How to be Alpha

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How to be Alpha. There is no such thing as friendzones. Are you expecting to get a cookie for the thing your supposed to do? This comes rich from a guy who does

There is no such thing as friendzones. Are you expecting to get a cookie for the thing your supposed to do?
This comes rich from a guy who doesn't have a girlfriend... that's me

Tags: How | to | get | a | girlfriend | alpha | as | fuck

how to ask a girl aut;
Get that ************ alone, so ene ems
is with you. Sit her the **** down and sit
dawn right next to her. Give her something,
like idk chocolate er whatever the **** girls
like, tampons er seme **** . Hold her hands,
both of them, not just ene cause there
******* pussy. Look into her eyes, deep as
**** , do that **** don 't just think about
daing it, Stay there fer a few seconds, hold
that position then when you have big
enough balls ask the bitch out. Just five
simple words will you be my girlfriend?‘
cause that ***** s cuter than 'will you go out
with me? After all this you will have a
girlfriend then you will eema back and thank
me for this. Have fun being in a relationship
******* .

...

+827

Views:	37560
Favorited:	244
Submitted:	07/02/2013

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45 comments displayed.

+166

#40 - awec (07/03/2013) [-]

"Get that ************ alone"

#188 to #40 - clonesmustdie (07/03/2013) [-]

Any of the following should suffice:

"Hey can I talk to you alone for a sec?"
"Wow that looks cool, lets go get a closer look"
"Go alone with me to this alley I need to do something really important"
"Does this smell like chloroform to you?"

+30

#95 - ThatsSoFunnyHeHe (07/03/2013) [-]

I lack the balls required for this.

+97

#99 to #95 - gwynn (07/03/2013) [-]

#101 to #99 - ThatsSoFunnyHeHe (07/03/2013) [-]

I'd already be tripping over my words.
I don't think getting drunk is a great idea.

#105 to #101 - gwynn (07/03/2013) [-]

Not ground holding drunk.
Just drunk.
Drink till the point that you want to dance (when you don't know how)
Most important part, do not loose control over you own actions when drunk. Always think a few seconds before saying something. If you relay want to say it, that drunkenness will give you a kick in ass that will help you.

#159 to #105 - rzone (07/03/2013) [-]

"drink till the point that you want to dance (when you dont know how)"
Words of wisdom right here, by now I know exactly how much I need to drink to get to that, and it's gotten me more 8's than I could ever have the balls to talk to while sober.

#117 to #105 - sonicg ONLINE (07/03/2013) [-]

But if you **** up and drink until you get to that point, you'll surpass it and get to falling over while sitting down drunk/fall out of the car and not wanna move from the comfy as **** grass drunk.

#176 to #99 - anon (07/03/2013) [-]

Worked for me and my girlfriend actually. In a dorm room, alone, drunk on Royal Reserve whiskey we bought from her ex, we confessed our feelings to each other. It was magical and the greatest thing that l feel has ever happened in my life. I then proceeded to puke violently on her favorite blanket. To which she replied "I was going to kiss you, but then you puked all over my blanket. Goodnight..."

Fast foreward close to 9 months and we're still going strong.

+289

#29 - Hightower (07/03/2013) [-]

But what if my wife finds out?

#100 to #29 - xldarkking (07/03/2013) [-]

tell her your a Mormon now

#72 to #29 - anon (07/03/2013) [-]

Tell your daughter to not tell her.

+238

#9 - franger (07/02/2013) [-]

Headin' out to find me some wimmin.

+195

#4 - cyborgturtle (07/02/2013) [-]

MFW this doesn't work and i come back here

+73

#1 - adolfsama **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]

#248 to #1 - servantd (07/06/2013) [-]

Shouldn't it be "were enemies"?

+58

#55 - deathrinder ONLINE (07/03/2013) [-]

#157 to #55 - ryanburry (07/03/2013) [-]

Step 9, the real problem.

#65 to #55 - hasinvadedyou ONLINE (07/03/2013) [-]

step 9 and 12 conflict, either you talk to her like a normal person or you suck up to her and say you agree with her flawed opinions, this is why prostitution will never go out of business...

#111 to #65 - sabaton (07/03/2013) [-]

+50

#63 - pulpunderground (07/03/2013) [-]

Instructions were unclear, accidentally taking sister on a date tomorrow.

#69 to #63 - Spikeydeath (07/03/2013) [-]

incest is wincest brother

#32 - anon (07/03/2013) [-]

Yes, I am in fact a girl and like many others I have always dreamt of a stranger who sits down next to me, gives me tampons, proceeds to hold my hand, stare at me and asks me to be his girlfriend.

#51 to #32 - settlwlvs (07/03/2013) [-]

Chocolate tampons or strawberry? I must know, for reasons...

#62 to #51 - iforgetwhattosay (07/03/2013) [-]

chocolate covered strawberry tampons. works every time.

#57 to #32 - anon (07/03/2013) [-]

Hands*

+17

#123 - samoaspider (07/03/2013) [-]

Plan B:
Ay gurl, does this smell like chloroform to you?

+24

#49 - settlwlvs (07/03/2013) [-]

She screamed "Let go of me! Help! Someone!" when I tried to grab her hands and hold them there.

In hindsight, maybe I should have tried this on someone I know, and given her something other than a dead raccoon.

+32

#54 - ohgodmysides (07/03/2013) [-]

Instructions weren't clear enough, I got my penis stuck in a vagina.

Oh...

+10

#151 - parralax (07/03/2013) [-]

Instructions weren't clear enough, my sister said no.

+10

#118 - emergence **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]

#122 to #118 - scorponok (07/03/2013) [-]

You sure about that?

#127 to #122 - randacc (07/03/2013) [-]

+10

#110 - assclownz (07/03/2013) [-]

add " **** " and " **** " as many times into a post and you'll always get thumbs

+10

#92 - sphinxe (07/03/2013) [-]

How my relationship began:

"Alright Josh, go out with me."

"No."

Now we're boyfriend and girlfriend.
Happily ever after.

#138 to #92 - thebestperson (07/03/2013) [-]

I asked my boyfriend out first. "Dude, I've fallen for you harder than the Twin Towers, so will you be my boyfriend?"

Bastard said no. At first.

#141 to #138 - syrenthra (07/03/2013) [-]

I... don't... at least you two have similar styles of humor

#142 to #141 - thebestperson (07/03/2013) [-]

I thought it was pretty damn romantic.

#145 to #142 - syrenthra (07/03/2013) [-]

and hey, you both are people with ****** up humors so it worked well and don't take the humor as an insult, I would have laughed by ass off at that so