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#27 - dedaluminus (07/10/2013) [-]
Back the **** up, ************* , and let me tell you about The God-Damn Sub-Mariner (yes, the hyphen is important.) Marvel comics has their own underwater superhero, and when they penned this sexy beast they did everything possible to make him NOT A BITCH. Underwater kingdom being attacked? Kill everyone responsible. Toxic waste being dumped into your ocean? ATTACK NEW YORK. That's right, this spangly-pantsed homo mermanus had enough balls to declare war on THE ENTIRE SURFACE. Aquaman doesn't even have enough balls to fill his silly orange jumpsuit. And he stuck with it, too. The only reason he stopped is because he found out that the Nazis were a bunch of dicks, and actively started fighting them instead. Fighting them how? Did he get the fishies to tell him what the Nazis were up to so he could tell someone else? NO. He went off and sunk 50 U-Boats. Dragged them to the ocean floor and broke their props with his BARE HANDS. Oh, what's that you say? Still sounds useless above water? Nope. This sparkling example of how to do a water-based superhero right can FLY. And he still has his super strength outside the water, too. He has to get wet every now and again to maintain top form, but even when completely dry he's more than a hundred times as strong as a normal human, and can still fly. And it's not like it's hard for him to get wet when EVERY WOMAN HE WALKS BY gets wet from his mere presence. He doesn't attack the surface much anymore, but there's a definite understanding that if the surface ***** **** up too much, he'll throw down. Even Iron Man had to get permission from this glorious mermaidman to install the arc reactor in New York harbor.

**** AQUAMAN. SUB-MARINER FOR LIFE.
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