You. . You' re suicidal and still here. I am so proud ofyou,. only because i can't physically do it by myself and i can't find someone to help me... You You' re suicidal and still here I am so proud ofyou only because i can't physically do it by myself find someone to help me
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> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#4 - mogierk
Reply +32 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
only because i can't physically do it by myself and i can't find someone to help me...
User avatar #29 to #4 - mrmoxie
Reply -4 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Pull a gun on a cop.
The Church of Euthanasia will gladly help you.

Save the world, kill yourself.
User avatar #98 to #4 - zenherp
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
find 5 heliums
User avatar #210 to #4 - stijnverheye
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
i thought about for when i really want it


get a car , get a fire hose combined with the exhaust with other end to windows .
you should fall asleep of decreasing oxygen and before you know it your dead
#15 to #4 - anon id: f8f6f6a9
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
lel pussy
#61 to #4 - kingpongthedon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Why not go out and do all that ****?   
Wanna be a marine?  Go join the Marines.   
Wanna save somebody's princess?  Go volunteer to become a firefighter.   
Become somebody worth talking to, instead of complaining how nobody wants to talk to you.   
   
You say the only reason you haven't offed yourself is because you can't physically do it.  That's exactly the mindset that's causing you to want to end it.  There may be some physical issues with you, but don't let that stop you from living a full life.  Be the next Stephen Hawking, then.  The dude can't even talk on his own and he still revolutionized modern physics.   
   
Gif related: Aaron "Wheelz" Fotheringham, first person to land a wheelchair backflip, turned his handicap into an extreme sport.
Why not go out and do all that ****?
Wanna be a marine? Go join the Marines.
Wanna save somebody's princess? Go volunteer to become a firefighter.
Become somebody worth talking to, instead of complaining how nobody wants to talk to you.

You say the only reason you haven't offed yourself is because you can't physically do it. That's exactly the mindset that's causing you to want to end it. There may be some physical issues with you, but don't let that stop you from living a full life. Be the next Stephen Hawking, then. The dude can't even talk on his own and he still revolutionized modern physics.

Gif related: Aaron "Wheelz" Fotheringham, first person to land a wheelchair backflip, turned his handicap into an extreme sport.
#242 to #61 - mogierk
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
#293 to #242 - kingpongthedon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Yes I ******* do, I had this just a little below knowing full well what the problem is:

Now here's my personal story: I'm a college student and prone to massive depression and can't afford proper meds. So yeah, I'll go lock myself in my room with the lights down and the shades drawn for weeks on end, but I get **** done while I'm down there. I'll read a textbook from cover to cover, I'll **** around on the keyboard I recently bought, I'll work on research I'm involved in, I do absolutely anything I can to keep my mind from drifting back from how ******* worthless life is, and with a harder task, it's harder to slip back to that thought. Then next thing I know, I'm making great grades, I'm actually learning to play music, and I'm making significant advances in groundbreaking research. And suddenly, life seems good again.
User avatar #179 to #61 - paintplayer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
**** those people who are thumbing you down. There are two types of people in this world (lol Tumblr): those who believe they can and those who don't believe they can. And success is reserved for the former. Keep your attitude, it's all too rare nowadays.
#277 to #179 - anon id: 3ed533b1
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I think he failed to account for some things but his message is clear.

As long as you can think and communicate, you can be happy and successful in life.
Life starts to suck when you give up. But as long as you're alive, you can get back in the race again. It's never too late to enjoy your life.
#120 to #61 - vaginismus
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
If only it was that easy.
#183 to #120 - kingpongthedon
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Nobody said **** about it being easier, but if you actually get the courage to go out and do something, you'll see that just about anything is easier than constantly subjecting yourself to your own internal torment. That **** will kill you.

Now here's my personal story: I'm a college student and prone to massive depression and can't afford proper meds. So yeah, I'll go lock myself in my room with the lights down and the shades drawn for weeks on end, but I get **** done while I'm down there. I'll read a textbook from cover to cover, I'll **** around on the keyboard I recently bought, I'll work on research I'm involved in, I do absolutely anything I can to keep my mind from drifting back from how ******* worthless life is, and with a harder task, it's harder to slip back to that thought. Then next thing I know, I'm making great grades, I'm actually learning to play music, and I'm making significant advances in groundbreaking research. And suddenly, life seems good again.
#196 to #183 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I go to school and work 5 days a week. I try to do stuff that grabs my interest. I socialize with my friends. It should be, but life still ain't great for me. And I know it's all inside my head. That's exactly why I'm getting help; previously I always managed to get myself back on my feet, but now it's got to the point it's not possible anymore by myself. I have to push myself out of the door every morning instead of staying in bed like I want to. Having social and general anxiety on top of all the depression and **** I have is exactly the kind of thing that usually stops me from having fun.

Also, I would like to refer to my commend #187
#300 to #196 - kingpongthedon
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
Dude, I've been exactly there, else I wouldn't feel I was justified saying anything.

But yeah, asking for help is the hardest part. Even still, after doing so, I found I couldn't afford meds and the available therapist was a jackass (honestly, he's a great guy, but I couldn't see it at the time due to my own issues). So basically, I thought nobody could help me. Eventually, I just came to the conclusion that I had to do it on my own (though I freely admit illicit substances helped me come to this conclusion). Part of the whole studying during depression thing became studying my own issues. Did some research on the neurological aspects of it and grew to accept that it's always going to be there, no matter what.

However, I did come across some basic lifestyle changes that could seriously mitigate the problem: diet and exercise. And I know it sounds like ********, but you gotta remember that much of the problem is chemical in nature, so it's not just the standard "less red/more green" diet and just do push-ups until you're not fat anymore, it's got to be tailored to your particular problems. Changing my diet wasn't that hard, maybe it was just a coincidence (though I doubt it), but I found that what worked best was what I wanted to be eating to begin with. Exercise was a bitch to get started on, I just couldn't get myself to do it without like a gallon of Red Bull, but now it's no problem to wake up and do an hour of cardio and get a good lift in. Sure, some days it's much harder to get going, but it's not that absolutely drained kind of tired I had constantly before. I've got a regimen now that I stick to because it seems to work, maybe it's all just placebo effect, but despite having some seriously traumatic events happen lately, I can say that I haven't experienced a major problem for over a year and a half, so I'm damn sure not gonna stop it.

I'm far from "cured" if that's even possible, but I'm much better than I was before.
#303 to #196 - kingpongthedon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
As for social anxiety, what worked for me was alcohol. I know I'm gonna sound like an alcoholic, but I used it as a social crutch, because I sure as **** couldn't do it by myself. I'll be right up front and tell you a lot of the time I probably couldn't form a complete sentence, but at least I was trying, which was more than I was doing before. You'll still develop the skills, but you'll find you don't need as much booze to be comfortable, til eventually, you're just going on your own. Hell, now I'm typically DD just cause I don't need to be drunk to be social anymore. As long as you're using it as a tool and not an escape, you should be just fine.
#309 to #303 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
For me it was alcohol too, until I realized that I really used it as an escape (I drank at least 0.5L vodka per night which for a girl my size is pretty ******* much, sometimes I drank more, sometimes used other substances with it), and that what I was doing made no sense. I did stupid things and had to suffer from it. Alcohol also deepened my depression, even as it helped the social anxiety.

I want to be healthy, physically and mentally, but perhaps the starting point is the hardest after all. I'm trying.

Really glad though that you could grab yourself by the neck by yourself. You can be proud of yourself!
#312 to #309 - kingpongthedon
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/24/2013) [-]
Totally feel you, I used to (and still do more than I'd like to admit) kill a handle in a weekend and I'm a fairly small dude. Like yourself, other **** was frequently mixed in with it, uppers, downers, lefters, righters, I was down for anything without a needle (phobia, not moral decision). And yeah, alcohol will make you do some stupid **** and make you more depressed in the long run, often even in the short run, for myself. But somehow (combination of alcohol and an unknown illicit substance, if I had to guess, I'd probably go with DMT), I came to the conclusion that I was the master of my own destiny. I realized drugs, booze specifically, weren't the escape, they were just a tool to get there. As a tool, it's no more powerful than a screwdriver (probably not the best choice when talking about alcohol), or a hammer. It was sort of a crystalizing moment for me. As a tool, I suddenly had the freedom to pick it up only when I saw fit. Since that realization, I've had 3 blackouts over the past year and a half (each time on purpose), compared to at least 3 times a month before that. Also, the whole body aspect of it started a little after that (after all my body is part of my destiny), which I'm completely convinced helps mitigate the problem. Honestly, I'm glad I could never afford meds, because I probably wouldn't have been able to come to that conclusion, since I'd feel like I was just trading one dependency for another.

Like I said, I'm far from cured of anything, but progress is progress, and that's probably all you can ask for.

I wanna be clear, I'm not advocating using until you have that sudden crystalizing moment, because it's probably not gonna happen, I was just lucky. However, it provided the spark (an admittedly huge one) to get me started on a path to wellness. And I know, it's probably all stuff you've heard before, I had as well, but it still never made sense until it actually happened to me.
#313 to #312 - kingpongthedon
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/24/2013) [-]
But here's what I've got to say that's different, at least I never heard it from anybody:

One day that spark will come along when you least expect it, and when it does, you have to be able to recognize it immediately, or else you'll miss your opportunity. It'll probably be something like today is a ******** instead of today is ******* ****. It's still ****, but if you're conscious that progress has been made, then it's one more thing to add to the good pile and suddenly the day was now only partly ******. But if you're like me, you know that some days are worse than others, purely by chance, it's likely that tomorrow will be ******* ******, so that's not really a permanent fix in and of itself. So here's the trick, now that you're only feeling kind of ******, instead of ******* ******, do something with tangible gains. Read a short book, learn an easy piece of music, anything where you can see results immediately. You've just proven to yourself that you can get better at something, why shouldn't you be able to get better at this other thing? Now you've got to go to bed and wake up tomorrow, is it going to be a ****** day when you wake up? Probably, but at least I'm a measurably better person than I was yesterday, there's no doubt, I can do that thing I couldn't do yesterday when I woke up. And now already, we're off to a better start than we were yesterday. Now you feel a little better already, so do something with it just like you did yesterday. You'll see that over time, the effect begins to amplify. Keep this up and eventually you'll find you wake up and it's a good day.
#314 to #313 - kingpongthedon
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/24/2013) [-]
And no, the hardest part isn't starting, it's keeping it all going once it's started. You will hit plateaus in both your emotional state and on the learning curve of whatever skill you've picked up. Some days are just going to be worse than others. You can't let that discourage you. You have to learn to look at it as at least I'm not any worse, or if you are, at least you're not as bad as you once were. Otherwise, you're adding negative on negative instead of positive on positive.

It's really just retraining your brain. After all, isn't that what's broken to begin with? It's not a complete fix, though, at least not yet for me. I frequently have to work my way up from the bottom of that hole, that's just the nature of the disease. But here's the thing; I now have a well traveled path to get up, that I didn't have before. Each time I fall in that hole, it gets a little easier to get out. Furthermore, the hole seems to be filling in. The hole seems much shallower than it used to be, maybe one day I'll even have it completely filled in.

You already know you have to change your mindset, I'm sure you've heard that millions of times, but what nobody ever says is that it's a process. People always talk about it like you can just decide that the world is gilded roses on a whim, and we both know that's ********. If you could, you wouldn't be depressed to begin with. What you can do, however, is train yourself to work yourself out of it. That's the best advice I can give, I hope it helps, and good luck.
#317 to #314 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/25/2013) [-]
I totally know what you mean. I've had those clear moments - though about smaller things. But once, when I wasn't under any influence, and I had hit the rock bottom, I was writing my diary and for some reason started to read a few previous pages. And then it hit me, not like a lightning in the sky, more like a small electric shock, that what was going through my head wasn't normal. I held on to the bitterness and hate I had for those close to me that had hurt me bad. I fantasized about hurting them, or taking them down with me, and I suddenly realized that ****, I can't do that. It's not my place to take someone's life, or **** it up as mine was ****** up. That's when I decided that I would get help, and get better. Those thoughts still plague me like nightmares, and I haven't told anyone because I was afraid I would get locked up somewhere. Hell, I know those kind of thoughts are wrong, and I know I'm not gonna act on them.

As for the getting better at something, it's a big part of why I still go to work. I never would've thought I would be as good in my work as I am, and I'm getting better every day. Sure, there are bad days, when I'm holding tears and thinking I can't do it. But the next day I accomplish something, and again I feel really good about myself. Right now I'm going by the day. Sometimes my feels can go from being at the top of the world to feeling like the lowest **** on Earth, just in one day (I might have type two bipolarity, but it's difficult to diagnose). You give good advice, though, and it's really comforting to read about someone's experiences dealing with depression. I know I'm not the only one feeling like this, and I know it can get a whole lot better. So thank you, and good luck to you too. I wouldn't want the depression medicine, but I have to take them if I want to get talk treatment, so I'm not going to depend on the medicine to get me better, I'm going to depend on finally working through some rough things in my life.
#321 to #317 - kingpongthedon
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
Well ****, type 2, here as well. At least that's the tentative diagnosis I got before I gave up on therapy and the like. But yeah, I totally relate to everything you said there.

So onto the good stuff. I already kinda touched on diet and exercise and how it's worked wonders for me, but here's a few more details if you're at all interested:

For exercise, you want to do as much as you possibly can, both physically or mentally. You're not interested in intensity, you're interested in length. Jog lightly until you're bored or tired. Get in a lift where you can do a lot of reps comfortably. You're not trying to lose 50 lbs in six weeks or any of that P90X ********. You just want to be tired and a little sore afterwards. As I'm sure you already know, exercise releases a barrage of chemicals to cope with the pain, same reason some people enjoy cutting themselves. The difference is when you do exercise like this, it'll be released over a day or two. Now many of the same chemicals are those associated with the manic phase. So by releasing them slowly and steadily you help bring down the upper extreme. Although it can be fun as ****, it's definitely when I do the most damage to myself and others. It also means you won't get that come down afterwards, so the depression that follows won't be nearly as bad as before. And as cliched as it is, when you look good, you feel good, and regular exercise certainly helps with that. It's not something I need to do daily, just whenever I get the chance.

For diet, it's pretty simple. Eat lots of colorful, flavorful vegetables like peppers (red and yellow, preferably), onions (red again), and garlic. And cook with lots of oil. The veggies and oil used to saute add a lot of the material your body uses to make the regulatory chemicals that you just don't get as much of anywhere else. I try to avoid deep frying, for physical health reasons, so I primarily just saute.
#322 to #321 - kingpongthedon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
Furthermore, cooking has become my therapy. One of the reasons I think traditional therapy failed for me was because it was more time spent focusing on how I'm ****** up and I already did enough of that on my own. It was the exact opposite of what I needed to be doing. I know meditation works for some people, and I've I tried it, but I just found I couldn't stop my thoughts from racing. Then I realized that throughout my life, the only times I've ever had a clear mind was when I was doing some high intensity task, driving 150 mph down the interstate, catching the the big wave, getting in a fight, even mundane **** like taking a brutally hard test. I had to just overload my mind until I couldn't think about how ****** up my life was. Cooking provides that and it does it with minimal risk. Dicing vegetables, I gotta make sure I don't chop off a fingertip. Sauteing, I gotta make sure I don't throw boiling oil on myself. I gotta make sure I don't burn this pan, I gotta time this so it's done with this is other thing is done. The more focused I am on my cooking, the less I'm focused on being ****** up. It also helped me learn to deal with that anxiety. Cooking is a process and it takes time. And there's clear consequences to when you get too anxious and pull something off before it's ready, it'll be under-cooked and taste like ****, or you turn up the heat and burn the outside. And then there's that constant fear of I can't see the inside, so you **** up more trying to account for that. Eventually, you learn that if you want to eat good food, you're just gonna have to learn to deal with that anxiety. And then you can take that, and apply it elsewhere in life. I'm sure you can imagine how much easier life is without having that anxiety going at all times. Plus, it's another skill to develop.
#323 to #322 - kingpongthedon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
So I guess what I'm saying boils down to this: Try the therapy, maybe it'll work for you, but if it doesn't, don't get discouraged like I did. Everybody's different and it's asinine to think there's a cure-all for anything, especially for something as complex as the mind. And maybe what works for me, won't work for you, but it's something to try. Ultimately, you just have to find what works for you, whether or not it works for anybody else.
#325 to #323 - vaginismus
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
I enjoy exercise very much - I used to go to the gym, my brother had made me a training regime. But then I had no money and the depression deepened suddenly, and I found it hard to go outside anymore. Now I try to jog and do some moves without lifts a few times a week. This only because it's necessary, I get horrible pains in my leg if I don't jog at least that much. Right now my life situation is such that finding time for exercise is difficult, but it's going to get easier because school is out in a week.

I try to eat as healthy as possible. When I was little, I was really picky over what I ate, which was mostly noodles. A few years after I started to change my eating habits (not something that can happen overnight, and I had to wheedle my mother into eating healthier as well) I went to doctor because of stomach pains and got diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome. It's one reason I try to eat healthy as well. If I eat bread or use flour in my cooking/baking, it's wholegrain or rye. I invest in proteins and getting most of the fiber from vegetables. The biggest problem for me has been cutting off the chocolate. I ******* love chocolate. At nights I sometimes get eating binges and the next morning I feel bloated and guilty. Just one more thing to work on.

And yea, not everything works for everyone. I think the therapy will help, because I've always locked my feelings up, even the worst things. If I hadn't went to get help, I probably never would have told my friends about a few things that happened last year, but now I'm glad I told them. I have been able to be a bit more open with them, without having to pretend that everything is fine and dandy.

But the exercise bit is definitely something that will help, I know that. Today I have nothing else to do but school stuff, so I'll go for an hour long jog or biking or whatever floats the boat.
#199 to #196 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Though right now the anxiety and depression have gotten a little better, because for a few months I literally stayed in bed without the will to live. I know things will get better. Not everyone does.
User avatar #172 to #120 - paintplayer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
It's not supposed to be easy, fool. No one who has any true, measurable success came by it easily. People who are ripped to **** are in the gym every day pushing themselves further, restricting their diet to standards you couldn't even imagine and living every second of their life toward that goal. MMA fighters train 8-12 hours a day to hone their skills. Scholars spend years of their lives in intense study to further their knowledge and provide a service to society. If success was easy, everyone would be successful. What's respectable about someone who is successful is that the reason they found success is they put in hours upon days upon years of extremely hard work to get there. The reason you can't achieve your goals is because you think you can't. When you start believing you can and start understanding what it really takes to get what you want, and commit to that journey which may last years and bring you a lot of pain and sacrifice in the process, when you start wanting success more than you want food or sleep or comfort, then you will be successful.
#187 to #172 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
The problem with mental illnesses is that you can't just up and decide that you want to be the president or some such ****. Like you said, you gotta work for it. But for most it's not just that easy to go and get help. It's not like anyone wants to be a miserable loser. Not everyone have the strength themselves or someone pushing them to get help. What I meant exactly is that just because you think you have nothing to live for anymore, doesn't suddenly make you want to go out with a bang and try different things. It's just not that straightforward.
User avatar #208 to #187 - paintplayer
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
What is preventing them from seeking help? Even someone with the most severe anxiety could say "mom/teacher/counselor, I'm feeling depressed" then puke and move on.
#307 to #208 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
I don't know why it's so difficult to ask for help. I, for one, have always had to take care of myself, so perhaps that's one factor. Sometimes it's just hard to even hope that it gets better, so that might be another. Who knows. A mind is a complicated thing.
User avatar #311 to #307 - paintplayer
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
Well here's news: it's difficult for everyone to ask for help, not just you folks with something or other wrong mentally. At some point it comes down to sucking it up and going for it, because otherwise you're just going to keep talking yourself out of improving your life because it's "too difficult" and "might not work."
#315 to #311 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/25/2013) [-]
What the hell? What do you mean "just you folks with something or other wrong mentally"? You're talking like mental illnesses are some kind of disease and we're out of our mind. Dude, next time think what you write. I never meant that it's somehow less difficult to ask help if you're not diagnosed/don't have any "mental illness". I wrote what is my experience. Here's the news: just because you can hide behind the monitor, doesn't mean you have to be an asshole.
User avatar #316 to #315 - paintplayer
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/25/2013) [-]
Mental illness is a disease, that's why it's called an illness. And as an illness it needs to be treated. People with cancer aggressively treat their issue, why should people with mental disorders do any different? If you're not seeking treatment you're ignoring the problem, and it becomes your own fault.
#318 to #316 - vaginismus
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/25/2013) [-]
I know it's a disease, but the way you said it rubs me the wrong way. And as a disease, it really can't be compared to ******* cancer - mental illnesses are possible to win without medicine. As for me, I've already gone to doctor for help, months ago. It seems that you don't have any concrete experience dealing with any kind of severe mental illness, so you really shouldn't be here shouting stupid **** to anyone about anything. Twat.
User avatar #319 to #318 - paintplayer
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
The fact that you're offended does not constitute a situation for me. Some diseases are treated with medicine, some require therapy, physical or mental, or other forms of treatment. Just because you're too weak to deal with your problems doesn't mean that everyone who has a mental issue should give up like you have.
#320 to #319 - vaginismus
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
What the hell are you talking about? Mental and physical diseases are in no way comparable, so don't even try to make sense of the ******** you spouted. And exactly how did you come to the conclusion that I've given up? Can you read?
User avatar #324 to #320 - paintplayer
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
Keep your italics to your self, drama queen. They're absolutely comparable. Medical conditions needing treatment. This is the same problem we have with homosexuality, people trying to "accommodate their differences" rather than look for a cure. Here's my stand on depression: either seek help or stop beating around the bush and just kill yourself already.
#326 to #324 - vaginismus
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(05/26/2013) [-]
Okay, so you obviously can't read, because I just said a few comments previous that I've seeked help. Also, keep your homophobic statements to yourself, please.

Even though mind illnesses have a lot to do with brain chemistry, it's still not comparable to physical diseases. Medication is only a helping factor, not the treatment. For god's sake, kindly shut up and research this stuff because you obviously know nothing. This discussion is unnecessary and over.
#66 to #4 - anon id: 0fb9939c
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Vermont just legalized assisted suicide.
#213 to #4 - stijnverheye
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
**** i am pathetic , i realise i do this too and fantasize of things i could do like in other worlds    
   
:c
**** i am pathetic , i realise i do this too and fantasize of things i could do like in other worlds

:c
#274 to #213 - anon id: 3ed533b1
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
You're not pathetic. If you call yourself pathetic, you will be pathetic. You're ability is likely much greater than you give yourself credit for.
#271 to #4 - anon id: 3ed533b1
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Can you share more? I for one want to hear your story. And I know life can seem relentless but if you keep going and move towards a goal, you can be happy. Even if you're sick or you can't walk. You can still do something you love. Never ******* give up. I know right now you probably have given up. But you're still here and that means there is still hope.

I don't know you, mogierk, but I care about you. I've been in a position where I felt like rolling over and just dying but I didn't. I just kept going and eventually, I started doing things that made me feel better. I'm still a bit depressed, but I enjoy things now and I know I'll be happy once I get where I want to be in life. You can do it too, man.

NEVER GIVE UP.
#72 to #4 - irokk
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
This is EXACTLY why im in the Video game industry.    
   
Sure life sucks, but for that few short hours, where you're surviving a zombie apocalypse, or youre fighting a dragon, you shut out all outside worries. And it's the best feeling ever. I want to give people the opportunity to be able to have that feeling
This is EXACTLY why im in the Video game industry.

Sure life sucks, but for that few short hours, where you're surviving a zombie apocalypse, or youre fighting a dragon, you shut out all outside worries. And it's the best feeling ever. I want to give people the opportunity to be able to have that feeling
#273 to #4 - ShamanMaster
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(05/22/2013) [-]
That got me man...
#281 to #273 - anon id: 3ed533b1
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This picture man... Hit the nail on the head.
#115 - spooooon
Reply +21 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I don't believe in killing myself but I was at a point where I would be fine if I was shot by someone or run over.
I don't believe in killing myself but I was at a point where I would be fine if I was shot by someone or run over.
User avatar #248 to #115 - ompalomper
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(05/22/2013) [-]
every time i cross a road i realize that i really wouldn't mind getting run over and killed
#256 to #115 - anon id: ffd256ec
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(05/22/2013) [-]
that's life bro
#270 to #115 - anon id: 66587747
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(05/22/2013) [-]
you are not alone my friend, you are not alone.
#129 to #115 - vaginismus
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I sometimes wish I got some horrible terminal illness. Or died in some horrible accident.
#17 - vaginismus
Reply +17 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I really would've offed myself a long time ago, if it wasn't for my mother. She doesn't deserve to lose another kid to a suicide (my big brother hanged himself three years ago). I never went to get help for my depression, until lately it got so bad that I started having violent thoughts about almost everyone, constant paranoia and anxiety, and the most serious depression I've ever dealt with. As I decided that I wouldn't kill myself, little by little I think I'm going to get better, even though I still think about suicide and hurting myself everyday. It helped that I finally talked to a few friends about what I'm going through, and also about a few bad incidents that happened last year that have been a big push toward the depression. I'm starting my meds soon, and have a professional talk treatment (not quite therapy, but close). Today has been really rough, emotionally. This post really lifted my spirits.

mogierk posted a pic (4chan?) of someone telling they play video games to feel something. I usually read or watch movies, so I can lose myself in the fantasy world and just not think about anything real.

Guys, be thankful for what you have. Some people have even less, and they're still up and kicking.
#275 to #17 - anon id: 3ed533b1
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(05/22/2013) [-]
In the same boat as you but I had that experience years ago. Sounds really ******* pathetic but I used to get overwhelmed by everything and ended every day by breaking down and crying. I felt so ******* horrible and I just wanted someone to kill me. I'm getting better though. You can too, bro.
#308 to #275 - vaginismus
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(05/23/2013) [-]
Perhaps it does sound pathetic, but I can totally relate. I have those days more often than not.
#20 to #17 - greenvgjunkie
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(05/22/2013) [-]
i do not know you, but this is a complete mirror image of my life over the past 3 years. Everything you said except for getting help. I have this weird thought that if i can get through this without medication its going to make me stronger. Guess im just stubborn
#23 to #20 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I had the same thought, and have always been against medication. The last six months have been so tough though, that I desperately wanted to feel at least something. I also played with the idea of overdosing. Because I still haven't gotten my prescription, right now I'm testing an alternative "medication" (5-HTP, google it). It hasn't started working yet so I'm getting kind of desperate.

And I strongly recommend getting help, no I don't recommend medication, but help. Talk to someone. There is a reason we feel this way, and talking is really a good way to work through those reasons and things that have made us this way. Even though some of it might be genetic (for example my brother, my mother also had depression). I was stubborn like that for a long time, and every time I got depressed, it was worse than the last time. I might even have bipolarity but we couldn't confirm it yet.

What I'm trying to say is, you don't have to get through it alone. Even if you feel like you are strong enough for it, some day the day could come when you snap and can't take it anymore, and that won't be pretty.
#44 to #17 - satrenkotheone
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Sorry to hear what have happened to you.

I've been suffering through depression for years now and, well, finally getting help now.

It's not much of an answer, just opening up to another person.
#46 to #44 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Glad you're getting help. And yeah it's nice that we can open up to each other and understand even while people generally act like assholes in the internet.
#47 to #46 - satrenkotheone
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I know right? I'm rather unstable and end up contradicting myself and hurting others and stuff like that.

Now, let me tell you a little something... well about myself. I am 18, live in a foster home, they're good folk but materialism doesn't mend emotional wounds, I grew up mostly alone, my father left me, my mother is rather... self centred and I'm just... emotionally unstable. It's a bit sad or pathetic when I think of it. But eh, I'm moving soon.(hopefully)
#49 to #47 - vaginismus
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
You'll get through it, I'm sure of it. It's not pathetic. This kind of **** happens and we don't have much other choice than try to live on. I've seen my father a few times, and I've mostly built my opinions on him by the things my mother has told me.

One of the things I hate the most is alcohol. It made my mother and ex-boyfriend hit me (on multiple occasions) and people make bad decisions on it. It's also a depressant... If I wasn't on drug screening, I'd more than gladly take E or smoke a joint, rather than drink. If I got caught though, I would be sent off to drug clinic... Though now that I'm talking about abusing drugs, let me recommend Lyrica for all that suffer from anxiety, or just want to feel good. Definitely the best medicine/drug I've ever seen. No side effects, just good mood and kicks you into action.

Uhuh, I apologize for my novel length comments...
#68 to #49 - sxxxxxxx
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Lyrica is for depression? lol Maybe that's why I'm so awesome.
#81 to #68 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Not for depression, it's for anxiety. Two totally different things.
#50 to #49 - satrenkotheone
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Meh. Moving, becoming someone else and so on.

Drugs? Where did that come from? Lyrica? Where do I get that? I live in Norway so...
#55 to #50 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I dunno, lol. It seems drugs and alcohol are really, how do you say it, fundamental in the lives of my closest ones, and it used to be so for me too. Lyrica is mostly used for pain, epilepsy and anxiety. I don't know about Norway because it doesn't belong in the EU, but here you can get a prescription (I get it from friend). Also ofc some people get some kind of side effects, but I haven't heard many of those.
User avatar #57 to #55 - satrenkotheone
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Eh, I'll probably stay out of it.

No idea what my family is doing. All I know is my mum requested me to give her 20k NOK because she wanted to move away from her current husband and have a divorce.
#58 to #57 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
What... Just what? Your mom asked you for 20K? That's... definitely not normal. Not to give you advice, but perhaps it's better to stay far away from them.
#59 to #58 - satrenkotheone
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Not 20k€ but still a lot of ******* money.

And yeah, moving to England.
#90 to #59 - tazze
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
ALL THIS THREAD IS HERESY
User avatar #22 to #17 - itislethal
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I know how you feel. I actually met a girl online who kept me alive. I went through the worst depression of my life last year and she was there every day. I owe everything to her.
#24 to #22 - vaginismus
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
That's really great, I'm glad you met her and that you're still alive. It really makes me hopeful when people who don't even know each other, are ready to help and care.
User avatar #25 to #24 - itislethal
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Just get better man. I still need therapy but can't afford it.
#26 to #25 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Thanks. Here in Finland we have something called the Youth Crisis Center, where you can go anonymous to talk about anything, for free. Perhaps you have something similar nearby? They were not therapists, but still real people to talk to about anything, and the few times I visited, I left feeling not so alone. I hope everything works out for you.
User avatar #30 to #17 - inomonym
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(05/22/2013) [-]
First off, I'm sorry about your loss. I definitely know where you're at. My brother died in a fire last year and it was horrific. It's really weird losing someone who was a part of your entire childhood, your entire life.
I've yet to seek therapy. I know I should because well... seeing him after the blaze when he was in the hospital was a tad ****** up to say the least. What's helped me most is staying close to family and everyone I care about. Kind of makes you realize how short life is. How little time we have to accomplish so much.
Hang in there friend.
#32 to #30 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss too. In my case, the most terrible thing was perhaps the thought that perhaps I could've done something to help him. Anything. We also had a big age difference, so I really got to know him only in the recent years before his death, and it kind of felt that things were left unfinished between us. I wanted to see his body, but they said it looked so bad they didn't let us. Thinking now, perhaps that was wise. I wouldn't have wanted to remember him like that.

Be glad that you have the rest of your family with you. I think, that while these things would have been better not happening, we will be stronger in the end. I wish you strength, sis.
User avatar #34 to #32 - inomonym
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I think the worst part in my case was similar only in that he and I didn't talk for the last two years of his life, if not a little more. We got into a really bad stage of arguing, and we stopped talking. It was slowly getting better, but even still I couldn't remember our last actual conversation if I tried. It would have gotten better though, we talked a bit that last Christmas.
And we're supposed to go to the hospital he died in (he was there for about a month in a coma before he passed) to see the pictures of him before he got to their burn unit. My sister and I never saw how badly burned he was, but I don't think I could even step into that building let alone see those photos.

And I wish you the best also. Family is really all anyone has, whether it's through blood or family of friends. Everyone's gotta stick together.
#35 to #34 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I don't think it would be wise to see those photos, but you will do whatever you feel is best. These kind of things really do make one think how fast and suddenly you can lose someone close to you...
User avatar #36 to #35 - inomonym
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Oh lord no. My little sister wants to see though. Which will only end horribly. Working on talking her out of it.
I've learned a lot from the experience of losing someone, though I definitely wish I could at least get a last hug. Last goodbye. Something.
#37 to #36 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Don't we all. I almost wish I believed in heaven or the other side or some such, so that I could comfort myself thinking I will hug him when I die.
User avatar #39 to #37 - inomonym
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Yeah, religious belief would definitely help. I'm more spiritual... I feel him about. My dad's seen him. Holding my mom while she slept actually. He woke up and saw him holding her and then he faded away. When he asked my mom how she slept, she said "Good, until 5AM", which was when he got up.
#41 to #39 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Holy ****. Me and my mom have had the same kind of experiences, though at one point it didn't really help because I started getting paranoid. I think after I screamed at him to go away he left us alone for a little while. But I think he's in a better place, wherever that might be, and he still comes once in a while to see us.
#103 to #17 - localcatbarber
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I just have to say I recognized a lot of your symphtoms, and meds have changed my life. It might not sound good that I'm dependent on drugs, but just a few months since I was so depressed I isolated my self 19 hours a day and was hardly able to go to school, I am now able to function in life, and I am actually able to look forward to things again.
#107 to #103 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I hope the same happens to me, even though I don't want to be dependant on drugs and am afraid of all the side effects and finally the withdrawal (I don't want to take SSRI for the rest of my life, hopefully don't have to...) Guess I still have to try. You at least gave me hope that I might be able to function normally again some day.

Funny, I was watching cat videos when you commented.
#282 to #107 - anon id: 3ed533b1
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(05/22/2013) [-]
The chances of you getting serious side effects while following your doctors orders is really ******* small. Don't ever stop cold turkey, though. The withdrawal will make you feel ******* terrible and will most likely result in extreme aggression.
User avatar #114 to #107 - localcatbarber
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I only had side effects for the first week or so, and even then it was just some nausea. When it started working and I had a chat with my psyciatrist and he was talking about how important it was that I didn't stop taking the medicines (I had been suicidal before) and he started talking about how maybe in the future when I had setteled down in my life I might be able to stop taking it, I freaked out a bit. I too was worried about being so dependent on meds. However, I have come to realize that this is an illness that simply has to be treated like any other illness, and as long as I'm healthy, it doesn't really matter if I'm taking some pills.
#117 to #114 - vaginismus
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You're right. I also had a bit of a nervous breakdown when I realized I really would have to take the meds. I'm slowly starting to accept it as just my lot in life, and I shouldn't really be complaining when there is actually working treatments for us "lunatics", heh.
User avatar #126 to #117 - localcatbarber
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Absolutely. And remember, it might not work at first try. I have used different medicines that didn't work for me before I found the one that did. Just be patient and remember that it will definetly get better, even if it takes a while.
#108 to #107 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
*possible side effects
#154 - mrbang
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I create my own unhappiness.. Thinking i'm better off alone, but deep inside. I just want to be wanted
I create my own unhappiness.. Thinking i'm better off alone, but deep inside. I just want to be wanted
#202 to #154 - anon id: 17e05d37
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Oh jesus christ that was ******* deep....them feels, man...
#229 to #154 - UlquiGrimmHime
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I WILL EAT YOUR UNHAPPINESS
User avatar #236 to #154 - shonapope
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I know that feel, never really bothered to put it into words, but it does make sense that way. I don't want other people to feel like that though..
I will find you, and I will hug the **** out of you.
#265 to #154 - obscurethemislead
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I too know that feel...
I too know that feel...
#174 to #154 - newfieninja
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
dude that hit me so hard, you have no idea...
#60 - vandettamask
Reply +15 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Am I the only happy person on this site?





That's Moonmoon btw..
#70 to #60 - luckyshotdk
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(05/22/2013) [-]
I am happy too at the moment... had some suicidal thoughts when my littlebrother died, but got over them.   
   
   
gif unrelated
I am happy too at the moment... had some suicidal thoughts when my littlebrother died, but got over them.


gif unrelated
#82 to #60 - romneykun
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Sometimes I'm not happy, but I always press on. I know it can always get better.
User avatar #118 to #60 - theturkeyburger
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Life is derp, I'm one happy ************
#239 to #60 - anon id: a1879525
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I take antidepressants, and thanks to them, I'm a happy ************

also, college has helped mellow me out
note: I know how that last sentence sounds, but I don't do drugs. I don't even freaking drink.
#62 to #60 - retardedtriforce
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I've never had a suicidal thought because I love life. It's easier to love life if you just accept what crazy new thing is going on nowadays and go on with life.
I've never had a suicidal thought because I love life. It's easier to love life if you just accept what crazy new thing is going on nowadays and go on with life.
User avatar #63 to #62 - vandettamask
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Good for you!!
User avatar #116 - propanex
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Thanks, I knew I was suppose to do something today.
#145 to #116 - broorb
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
^ this really made me laugh
#99 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
My girlfriend was suicidal at one point, we had been dating about three weeks and she tried to jump off the hotel roof near my house.    
   
She called me, crying, and trying to explain what was going on, after about 45 minutes I talked her out of it and came to pick her up. We hugged for the rest of that night and she wouldn't let go.   
   
I am very proud to say, she's my wife of three years and we have a beautiful child.    
I love life, If anyone is suicidal, please, talk to me, I can try to help, all you need is a good friend, I love you all
My girlfriend was suicidal at one point, we had been dating about three weeks and she tried to jump off the hotel roof near my house.

She called me, crying, and trying to explain what was going on, after about 45 minutes I talked her out of it and came to pick her up. We hugged for the rest of that night and she wouldn't let go.

I am very proud to say, she's my wife of three years and we have a beautiful child.
I love life, If anyone is suicidal, please, talk to me, I can try to help, all you need is a good friend, I love you all
#125 to #99 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Wow. That was a beautiful story.

Giving strength to strangers is really commendable. It's really tough helping people with mental illnesses.
#142 to #125 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I deal with my grandmother, nothing can be worse than her, and it's not an illness to me, it's more of a confidence problem, illnesses are hard to cure if not impossible, but I strongly believe in helping anyone you can, My life and health is nothing in comparison to the many others I can help and save.    
   
I am more than willing to sacrifice myself for anyone, tall, short, old, young, gay, straight, black, white, strong or weak, if I can make a difference with my life, I will die a very happy man   
   
-Also, I love you, bro
I deal with my grandmother, nothing can be worse than her, and it's not an illness to me, it's more of a confidence problem, illnesses are hard to cure if not impossible, but I strongly believe in helping anyone you can, My life and health is nothing in comparison to the many others I can help and save.

I am more than willing to sacrifice myself for anyone, tall, short, old, young, gay, straight, black, white, strong or weak, if I can make a difference with my life, I will die a very happy man

-Also, I love you, bro
#150 to #142 - vaginismus
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Mental illness or not, everyone has problems and everyone needs someone to help them, even just listening helps.

Love you too! Here have a kitty
#171 to #150 - topheavymonkeyy
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Do you need someone to listen to you?
Do you need someone to listen to you?
#176 to #171 - vaginismus
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Not at this moment, but thank you for offering!
Not at this moment, but thank you for offering!
User avatar #200 to #176 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Add me if you want to.
I'll be back tomorrow
User avatar #181 to #176 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
No problem, anytime.
Also, if you were try to do that to me, it would look kind of like that since I'm 6"6' and built.

If you ever need anyone to talk to, feel free to add me or find me
#305 to #181 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
Haha, it totally would. I'm only 5'5'' and silm.

And thank you, I really appreciate your offer.
User avatar #306 to #305 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
It's perfectly fine, the offer is still open.

Love you
#310 to #305 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/23/2013) [-]
No wait I think I'm just 5 foot. I can't math

(154cm)
User avatar #159 to #150 - topheavymonkeyy
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I am willing to help as much as I can
But I think you missed my point, I was saying, I am willing to try my hardest to fix that problem, and I hate to call it an illness, it seems a little bit of a dark word (depressive) and I wish to think I CAN make a difference
#180 to #159 - vaginismus
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
Ah, well "mental illness" sure does have it's stigma, but for me it's just a fact. And I didn't mean that just because someone is going through a rough time, that they have a mental illness. And you can make a difference.
#13 - anon id: 2d310e8c
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Suicide is not the answer.

Today I heard of a boy, who is nearly dead. And all he wishes is more time on this earth.

And other people just throw their time away. Like its not worth a bit.

I don't know what you think. But I'd say, thats very selfish.
#14 to #13 - anon id: 65632fd6
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(05/22/2013) [-]
Hey there fellow N. Korean citizen, allow me to share my opinion. Or at least try to.
Well, first off: Who does life belong to? Would you say that your life belongs to those surrounding you? At a time, I thought so, but it isn't, really. Life is only owned by the one living it, and therefore theirs to do with as they please. For some people, life really isn't worth anything- myself included. I live for my love, but I hold no value to life itself. I'd happily leave any day, and I don't expect anyone to do anything else.
Suicide attempts, failed or not, make others sad of course- but it's your right as a living, thinking individual to choose for yourself whether or not life holds enough value to keep it. Some people suffer and want to die, others suffer and want to live. Some people again don't seem to suffer much, and still they either want to live or die... And I myself find that perfectly O.K.
I'd rather live alone than with people who don't want to live, and simply do it for me.
User avatar #71 to #13 - qazsa
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
I disagree to your first statement "suicide is not the answer" because if the question is"what's it called when you kill yourself" suicide would be the right answer.

Christians 0
Atheists 0
staying alive -1
suicide 23
User avatar #21 to #13 - itislethal
Reply +9 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
It's kind of selfish to force someone who doesn't want to live anymore to stay alive for your own satisfaction.
#206 - fuckitdude
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
User avatar #1 - dabronydude
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(05/22/2013) [-]
that...that is really quite nice...