Best Comeback Lines in History 1. If you don't know who the COMEBACK GENERAL is:<br /> www.funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/427010/Awesome+Comeback+General/&l
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Best Comeback Lines in History 1

r Comeback General here again., While
some have argued that my comeback
was the best of all time (even though it
never happened), here are acme of the
best comebacks of all time (and these
all really happened!):
After a long day of shooting a film in
Hollywood, John Barrymore and some
fellow actors stopped in at Lucey' s, a
popular watering hole near Paramount
Studios. After drinks,
Barrymore excused go to the
bathroom. In his slightly inebriated
side note: . condition, however, he inadvertently
this is the chose the ladies‘ room. As he was
grandfather relieving himself, a woman entered and
Drew was shocked to see a man urinating into
Barrymore (E. T., one of the toilets. "How dare you!" she
Charlie' s Angels, tio exclaimed, "This is for Indies!" The actor
First Dates, The turned toward the woman, organ in hand,
Wedding Singer) and resonantly said in full actor' s voice:
And so, madam, is this."
Truman Capote - At the height of his
popularity, he was drinking one evening with
friends in a crowded Key West bar. Nearby sat
a couple, both inebriated. The woman
recognized Capote, walked over to his table,
and gushingly asked him to autograph a paper
napkin. The woman' s husband, angry at his
wife' s display of interest in another man,
staggered over to Capote' s table and
assumed an intimidating position directly in
front of the diminutive writer. He then
side note: The writing
of Capote? last novel, _ . .
Pl COLD ELDER is proceeded to unzip his trousers and, in
told in the film Capote' s own words, "hauled out his
CCPC) equipment." As he did this, he bellowed in a
Capote is played by drunken slur, "Since you' re autographing
Philip Seymour things, why don' t you autograph this?" It was a
Hoffman (there is tense moment, and a hush fell over the room.
another him also ca/ led The silence was a blessing, for it allowed all
DUS. fve those within earshot to hear Capote' s soft,
seen the CAPOTE film voice deliver the perfect
and thought it emasculating reply: ''I don' t know if I can
brilliant. autograph it, but perhaps I can initial it."
Sir Winston Churchill - This one involves a
London party and Bessie Braddock, a socialist
Member of Parliament from Liverpool, who finally
had enough of Mr. Churchill being drunk at
parties. She reproached Churchill by charging,
Winston, you' re drunk!" The Grand Old Man may
have had one too many drinks, but he still had his
wits about him, replying: "You' re right, Bessie.
And you' re ugly. But tomorrow morning, I' ll be
sober. And you' ll still be ugay."
side note: Considered
by many the savior of And of course there' s also this one from Mr.
England during World Churchill: Nancy Astor was an American socialite
Wario, who married into an English branch of the
met an early end in wealthy Astor family (she holds the distinction of
while visiting New being the first woman to be seated in
York City. He almost Parliament]. At a dinner party in Blenheim
died “me” (it car hit him Churchill family Astor
wihile he chalking. became annoyed at an inebriated Winston
Also, despite being one Ch hill h tifi ti t .
s greatest we I ,w c was pen I ice mg on some apic.
Unable to take any more, she finally blurted out,
g, viii' ' ere "Winston, if you were my husband, I' d put poison
impediment early in /ife. in your coffee." Without missing arbeit, Churchill
replied: "Nancy, if you were my wife, I' d drink it."
President Calvin Coolidge - He was a relatively
quiet man and was known for his brevity,
though the few words he had made quite an
impression (he once said, ''I' never been
hurt by something I did not say." After an
recital, an acclaimed and heavily
respected opera singer was invited to the
White House. But apparently performing for
the president was quite a frightening
experience and her performance left much to
aide girafe.- became be desired. During the , one of
president l/ 1/. G. the White Houses? guests leaned over and
Harding died. by cause of whispered to Coolidge: "What do you think of
death WRA. i' diagrammed and his the singer' s execution?" Coolidge calmly
death remains a mystery replied. “pm all far it "
today.
Unknown flight attendant - Muhammad Ali once
took a flight on Eastern Airlines in the . A
flight attendant was making her final checks on the
passengers, but noticed Ali failed to fasten his seat
belt. She kindly asked him to do so, but Ali replied
quite arrogantly, "Superman don' t’ need no seat
belt." Not intimidated by the boxer? reputation and
f fame, the flight attendant replied: "Superman don' t
need no airplane either."
Abraham Lincoln was mat the most attractive
president, but he was, in a sense, almost
fascinatingly ugly. During a debate, Lincoln was
accused by his more hostile opponent of being
Lincoln managed to accomplish what
few men have done before, he defended himself
without insulting the other man, and even poked
fun at a flaw of his all in the same sentence.
Lincoln calmly turned to the crowd and said:
lfl had two faces, do you think I' d be wearing this
Cheer Wilde, the famous
Irish writer who was known
for his own quick wit and
comebacks, was bested one
evening by his friend, French
faim actress Sarah Bernhardt.
Mr. Wilde asked, "Do you
mind if I smoke?" to which
Madame Bernhardt replies, ''I
don' t care if you burn."
Stewie Griffin - His older sister,
Meg, excited about getting on
the flag team, announces to
her family, "Everybody! Guess
what I amt?" Little Stewie
replies, "Hmm, the end result
ofa drunken backseat
side note: "On the morning of September ll.. and a brake”
Willi. Seth Macfarlane. creator of FAMILY ?"
GUY and the voices of Peter. Brian. and Stewie.
was hooked on American Airlines Flight Hts
fly from Boston to Los Angeles. His travel
agent. however.. mixed upthe departure time
and he arrived at Logan Airport a happyhour late.
Flight ll was hijacked that morning
and was crashed intitle North Tower ofthe
World Trade Center."
Hope you enjoyed this. I know this one might get quite a
few "tldr" [too long, didn' t read] comments, but oh well,
pimpin' ain' t easy.
This post is dedicated to Bird for putting this
comment on my last lightsaber comic:
The tied m n nit i:: i: Amii:: s are ones that talk a t is ix other funny junk. ma tiers
The good one are just i:: i: Amii:: s
its a new was of thumb
was "ill,
just cu: he ma! -tea E the , u get mad
please keep these, 'iitylerii 1 of Mit favorite Ell"! Mi
...
+368
Views: 30397
Favorited: 105
Submitted: 05/28/2010
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Comments(59):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - mattinorodrigez **User deleted account** (05/28/2010) [-]
winston churchill came to my hometown for a parade during WW2 (im english you see) and there were anti war people so churchill said to his guard "shoot the peasants"
#16 - anonymous (05/28/2010) [-]
Seth MacFarlane on Flight 11: This is the worstplane ride I've been on since that one I took with Samuel L Jackson. *cut to Snakes On A Plane*
User avatar #28 - Quazar (05/29/2010) [-]
And there's the one where a reporter went to a white house dinner and was talking to president Coolidge. she said to him she had made a bet with a friend that she could get more than 2 words out of him. and he replied "You lose"
#22 - Amatory **User deleted account** (05/29/2010) [+] (1 reply)
Winston Churchill is a Manly Man!
User avatar #60 - bmazing (05/29/2010) [-]
take family guy out and it'll be perfect...
#26 - JuliusCaesar (05/29/2010) [-]
Another Oscar Wilde quote:
When Oscar Wilde was applying for Oxford University he was asked to read a Bible passage from Luke's Gospel in Latin (at the time the application process was in Latin). He read up the the part where Jesus was on the cross and the interviewer asked him to stop, Wilde replied "Damn, I wanted to find out what happened next".
#48 - jonnyscythe (05/29/2010) [-]
seth is still alive because jesus wanted more episodes of family guy
User avatar #41 - yojo ONLINE (05/29/2010) [+] (5 replies)
can someone explain the one about Calvin Coolidge? :P It's probably obvioius but I don't get it
User avatar #42 to #41 - crimsonviper (05/29/2010) [-]
execution as in style of performance but his reply took a different definition of the word.
#32 - anonymous (05/29/2010) [-]
One time my friend said, "Did you know they took gullible out of the dictionary?" My immediate response was, "Did you know they took your dick out of the dictionary because the definition was too short?"
User avatar #29 - LarryPlatt (05/29/2010) [+] (1 reply)
Another Calvin Coolidge one, a woman once approached him saying "I made a $50 bet with my friend that I could get you to say more than two words."

He responded saying, "you lose."
User avatar #36 to #29 - cmm (05/29/2010) [-]
*looks at this comment, looks at comment below me, looks at this comment again* wait a minute......
User avatar #24 - jaquewells (05/29/2010) [-]
Best comeback -
"What are you looking at?!"

"Good Question"
User avatar #23 - yoda (05/29/2010) [+] (2 replies)
best comeback ever was made by General Anthony McAuliffe with his famous quote to the german commanders in the battle of the bulge "Nuts"
#25 to #23 - anonymous (05/29/2010) [-]
"Merry Christmas."
(All nearby soldiers): "NUTS!"
User avatar #17 - Ejvind (05/28/2010) [-]
Damn Capote, you crazy.
User avatar #15 - Noah (05/28/2010) [-]
Yeah, you have the best comics in my opinion because yours get to the top because they're funny not because you're popular or a thumbwhore.
User avatar #13 - SteakFun (05/28/2010) [-]
Best comeback when someone calls you a pussy is...

Well you are what you eat.
User avatar #10 - airguitar (05/28/2010) [-]
Meg Griffin is ALWAYS a fail
#5 - HieiRyuujin **User deleted account** (05/28/2010) [-]
+1 from me. I'll read it later, I'm kind of busy at the moment.
User avatar #52 - GaryMotherfckinOak (05/29/2010) [-]
Churchill Ftw.
#50 - anonymous (05/29/2010) [-]
Coolidge had a better one:

He was sat down to dinner with a load of guests, and the one next to him was a beautiful and famous actress (though I can't remember who). As Coolidge was well known for being a man of few word, the actres said to him: 'I bet I can get you to say more than three words to me during the course of dinner'
Coolidge turned round, and said 'You lose'
User avatar #45 - GBDurrary (05/29/2010) [-]
This sir, is truly awesome. However, I put it to you, that by far the worlds greatest comeback falls to a frenchman. During the football (soccer) world cup of 2006, after a young italian commented, probably, on the frenchmans mother. The Frenchman used his lightning fast wits to headbutt the **** out of that Italian MOFO.
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