Just some tweets. Tweet Tweet comp, comp is OC but the tweets are not. Obviously.. Tweets! If you see me mumbling under my breath, it' s probably "re, mad about
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Just some tweets

Tweet Tweet comp, comp is OC but the tweets are not. Obviously.

If you see me mumbling under my
breath, it' s probably "re, mad about
how the dinosaurs never even had
a warning.
Her: How did you mm your knee?
Me: Won' t say dancing* I was in a
karate fight.. to the death.
Her: So, dancing, huh?
A policeman just knocked on my
door and said my dogs were
chasing people on bikes...
My dogs don' t even own bikes..
I may be Canadian, but ll) still tell
you off. I don' t give a **** .
Just kidding.
I' m calling about your very
descriptive ad were you included rt
pictures and asked a fair price. I
got like, Ar, unrelated questions..
i' iill an
I don' t think I could masturbate to
midget porn.
But I' ll give it a try anyway.
Her: Last name, Sir?
Me: Batman.
Her: And, your first name is...?
Me: The.
Doctor asked if I wanted regular
glasses or bifocals. Dont care
about their sexual orientation, I just
want to see better. Quit being
A butterfly the size of a giraffe
would be beautiful.. and truly
terrifying. Don' t bother with that
one thanks nature
Views: 27097
Favorited: 74
Submitted: 05/09/2013
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User avatar #1 - avatarstate (05/09/2013) [+] (4 replies)
"I may be Canadian, but what the **** did you just ******* say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the **** out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my ******* words. You think you can get away with saying that **** to me over the Internet? Think again, ****** . As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're ******* dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little **** . If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your ******* tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will **** fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're ******* dead, kiddo.
Just kidding...

User avatar #5 to #1 - goodguygary (05/09/2013) [-]
"I may be Canadian"
"I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces"
did you even ATTEMPT to change it?
#2 - iamtheblackgoat (05/09/2013) [+] (3 replies)
So I'm not crazy, right? That's a girl about to schlick it to midget porn?
#8 - Womens Study Major (05/09/2013) [+] (2 replies)
imagine a giraffe the size of a butterfly. That would be ******* adorable
#15 - zorororonoa (05/10/2013) [-]
That batman one was terrible. The others were funny though
User avatar #13 - demandsgayversion (05/10/2013) [-]
Middle name: goddamn
User avatar #12 - socketization (05/10/2013) [-]
That first one caught me by surprise.
#6 - alderus has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #21 - iliketires (05/10/2013) [-]
And not even one tweet from Rob Delaney? He's the funniest ************ on Twitter.
#14 - lazragoon (05/10/2013) [-]
I'm getting glasses soon, I should use this.
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