Funny jokes Part 1
A Catholic couple is about to get married, and the woman sits the man down for a the day before the
wedding. She says, “Honey, before we do this, I have something I need to get off my chest. You see, a few years
back, my family was very poor, and for a while I had to work as a prostitute."
The man leaps out of his chair and shouts, “Uh no, absolutely not! I can' t get married to you!“
The woman starts crying, and begs him to forgibe her, Tleast don' t leave me - surely you can live with a woman who
used to be a bit of a whore...“
The man sits down and says, "Oh, that' s fine. For a minute I thought you said Protestant."
My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the monies.
So I fucked her in the ass, pulled out, and came all over her face and hair.
I guess we don' t watch the same monies.
A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and
to spare her young daughter' s innocence, the mother turns around and says, “Don' t worry; that was an insect." To
which, her daughter replies, “I' m surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."
Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says “Today i found , and was able
to buy a nice hot meal. ft was my luckiest day eyed“.
to which the second hobo replies: "ah yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied
to the train tracks. After I untied her, we fucked all day"
Did you get a blow job?"
Naw, I couldnt find her head"
How did copper wire get invented? Two jews grabbed for the same penny.
A Romanian, a Jew and a Somali under a tree. A caterpillar gets on the Romanian' s shoulder. The Romanian throws the
caterpillar at the Jew, the Jew throws the caterpillar at the Somali, the Somali picks up the caterpillar and eats it.
aanother caterpillar gets on the Romanian, the Romanian throws it at the Jew, the Jew picks it up and ask the Somali:
Do you want to buy a caterpillar?"
My last girlfriend called me a pedophile. Pretty big word for a .
Whats the best part about fucking twenty eight year olds? there' s twenty of them!
A girl in a bar said to me, “I wouldn' t fuck you if you were the last person alive." Leaning over and whispering, I replied,
But who would be around to stop me?" Wiped the smug look right off her face.
isolation - it brings out the kid in you...
I locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other night. ft turns out they get really pissed when you go
in and ask them for a coat hanger.
So this guy goes to for a tourist trip and on the border they ask him if he had ever stayed in jail or had been
arrested. So he says: n I did not know that was still required"
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual checkout. She said I had to stop wanking. When I asked why she
said, “Because I' m trying to examine you!“
Lady in labour, shouting the usual shit, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She turns to her boyfriend and says,
You did this to me, you fucker!" He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said,
fuck off it' ll be too painful."
A poor man meets a rich man around Christmas. So the poor man asks the rich man, "what are you getting your wife
this Christmas?" The rich man replies, “diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "why are you getting her
two gifts?" The rich man says "well, if she doesn' t like the earrings she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The poor man nods. Then the rich man asks him "so, what are you getting your wife this year?" The poor man thinks
about it for a second and replies, "a pair of slippers and a dildo." The rich man asks "why those two things?" The poor
man astutely reponds "this way, if she doesn' t like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
Hope You liked them!