The English Middle Finger. Good luck. If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than Suit of the native Englis english
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The English Middle Finger

Tags: english
If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will
be speaking English better than Suit of the native English speakers
in the world.
After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he' d prefer six months of
hard labour to reading six lines aloud.
Dearest cream re in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse,
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and swam, retain and Britain.
Mind the latter, how if s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Floris mould like should and would.
viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your ' s DH
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clamour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does, Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, low.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with death.
Fluffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal,
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succor r, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, am aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and Erie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass,
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
ought, out, must and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
no not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation [think of Psyche!}
is a paling stout and spiny?
won' t it make you lose your wits,
Writing goats and saying grits?
its a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
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Submitted: 06/14/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#5 - iamtheblackgoat (06/14/2013) [+] (67 replies)
It boggles my mind that so many people in the world have learned English...yes, yes, yes, it's the native tongue of the UK and America, two of the biggest, most influential world powers, but linguistically, English is ******** complicated...our phonetics make no sense, we have no conjugation structure, and no other language relies so much on punctuation to get points across

#12 - karmakoala (06/14/2013) [+] (2 replies)
Instructions weren't clear enough, read it in Hebrew
User avatar #24 - duskmane ONLINE (06/14/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I'm saving this.
I've not had such fun with words in ages.
#126 - mamen (06/15/2013) [-]
Thought this poem was about rape after reading the first few lines.
#178 - alawabidingcitizen (06/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Started trying to do it. Stopped.   
"How long is this?"   
Check to see.   
Started trying to do it. Stopped.
"How long is this?"
Check to see.
User avatar #48 - trolljunkusa ONLINE (06/15/2013) [+] (3 replies)
I did this poem for poetry out loud. Really ******* easy now
User avatar #54 to #51 - trolljunkusa ONLINE (06/15/2013) [-]
Very carefully.
#158 - puppetstigma **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (6 replies)
#205 - therulethirtyfour (06/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
As an English teacher I have this (abbreviated) posted in my classroom and tell students that if they pronounce all of the words correctly they automatically get A's on their vocabulary tests and don't have to take them.

Many have tried, only one has succeeded.

>What my other students sound like when they attempt to read it.
User avatar #212 - captchakid ONLINE (06/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Easy. Might have missed a few words here and there since I had previously never heard of or said them before.
#192 - teenytinyspider (06/15/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Mfw just a few of these words I didn't even know how to pronounce.

And I'm generally extremely good in English too.
#168 - offodd (06/15/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#146 - aerius (06/15/2013) [-]
No problems here.
No problems here.
User avatar #110 - landrower (06/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
it was quite easy actually, the only problem were words i did not know.
and tthe worst part is it was just random words aligned so that it would rhyme somehow...
User avatar #29 - killerliquid (06/15/2013) [-]
Good job lightbulb.

But how do you get this and not Tumblr stuffs...
User avatar #183 - vladhellsing (06/15/2013) [-]
Aside from 3 words I've never seen before, I nailed it.
User avatar #174 - usepowerbutton (06/15/2013) [-]
Run a beat, start rap to this.
#229 - mrcheekyface (06/15/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#216 - Capnhowdy ONLINE (06/15/2013) [+] (1 reply)
#17 - pentol ONLINE (06/14/2013) [+] (14 replies)
i am to lazy to google.
what does the following words mean?
sward ,ague, terpsichore, reviles
mica, balmoral, melpomene,billet
sieve, privy, enamour, clangour
mauve, gauze, dost, loth
nob, transom, victual, FeOffer ,heifer
mover, plait, chaise, succour, aver
skein, heron, preface, efface , phlegm
phlegmatic, ere , groats , grits, gunwale
islington, indict?

i never learned those in school
User avatar #32 to #17 - ningyoaijin ONLINE (06/15/2013) [-]
Ague - a state of incapacitation due to illness;
Reviles - generally disliking or having a distaste for something;
Mica - pretty sure it's a type of rock;
Billet - a type of dormitory (I think);
Sieve - a wire mesh used to drain mixtures of water, separate flour, etc;
Privy - to know something;
Enamour - to be in love;
Clangour - I'm guessing noise?;
Mauve - a colour, purplish I think;
Gauze - a cloth mesh to put on wounds or absorb liquid;
Dost - old English for "does";
Heifer - a cow that hasn't given birth yet;
Plait - the act of braiding hair, or the braided hair itself (refers to the pattern, not the hair itself);
Succour - help or assistance;
Aver - not sure, but probably old English for "averse", meaning to dislike something;
Heron - a bird. It's also the name of a market chain;
Preface - an introduction;
Efface - not sure, but from context it's probably an ending;
Phlegm - mucus;
Phlegmatic - all mucus'd up;
Islington - probably a place name.

Missed the ones I don't know.
User avatar #1 - hypex ONLINE (06/14/2013) [+] (1 reply)
this is awesome english practice... take it from a non-native
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