wrote this while bored at work and high on caffeine... though I s worth sharing. Feel free to skip. It' s from a Skype conversation...
I' m imagining people shoveling cow fetuses in furnaces instead of coal...
could you imagine?
We found out one day by accident that baby cows are the best fuel imaginable
like... several times better than coal
more heat generated, no smoke, no ashes...
Imagine the unveiling
Today we' discovered a fuel source several magnitudes better than anything we have, including nuclear power.
It' s cow fetuses...
Are there any questions?
Yes, hi. I' m from People Magazine and I' d just like to know... how?
How what, sir?
How... did you guys found that out?
Do you know anything about science?
The question will never be "Why?" but instead "Why not?"
Yeah, we' re gonna need some time to process this...
What? Why? We found energy better in any and every aspect than anything we curently have...
Yeah, but... fetuses...
Oh, so you' re anti choice, eh? Anti woman, are we?!
No, but... we don' t throw the abortions into a furnace .
No, a dumpster is much better. This way, at least nothing is wasted!
Can the cows say "yes" for their unborn children to be taken and put in a furnace...?
Cows can' t talk...
I' m aware ofthis... I was just trying to make a point...
That cows don' t talk? It' s, I think, common knowledge...
I' m... okay... any type of fetus is good?
Of course, but we' ll only use rejects. Cows with certain genetic problems...
Oh, that sound's-
that we inject in the cows genetic code prior to conception.
Oh, well... then why bother?
You monster! Otherwise we' d throw away good meat!
Oh, okay... I guess you may be right... tthink... I think I' m starting to be on board with this whole thing. I mean, are there any down sides?
Not at all. We burn them until they' vanished completely in form of energy or atmospheric waste. The power they generate is higher than our curent nuclear power plants. The
COY footprint is lower than that of cars for a few tons of fueld-
A few tons of fetuses.. and, of course, we will only use cows that couldn' t live long outside the otheres anyway...
Well, that sounds prettyy-
because we extract it before it can develope well enough to survive outside its mother.
Why do you keep doing that?
Making everything seem cool and then...
Nothing. Okay, you sold me, actually, weirdly enough. I mean, they' re just dead am...
Oh, they have to be alive.
Are you fucking kidding me...
Well, we found that the second the soul leaves the body, it releases a great amount of energy to do so, and from our studies, cow fetuses were the ones releasing the most energy
when leaving the body.
How many more animals have you tested?
Animals..? Oh, we' tested on every living thing.
Every living thing...?
Ye... one secon aha. hmhmm my lawyer advices against answering to that question.
Okay, ajust realized... their soul...?
Actually, the soul has been proven to exist during the second world war, along with the discovery of the Nebulae species that regularly exchange information with Earth for the
price of a few teen virgins. Sad to say, but unsurprising, the exchange of information has weakend in recent years to lack of resources... oh, excuse me. *presses earpiece' Yes?
Aha... oh... really? But everybody must' seen... no? Then how do they think we ever... oh... aha... I understand, sir. Thankyou. 'releases earpiece* I have been made aware that
information is clasified and we must use memory erasing technology on this entire conference and watched it live.
You can do that?
Of course. The technology was given to us in ancient egypt when beings from a higher dimension decided... one second... 'presses earpiece* aha... I' m sorry, sir. How do they not
know these basic... oh... really? We did? Why would we... of course... yes.. I understand, sir. And a good day to you. 'releases headset* I was made aware I have been fired and that
memory erasing technology will not be able to remove everything without leaving serious brain damage. We' re sorry, but it seems we need to travel back in time before any of this
ever happened and start over, again...
1144910 to #1144909 - payseht ONLINE (4 hours ago) [-]
Again... time travel...?
Of course. Humans from the future traveled back in time and... one second 'presses headset* Yes, sir? I understand. Goodbye, sir 'releases headset* It seems that something has
happened near our second Sun.
Why yes. It' s information was given to us by Horus, the only real god that frequently speaks with our planet' s greatest mind, George Bush.
Oh, quite the contrary. It' s merely a ruse. You see, his intelligence is incredibly high. His brain chemistry works... differently... his IQ cannot even be measured and he has proven to
have powers such as mind control, telekinesis, telepathy, and so on. The reason he seems an idiot is because he' s acting less smart so as to not be discovered by the shapeshifter
Martians, and he... well... One second, please. *presses headset* Yes, sir? Oh... really? Top secret you say... well, it hardly matters at this point seeing there' s a rip in that
will destroy everything in existence in a few seconds.
What was that about a time -
And they all died. The end.