. ralphrated
The light bulb really out did itself this time.

The irony is in the last line:

"Get the job."

gif unrelated.. ralphrated
#1 - maidenmk (07/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I pissed myself laughing
#58 - redneckraider (07/15/2013) [-]
The lightbulb has a different opinion.
#57 - konradkurze (07/15/2013) [+] (9 replies)
neither got the job, because USA outsourced the job to habib in india
#91 - fefe (07/15/2013) [+] (14 replies)
**anonymous rolled user phanact ** youre a faggot
#105 to #91 - phanact (07/15/2013) [-]
This image has expired
#59 - thatbrevitything (07/15/2013) [-]
The dude does not agree with all that facist propaganda
#81 - unholyjebus (07/15/2013) [-]
I thought these two people were actually the same person. The last panel blew my mind.
User avatar #9 - stijnverheye (07/15/2013) [+] (3 replies)
what are buzzwords ?
User avatar #30 to #9 - payseht (07/15/2013) [-]
impressive words you slip in your phrases to look like you know what you're talking about, like if you're applying for a gas station you can say "oxygen" and "nitrogen"
User avatar #41 - huewut (07/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)

My name applies PRETTY good here!
User avatar #16 - AvatarAirBender (07/15/2013) [+] (7 replies)
I ******* lost a job opportunity because I didn't understand the person's joke. It wasn't even the person who interviewed me. I was told that I would have gotten the job, but because I didn't understand the joke I wasn't good for the team.
User avatar #24 to #23 - jokeface ONLINE (07/15/2013) [-]
Well then **** him. If whether or not you get hired depends on your ability to get a joke, then you don't wanna work for that kind of person anyway. He'd probably be the kind of arrogant self-entitled douche who has everyone below him sucking his dick around the water cooler every day.
#80 - toshietosh (07/15/2013) [+] (3 replies)
User avatar #6 - moshimoshi (07/15/2013) [-]
That lightbulb... I read it to the tune of "lose yourself". Better check my pockets for spaghetti.
#125 - SunilCCXXXVII **User deleted account** (07/16/2013) [+] (14 replies)
I've got an interview in a few days.. just googled up buzzwords.
That is the most stupid thing to do in an interview.

The people who are going to be interviewing you (assuming you aren't going for an entry level position or in a family run business) are smarter than you.
If an interviewer asks something like "Have you worked in a team before?"
and you reply "I'm a good team player, I co-operate well with others, as I am hardworking and dedicated to my role."
All the interviewer will think is... jezz another robotic idiot.
What you need to say is
"Yes I've had lots of opportunities to work as part of a team; during my final year at uni we were assigned to random groups and we had to design a product to fulfil a set of criteria. Fortunately for our team we had a person who was currently employed as a product designer and was doing the course part-time. We choose to allow him to lead our group as he had the most experience. Unfortunately half way through the assignment his work commitments prevented him from attending so the rest of us pulled numerous all-nighters and finished the project which earned a well deserved 1st."

You need to structure your replies.
Think about what the interviewer is asking, and yes he is looking for those buzzwords, but only in his head. He doesn't want you to say them, he wants a story, an experience where you actually expressed those buzzwords.

In my fake story the interviewer will see; works well with others, can work with random strangers, comfortable out of his comfort zone, ability to define strength of others, works for the good of the team, not selfish, able to cope with problems, persistent, hardkworking, determined, will go beyond limits.


Inb4 someone says don't take advice from an unemployed bum...
I'm employed, just want a better job.

I am near the character count limit. I've never reached it before so I will just be blabbing on a bit, not long just 30 more to go. I like turtles..
#74 - chiktikkavaspaus (07/15/2013) [-]
So the secret to getting a job all along was following the light bulb's advice?   
Damn, I knew I should have been paying attention.
So the secret to getting a job all along was following the light bulb's advice?

Damn, I knew I should have been paying attention.
User avatar #29 - jajathezombie (07/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I'm always honest at job interviews, even if it's not in my best interests, because I often vomit when I lie and I'm fairly certain that wouldn't go over too well.
User avatar #76 - thebombshell (07/15/2013) [-]
got a job at a media electronics trade-in store C.E.X which has some pretty cool benefits and is working with things I'm really excited about (tablets / phones / games / movies / computers / etc. etc.)
and all by wearing a hoody, entirely honestly saying I suck at tablets, phones and don't know the latest DVDs, making a cheap crack at a movie (which in fairness did lead to a lengthy and pretty fun conversation about pixar movies)
supposedly they're opening loads of stores all over the world recently so they're hiring pretty much everywhere anyone who isn't a complete moron, at the very least I'm getting paid and getting some tidy work experience.
User avatar #69 - hairysmellyanus (07/15/2013) [-]
I applied for dominos and as I left I said "cya later... hopefully" to the manager. I left and my friend told me what I said because he went with me. I didnt get that call back.
#66 - masterfuck (07/15/2013) [-]
User avatar #53 - derpwolf ONLINE (07/15/2013) [+] (24 replies)
But my GPA is 4.07. Why wouldn't I share it?
#79 to #78 - goldenglimmer (07/15/2013) [-]
mfw this conversation.
#32 - angelusprimus (07/15/2013) [+] (9 replies)
This are generalities that don't always apply.
few things in general in company I work for, we do long term data storage, retrieval from obsolete techonolgies and validation.
1: We need people who can think creatively, software can go through checklists faster then human can. Bland people who look comfortable in bland suits never get the job.
They tend to think too limited.
2:We are DATA STORAGE COMPANY, please don't bring me your resume printed on paper. Mail it to me. Bring it to me on your phone and ******* bluetooth it.
3: Ok, telling someone you are stll buzzed on the interview is a horrible idea. We would not hire you.
4: We are data retrieval company. We have interns check everything you told us, they are VERY good at it. You lie on the interview, or embelish, you are not getting the job. You will be actually warned about that at the begining of the interview.

So yeah, while this tips are good for standard office drone job, don't think of them as Universal guide.
User avatar #35 to #32 - freestyleristaken (07/15/2013) [-]
A job where interns do background checks, I woudn't even walk in your door.
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