Funny jokes Part 2
A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen
organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line.
You must be single." the clerk says.
Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?".
Because you' re ugly".
Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is lying in bed reading. Man says, "This is the pig I
have sex with when you' got a headache." Wife replies, “I think you' ll find that is a sheep." Man replies, “I think you' ll
find I was talking to the sheep."
A woman successfully gives birth after several hours of labor. The doctor takes the baby and leaves the room to
perform some tests. Several minutes later, the doctor returns with the baby in his arms and then suddenly begins to
punch it, kick it, throw it about the room and slam it against an adjacent wall. The woman screams, “DH MY GOD WHAT
ARE YOU DJING TO MY BABY?!" To which the doctor replies, "April Fool' s! ft was already dead!"
A little boy wakes up in the middle of the night and walks into his parents room and sees them having sex. The little
boy, traumatized, runs out of the room crying. "You should go check on him, thats really going to be something you
need to explain,“ said the mother. The father laughed it off with a traditional "he will get over it," and continued to
chuckle about the whole situation.
After some additional prodding from the mother the father agrees to go talk to the little boy. iss he is walking down the
hallway to his sons room he hears an empty thumping sound coming from his sons room. Thump - Thump - squish -
Thump- Thump The father, very confused, slams the door open and sees his son balls deep, pounding the shit out of
his grandmothers asshole. Just really going to town on it.
The father screams "What the hell are you doing?" The boy replies, "res not so funny when its your mom, is it?"
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian says, Tuck off, you won' t bring it back."
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed. How could anyone stoop so low?
A black man takes a girl home from a nightclub. She says “Show me it' s true what they say about black men". So he
stabs her & nicks her purse.
A black student is dropped off by the bus to his waiting father after middle school. He tells his dad that while he and his
gym classmates were showering he noticed that his dick was alot bigger than the rest of the boys. He asks is it
because he is black. The father replied “No, it' s because your are 19.
A smoking hot girl walks into a bar. A guy at the bar says, "Wow, you' re gonna get laid tonight!“ She replies, "Hehe,
how do you know?“ And he replies, “Because I' m stronger than you.“
I' m going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and
nipple tassels. I' ll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I' m going to fuck the
goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing my head off. After
getting the money, I' ll take a shit on the motor and piss everywhere. I then will escape in a van shaped like a giant pink
Let' s see America' s most wanted fucking stage a reconstruction of that.
A mother was getting out of the shower when her young son walked in. He pointed at the area between her legs and
said, “Mommy, what' s that?" Embarrassed, she replied, “That' s where the Indian hit me with his tomahawk.“ The young
boy replied, "Wow, right in the cunt?!'?"
My wife being unhappy with my mood swings brought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We
discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark
on her forehead
There once was a man in a happy marriage, save for one aspect - his member was so sizable he could not fully insert
himself into his wife without causing her pain. Cine night, this frustration boiled over, and he headed out to find a
bordello - surely, if he was to find a woman to accommodate his size, it would be there.
iss he walks into the parlor, he eyes a man behind the counter and tells him his troubles. The man says, "Well, that' s a
pickle, but I' m Harold, the janitor. You want to speak with Helga, the Headmistress,“ pointing to the side.
He walks over to her and repeats the story. Money exchanges hands, and he' s directed down the hall, first room on the
He' s never actually been with a prostitute before, so some awkward conversation precludes intercourse. In the act, he
manages to get a third of the way in before she starts yelping in pain. He pulls out, apologizes for the inconvenience,
and goes back to the Headmistress.
She' s a little taken aback, but still proposes a solution - second door, right side.
The man is a more than a little frustrated (and certainly a touch embarrassed), by this point, so no conversation occurs
and he gets right into it. A third goes in. Then half. She yelps. He dismounts, and storms back to the Headmistress, not
even bothering to put his clothes back on. He demands a refund.
She tells him that she has one last option for him - if it doesn' t work, she will gladly refund every penny of his
purchase. Last door on the left. He goes in, and the room is very dark. A woman lies on the bed, waiting for him. He
mounts her - a third of the way, , and all the way in. She offers no complaint. Gleefully he begins thrusting,
when to his horror (and the dim light) he notices she appears to be foaming from the mouth. In a panic, he runs back
to the Headmistress.
That girl is foaming at the mouth! I think you need to call a doctor!“
The Headmistress rolls her eyes.
For fuck' s sake. Harold! The dead girl is mil again!"
Hope You liked them!