Simon. Found on the internet! thought id share. Front: Simon Dempsey Date: Monday 13 February 3. 1 1 am To: David Thorne Subject: Did you we my desk while I wae
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Simon

Found on the internet! thought id share

Front: Simon Dempsey
Date: Monday 13 February 3. 1 1 am
To: David Thorne
Subject:
Did you we my desk while I wae away? Youre not allowed to go on my
computer. I can tell aomeone used it because I shut it down before I left
and pulled out the power cord but it wae on this morning and where is
my mousepad and what is this **** drawn on my desk?
I need to collect everyones time sheets for last week as well. Have you
done them?
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 February 9.
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re:
Good morning Simon,
No, I have decided not to do anymore. I' m not a robot. As
your new token responsibility as collector is essentially the
office equivalent of placing an OCD child in charge of equally spaced
distribution to keep it occupied while The View is on, this
eevee you from having to bother with the whole embarrassing procede.
Also, while I generally avoid going anywhere near your cubicle of
Morrow, lest the lack of atmosphere suck me in and cakee my eyes to
pop out like in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where he is on Mars
and his eyes pop out, I wae required to accede your computer in your
absence due to a clients request for tiles.
I actually missed you while you were away. To counter this, I placed a
plank of wood in your chair and wrote Simon' on it. He said I could we
your stuff.
Regards, David.
Front: Simon Dempsey
Date: Monday 13 February 10.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re:
NOT ALARMED TC) USE MY COMPUTER. What client needed a file
off my computer? ‘faure not allowed to put things on the walle in the
foyer either. l leaves holes. l wae a waste of time anyway because I
took it straight down. Some of w have work to do you know.
And you don‘ t just get to chloee if you do your time sheets or not .
Youre not special. Its the rules and accounts need them to bill the client
properly. I' been here longer than you and I put my time sheets in every
week. Everyone has to do them.
1 . NOT ALLOWED NOT TOUCH MY COMPUTER
2. DO NOT USE MY STUFF
3. YOU HAVE TC) DO YOUR TIMESHARES. EVERYONE DOES.
Ibook a photo of my desk and am going to email it to Jennifer. ls it
permanent marker? And where are my pens dickhead?
Front: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 February 11 .
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re:
Dear Simon,
I understand that following a set of rules eevee you from having to make
decisions but, as you are well aware, all branding services provided by
this company are charged at a fixed quote and price. As such, time spent
doing might be better spent questioning the logic of requiring
to calculate a fee that has already been agreed upon. Or
cleaning your desk.
I once read about five monkeys that were placed in a room with a banana
at the top of a set of stairs. As one monkey attempted to climb the stairs,
all of the monkeys were sprayed with jets of cold water. A recond
monkey made an attempt and again the monkeys were sprayed. No more
monkeys attempted to climb the stairs. One of the monkeys wae then
removed from the room and replaced with a new monkey. New monkey
eaw the banana and started to climb the stairs but to its surprise, it wae
attacked by the other monkeys. Another of the original monkeys wae
replaced and the newcomer wae also attacked when he attempted to
climb the stairs. The previous newcomer took part in the punishment with
enthusiasm. Replacing a third original monkey with a new one, it headed
for the stairs and wae attacked as well. Half of the monkeys that
attacked him had no idea why. After replacing the fourth and fifth original
monkeys, none had ever been sprayed with cold water but all stayed the
**** away from the stairs.
Being here longer than me doden‘ t automatically make your adherence to
a rule, or the rule itself, right. l makes you the fifth replacement monkey.
The one with the weird red arse and the first to point and screech when
anyone approaches the stairs. I would be the sixth monkey, at home in
bed trying to come up with a viable e: -:cwe not to spend another fruitless
day locked in a room with five neurotic monkeys.
Regardless, you will be pleased to learn that due to your absence last
week leaving me with a spare hour per day, which is usually dedicated
to staring at the back of your head with one eye cloced doing that thing
with your thumb and finger where you squash it, I did do my .
Please find attached.
Regards, David.
Sam
Arrived at work. Concidered staying home in bed but, with Simon being
away this week, there is no real reason to be absent. Checked
production schedule. Completed my work for the week.
ppm
Cleaned my molee.
ppm
Left for the day.
TUESDAY
loam
Arrived at work. Answered the phone on Simon‘ e desk with "Hello, this is
Simon Dempsey speaking. How may I be of help to you?" Told client I
would have a pdf to them "as quick as a cheetah."
Accessed Simon‘ e computer using his secret password 'Archmage' in
order to locate and send requested pdf to client. Sent. Read Simon‘ e
emails. Replied to his mother regarding her question about what to get
Auntie Maureen for her birthday. Recommended jumping castle.
Attempted to log into Simon‘ e Facebook. Clicked 'send me my password'.
Checked Simon‘ e email. Logged into Simon‘ e Facebook.
Changed status to single. Sent Karen a meesage saying "Ignore the
status change. We havent broken up. Ijust don‘ t want anyone to know I
have a girlfriend."
Looked at pictures Simon uploaded of himself in a boat. Doomed the
namee of the two guye in Miami Vice. Tagged Simon‘ e nipples Sony' and
Chubbo'.
ppm
Left for the day.
Arrived at work. Read about Emperor penguins on 1/ Ikipedia while having
my morning coffee at Simon‘ e desk. Drew pictures of penguins.
Realiced the permanent Sharpie I wae drawing with had penetrated the
paper and Simon‘ e desk now had eighteen penguins saying 'Hey' on it.
Hunting for something to clean it with, I used the key Simon hides behind
the framed photo of his cat Lady Diana to unlock his top drawer. Found
Star Ware Lego. Recreated the scene from the movie where, during a
duel, Vader cuts off Luke' s right hand, reveald that he is his
father, and entreaty him to convert to the dark side w they can rule the
galaxy as father and eon. met Luke' s hand behind Simon‘ e desk.
Chafed and killed a bee in the office with Simon‘ e mousepad rolled into a
tube while making noises. Chosed Simon‘ e window.
Thought about the bee' s family waiting expectantly at home for his return.
Gave them namee. Imagined Bradley rushing into his mother‘ e
outstretched arms, bewailing, "l miss him w much" and Brenda replying,
l know Bradley, I miss him too.“
Performed ceremony. There wae cake. Constructed a small funereal pyre
on Simon‘ e desk out of a paperclip, placed Ben' s small lifeless body on
top, mentioned his selfless determination to provide for his family, and set
it alight.
Unfortunately, I wae only into the first vereh of Bohemian Rhapsody, the
only church aong I know, when Ben' s body popped like a corn kernel and
flew behind the desk. Unsure if he wae still alight, I poured coffee down
after him. Realising nobody has ever been behind the desk due to its size
and position against a rear wall, I also dropped the remains of the cake
and the plate down the back to save me having to walk into the kitchen.
Accidently knocked Simon‘ e pencils down there as well. And then his
mousepad.
ppm
Left for the day.
THURSDAY
Arrived at work.
ppm
Sat in Simon‘ e chair without my pande on.
ppm
Left for the day.
FRIDAY
Called in sick. Went shopping. Bought a Keurig.
Front: Simon Dempsey
Date: Monday 13 February 11 .
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:
Thanks for the evidence dickhead. I emailed that to Jennifer and i
changed my password. I am making a formal complaint. Stay off my
computer or I will punch you in the throat. I am serious. Are you going to
get my stuff out from behind the desk?
...
+121
Views: 8842
Favorited: 35
Submitted: 04/10/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #2 - darkfuzion (04/10/2013) [-]
Freaking David.
#11 - 4chan refugee (04/11/2013) [-]
So... David's a tool who's probably been fired by now, and Simon got pissed at him for being a tool... Makes sense to me.

I don't get the funny.
User avatar #10 - viscerys (04/11/2013) [-]
In case anyone's wondering, here's the site that's from. It's hilarious.
www.27bslash6.com/
#1 - babyweewee (04/10/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Comment Picture
#5 to #4 - babyweewee (04/10/2013) [-]
Yes it is indeed
Yes it is indeed
#12 - skelejockey (04/11/2013) [-]
Simon sounds like an enormousness dickhead, probably lives to try and please faggots like OP.
#9 - hairyjonson (04/11/2013) [-]
**hairyjonson rolled a random image posted in comment #19994 at Religion Board **
User avatar #7 - bitchplzzz (04/10/2013) [+] (2 replies)
God damn I hate those autistic ******* that hate lending stuff
User avatar #8 to #7 - pandation ONLINE (04/10/2013) [-]
I don't mind lending **** but if you need to borrow something of mine, you should have your own
#3 - catloverforlife (04/10/2013) [-]
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