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iamtheblackgoat

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Proud Spartan, reporting in

Tags: this | iiiiis | funnyjuuuunk

W Allotting , "5
Philip of Macedonia in a _ in
message to Sparta: "You are ' .
advised to submit without
further delay, for if I bring
my army into your land, I
will destroy your farms, slay
your people, and rare your
city."
Sparta' s reply: "If."

...

+1000

Views: 38519 Submitted: 07/12/2013

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asd

#4 - tkfourtwoone

Reply-91

(07/12/2013)[-]

I know of another one, I think it was about the battle of Thermopiles.

The Persians warned the Spartans that they had so many bowmen, they will cover the sky and the sun's light with arrows.

To which the Spartans replied "Good, at least we'll fight under a shade"

#26 to #4 - iamtheblackgoat [OP]

Reply+20

(07/12/2013)[-]

12 replies hidden: Please view thread directly to view.

#92 to #4 - tkfourtwoone

Reply+8

(07/12/2013)[-]

Wow... just... wow

58 thumbs down because I didn't mention a movie, but rather a hystorical "fact"

Congrats, a new all time low!

#159 to #92 - flyingwhale

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

ignorance is bliss

#149 to #4 - anon id: 5e68104a

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

I hate when this happens. I'm sorry you got thumbed down so much while being correct.

#144 to #4 - supername

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

I thumbed you up for what little good it will do.

#132 to #4 - blanketandpillow

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

I... I really don't know why you're being thumbed down for this...

#118 to #4 - rota

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

this doesnt deserve red thumbs really
have my thumb up

#39 to #4 - checkandmate

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Should have acknowledged 300, but he is right guys. The quote is older than the movie.

#28 to #4 - hudis

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Don't worry about people thumbing you down, just goes to show what a bunch of idiots this community occasionally is.

#23 to #4 - failtolawl

Reply-5

(07/12/2013)[-]

12 replies hidden: Please view thread directly to view.

#154 to #18 - flyingwhale

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

>Θερμοπύλες
>Thermopiles
>Thermo-piles
>Hot-gates

#30 to #5 - iamtheblackgoat [OP]

Reply+11

(07/12/2013)[-]

I wish I could thumb you down more than once

#29 to #5 - hudis

Reply+9

(07/12/2013)[-]

Films depicting historical events often have some parts that are found in historical records. The "fight in the shade"-line is a perfect example of the laconic wit that the Spartans were famous for, just like the "If"-reply in the OP. There are many other examples. Few things in Hollywood are invented by Hollywood.

#111 to #5 - OddityInfintas

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Actually that was a famous quote from a Spartan warrior named Dieneke, while the movie was not intended to be historically accurate there were many direct quotes from the Spartans used.

#145 to #5 - anon id: 1bc380d5

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

Actually, that line was said during the battle but it was by a soldier named Dienekes.

#135 to #5 - fannypack

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Why does this have so many thumbs up, and the original comment , so many thumbs down. I've lost all faith in FunnyJunk.

#134 to #5 - anon id: 7c6f8f18

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

you're lucky this site is full of unintelligent little pricks like you, otherwise you wouldn't have that many thumbs up.

#121 to #5 - pathatter

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Actually it did happen.

#117 to #5 - blanketandpillow

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

My social studies teacher said it happened

#105 to #5 - anon id: a9f79468

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

"Although extraordinary valor was displayed by the entire corps of Spartans and Thespians, yet bravest of all was declared the Spartan Dienekes. It is said that on the eve of battle, he was told by a native of Trachis that the Persian archers were so numerous that, their arrows would block out the sun. Dienekes, however, undaunted by this prospect, remarked with a laugh, 'Good. Then we will fight in the shade.'" - Histories, 7.226

Extract from the Historia of Herodotus, Writing 5th Century BC.

#99 to #5 - commontroll

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

It actually did happen dude. The Spartans had epic comebacks. What wasn't in there was the "This is sparta!"

#86 to #5 - gandalfthegreat

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Well actually, they stole it from the book Gates of Fire, and it was greek that said "It is said the Persians arrows block out the sun." and a Spartan named Dinekes says "Then we will have our battle in the shade." The movie is based off the book, its a great book, very detailed.. But yes i agree that quote never actually was said, at least not to modern knowledge, but still it sounded badass.

#84 to #5 - comentator

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Orly? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dienekes

#48 to #5 - anon id: db156094

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

that quote is as legit as the quote in the post, the story says it is legit, but the story is over 2k years old so we can't argue if it is or not. it is clearly possible

#46 to #5 - anon id: d996b4b4

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

actually it did happen.

"Although extraordinary valor was displayed by the entire corps of Spartans and Thespians, yet bravest of all was declared the Spartan Dienekes. It is said that on the eve of battle, he was told by a native of Trachis that the Persian archers were so numerous that, their arrows would block out the sun. Dienekes, however, undaunted by this prospect, remarked with a laugh, 'Good. Then we will fight in the shade.'" - Histories, 7.226

#87 to #46 - gandalfthegreat

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Thats in the book Gates of Fire.. haha i read that. I remember that part exactly it was in the prologue.

#50 to #46 - lyiat

Reply-4

(07/12/2013)[-]

Based off the records of a man who was never present at the battle. No one on the Greek side survived the Battle of Thermopylae. Any quotes from the battle are very unlikely to be true, due to the fact that the only survivors would be Persian, and did not bother to keep said records. It's all fluff that the man used to tell a better story - an epic - on par with the poets of old.

#60 to #50 - snaresinger

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

The point is, he didn't make it up, he was just wrong. It happens. Only on this site, full of angry pubescent lemmings, does he get thumbed down to hell for it.

#61 to #60 - lyiat

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

I never said he should get thumbed the hell down. I'm just pointing out that it is impossible to know if, and very highly unlikely, that anyone said that at the battle.

#104 to #50 - anon id: 2af93afe

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

it was said before the battle, not during, thats what eve means.

#127 to #50 - blanketandpillow

Reply-1

(07/12/2013)[-]

No, that's wrong. No Spartans survived, but their were other troops from city-states (Thespians I think, and some more), and the Spartans basically told the other city-states to go back and help with the war, since they knew that they would all die the next morning. So some _ Greeks_ survived, just no Sparta

#51 to #50 - lyiat

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Next thing you guys will tell me is that The Iliad is an accurate representation of the actual Battle of Troy and that there was a man named Heracles that completed 12 Labors....

#72 to #51 - ohnotwoone

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

They are hardly on the same level. Iliad is obviously a story, while Thucydides tried to be historically accurate. obviously, since he wrote it 200 years later, there is no way its completely accurate, but the Iliad is completely made up. " Thucydides has been dubbed the father of "scientific history", because of his strict standards of evidence-gathering and analysis in terms of cause and effect without reference to intervention by the gods, as outlined in his introduction to his work."

#76 to #72 - lyiat

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Furthermore, Histories would have you believe that Leonidas is the direct descendant of Heracles. I suppose we're supposed to take that as gospel as well?

#75 to #72 - lyiat

Reply-4

(07/12/2013)[-]

We're not talking about Thucydides, we're talking about his predecessor Herodotus and the 'Histories'. Further more, all Greek stories, both mythical and historical were told as nonfiction. Homer did, to his own mind, write 'stories', he wrote true accounts that he had gathered information from many sources.

#44 to #5 - anon id: f57035ed

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

it realy happened you dumb *****

#33 to #5 - manwithmanynames

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

The movie and comic was just a exaggerated version of the story, overly exaggerated, but it really happened. The Spartan King and approx. 300 of his "guard" held off the Persian Empire at the Thermopylae (this is how I've seen it spelled, translating to "hot gates/pillars") until the senate sent the army.

#129 to #33 - blanketandpillow

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

From what I remember, The Spartans and 1000 other Greeksk from city-states no one cares about held them off for two days until a traitor told the Persians about a secret back mountain pass that would let them get through and kill teh Spartans easily.

#136 to #129 - manwithmanynames

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

The traitor part is (as far as I know) true, probly not as deformed as in the movie. And as for the other Greeks, I think it was more like 500 but they weren't as warrior-like as the Spartans were. While they did get killed, the Senate sent an army because they realized the King (can't remember his name) was right to oppose the Persian Empire. So for the most part you remembered well enough (of course, my knowledge could be wrong but I think my sources should have been credible (books on mythology, internet sources, etc.)

#153 to #136 - snowshark

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

Leonidas. King Leonidas of Sparta and Badasses.

Also, it's worth mentioning that the movie is an exaggerated version of a story passed down in oral tradition from ancient greek culture which is well-known for it's wild inconsistencies, inaccuracies and most of all... hyperbole.

When it comes to ancient greek history it's more about accepting what we find is as close to the truth as we're going to get as opposed to believing it.

Not many historians really think the siege of Troy went on for ten years before the canny Athenians outwitted the Trojans through the ingenious use of a giant, conspicuous wooden artefact. The real truth is more likely that Troy was sieged for ten months or so at best before food ran out or the siege lasted a fairly short period of time before the Athenians poured in and brutally massacred the Trojans, throwing the men from the walls and enslaving the women and the children.

History, especially ancient greek history, is written by the victors.

#52 to #5 - cepheas

-1

has deleted their comment [-]

#53 to #52 - lyiat

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Comment #50. Go read it.

#58 to #5 - lyiat

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

For the next person who wants to tell me I'm wrong, go read comment #50.

#47 to #5 - kickassandchew

Reply-2

(07/12/2013)[-]

#22 to #13 - lotengo#103 on commentsRank#103

Reply+41

(07/12/2013)[-]

12 replies hidden: Please view thread directly to view.

#141 to #22 - snowshark

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Found the German.

#142 to #141 - opjoopie

Reply+2

(07/13/2013)[-]

Yea, cause the germans are the only ones paying for the Greeks...

#143 to #142 - snowshark

Reply+2

(07/13/2013)[-]

And because vegans are the only people who are overly-critical of non-vegitarians.

It's a joke, dude. A play on a meme. Lighten up.

#147 to #143 - opjoopie

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

On an only half related note, I'm quite sure vegans are the only ones being overly critical towards non-vegans, in any other case, it'd be hypocritical as ****.

Anyhew, was just saying, joke or not, every european country is suffering under the-

Ah **** it, it's too late for this ****, just ignore me, here, have a thumb.

#155 to #147 - snowshark

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

It's all cool, dude. (Sorry if I sound like a 90s surfer... it's just how I type.)

I'm european, dude. I know. Greece ******* screwed us all over. Even the ones outside of the eurozone (which they lied to get into... ******* Greece...) However it is the Germans that took the biggest hit and so the Germans that make the funniest targets.

Also, it's Germany in the firing-line and that's been funny for... ooh... about 100 years or so now.

#177 to #141 - lotengo#103 on commentsRank#103

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

U found the Dutch, but its cool bro.

#120 to #13 - moustachefingers

Reply+6

(07/12/2013)[-]

Calling ********. If you're Greek, then how can you afford an internet connection?

#89 to #6 - anon id: 99a5ebf4

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Are you talking about the book know as "Horrible Histories: Groovy Greeks"?

#91 to #89 - tkfourtwoone

Reply+3

(07/12/2013)[-]

Yep! Got about 5 or 6 of them, although I lost the Egyptians one. Really, a pity.

Awesome books for a 12 year old for a knack with history, though.

#73 to #11 - ohnotwoone

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

gates of fire is awesome.

#90 to #73 - gandalfthegreat

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

"when their weapons broke, the spartans began to fight with fists and teeth." Such a badass book.

#27 to #11 - demandsgayversion

Reply-4

(07/12/2013)[-]

I reeeaaally wanna call you an asshole, but that is a line in that book.

#49 - imnotkickthecat

Reply+50

(07/12/2013)[-]

I cant wait to absolutely crush the Spartans in Rome: total war 2.

Then start a new game and do the reverse.

#78 to #49 - Dairycow

Reply+5

(07/12/2013)[-]

and then run around with your dicks hanging out as barbarians

#110 to #49 - Deeticky

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

I hate you.... I try so hard not to think about how much I want that game. Nice picture though, great series.

#151 to #110 - adrilazzaro

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

what show is it from?

#161 to #151 - imnotkickthecat

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

Spartacus: war of the dammed.

If you know history than you know how it ends, but great series overall.

It is the 3rd season of the Spartacus saga on Stars.

#162 to #161 - adrilazzaro

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

Ah, i only watched the first season, after i found out the main character's actor died, i couldnt watch the rest, i dont know why i just couldnt

#108 to #49 - theshadowed

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Pre-ordering just for Sparta

#96 to #49 - sightlysuperset

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

Spartacus is my favorite series EVER

#123 to #49 - mishterlusk

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

I want that game so much. But the stupid price rose because Steam hates giving those in Australasia decent prices.

#64 - Javapenguin

Reply+24

(07/12/2013)[-]

Sparta's face when

#25 - flinkflonk

Reply+23

(07/12/2013)[-]

Pfft.
This is nothing.

This is what Sultan Mahmud wrote to Zaporozhian Cossacks:

As the Sultan; son of Muhammad; brother of the sun and moon; slave and viceroy of God; ruler of the kingdoms of Macedonia, Babylon, Jerusalem, Upper and Lower Egypt; emperor of emperors; sovereign of sovereigns; extraordinary knight, never defeated; steadfast guardian of the tomb of Jesus Christ; trustee chosen by God Himself; the hope and comfort of Muslims; confounder and great defender of Christians -- I command you, the Zaporogian Cossacks, to submit to me voluntarily and without any resistance, and to desist from troubling me with your attacks.

--Turkish Sultan Mahmud IV

Their reply

O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil's kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are you, that can't slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil excretes, and your army eats. You will not, you son of a bitch, make subjects of Christian sons; we've no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, **** your mother.

You Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, *********** of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, Armenian pig, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig's snout, mare's arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw your own mother!

So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won't even be herding Christian pigs. Now we'll conclude, for we don't know the date and don't own a calendar; the moon's in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day's the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!

#79 to #25 - anoxz

Reply+9

(07/12/2013)[-]

As a person with great interest in history, I would like some documentation, if possible.

#166 to #79 - flinkflonk

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reply_of_the_Zaporozhian_Cossacks

#31 to #25 - nadastress

Reply+5

(07/12/2013)[-]

Daenerys Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, called Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Mother of Dragons - Draconis bitches!

#32 to #31 - dafogman

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

#55 to #31 - anon id: a8256640

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

You forgot Jesus Christ reborn, The Gods divine gift to the world and the center of the entire universe.
So many people think shes gonna be the savior of Westeros. I think its far more likely and interesting that she will become as ******* insane as her father and be more of villain type character.

#37 to #25 - HarvietheDinkle

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

I thought you were going to do the "What the **** did you just say to me you little bitch" thing for the reply.

#36 to #25 - doctorque

Reply+2

(07/12/2013)[-]

I see we have a crackedhead here

#101 to #36 - commontroll

Reply+1

(07/12/2013)[-]

Ah, and another... That was a good article.

#167 to #101 - doctorque

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

yeah one of the ones I faved

#170 to #167 - commontroll

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

Another of my favorites was "Merde."

Just flawless, after such eloquence, such posh and such, everything was so polite and cordial. Then, "********." Love it.

#171 to #170 - doctorque

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

Never read that one.

#172 to #171 - commontroll

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

Oh man, it's great. It's one of the comeback articles. And it's just awesome. I need to find it again.

#173 to #172 - doctorque

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

I will find it when I wake up.

#74 to #25 - applescryatnight

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

i was expecting them to end with
"and **** your mother"
they had a pattern going...

#63 to #25 - farfingschitter

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Santa Claus?

#168 to #63 - doctorque

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

"nobody laughs harder than the Murder Clause"

#35 to #25 - lankyman

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Painting is by Ilya Repin, just in case any one is wondering

Thanks for attaching the painting to the event

#34 to #25 - poojitsu

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Are you by any chance Ukrainian?

#43 to #34 - flinkflonk

Reply-1

(07/12/2013)[-]

Nope

#100 - greyshirtguy

Reply+16

(07/12/2013)[-]

And then Philip II of Macedonia has a son, Alexander the Great, who practically owned the **** out of everyone and fought on the front lines, directing the attack. Also, he defeated many armies and conquered many cities. However, each city he conquered, he set free. If they had a diffrent religion, he let them practice their beliefs. If they were slaves, he gave them their freedom. Because of these acts he gained their loyalty. No other king in this time would tolerate such a thing. King of Macedonia, Persia and Asia. Plus, Pharoah of Egypt, the human nature that Alexander displayed was the main reason why the Egyptians made him a Pharoah, and in those times that pretty much made him a god.

But ya'know, Spartas are still cool an' stuff as well...

#126 to #100 - Onemanretardpack

Reply+5

(07/12/2013)[-]

So, who else just realized Daenaryes Targaryen is based off of Alexander the Great?

#179 to #126 - jacksipian#466 on commentsRank#466

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

what is that?

#122 to #100 - beerterror

Reply+1

(07/12/2013)[-]

And then his empire collapsed in a generation. And then, a Senat of Rome conquered nearly as much land, defeating more powerful foes. And then came Ceasars. And after thousand years came Genghis Khan.
Alexander is fine and Gaugamela was probably a perfectly conducted battle, but he was a boy who bit more by far than he could chew.

#109 to #100 - Deeticky

Reply+1

(07/12/2013)[-]

I enjoyed your comment because Alexander was awesome, but he never did actually conquer Sparta.

Alexander, after defeating Persia, sent 300 suits of armor to Athens, with the following inscription:

Alexander, son of Philip, and all the Greeks except the Spartans, give these offerings taken from the foreigners who live in Asia.

#116 to #109 - jacksipian#466 on commentsRank#466

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

give them to who?

#163 to #116 - Deeticky

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

Athens.

#164 to #163 - jacksipian#466 on commentsRank#466

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

why?

#165 to #164 - Deeticky

Reply+1

(07/13/2013)[-]

When he conquered Persia, he found more riches there then he could imagine. So he sent 300 suits of the finest Persian armor to Athens as a token of his gratitude for their service and vassalage.

#178 to #165 - jacksipian#466 on commentsRank#466

Reply0

(07/13/2013)[-]

oh, cool. thanks

#40 - salihzzz

Reply+16

(07/12/2013)[-]

Or when Tito of yugoslavia sent Stalin a letter after Stalin tried to assassinate him for the 22nd time.
Tito to stalin:
'Stop sending people to kill me. We've already captured five of them, one of them with a bomb and another with a rifle... If you don't stop sending killers, I'll send one to Moscow, and I won't have to send a second.'

#68 - anon id: 99f59f33

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Its funny how greeks think they are descendants of the ancient people that lived on those lands. Everyone here in Germany and probably in the rest of europe sees you as the "******" of europe. You are dark skinned , poor, and primitive by the looks of your politics. All those yugoslavian countries will be able to eat you for breakfast in a couple of years.

#69 to #68 - iamtheblackgoat [OP]

Reply+12

(07/12/2013)[-]

#82 to #68 - anon id: e410e879

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Though you are correct the greeks of today are actually not descendants of the ancient greeks. They are a mix of Egyptians, Romans Jews and Turks. First of all maybe if you knew about the truth of Greece's economic crisis, you'd know they did nothing wrong. Goldmansachs ****** them hard. It was the greedy american pigs and their zionist jews who did it. How the hell is greece the ****** country when pretty much everyone is ******. Italy Portugal Spain, i can go on and on. Yes the greeks are totally the ones that have the primitive politics. Without them you'd be flinging **** off a tree branch. Greeks aren't even dark skinned and even if they were that has nothing to do with their problems. Go read a real history book and go watch some real news instead of the ******** lies you're being fed right now

#12 - lazorgator

Reply+10

(07/12/2013)[-]

And so he never invaded Sparta, sadly enough its because Sparta just wasn't worth the time, at this point in history it was a shell of his former self and on the way out. Later they submitted anyway.

#88 - TommyG

Reply+6

(07/12/2013)[-]

If, if is good.

#130 to #88 - Pestilence

Reply0

(07/12/2013)[-]

Made me smirk as I said it in his voice.

#70 - yugzer

Reply+6

(07/12/2013)[-]

**yugzer rolled a random image posted in comment #50 at Works Every Time **