How to Survive a Horror Movie, Part 1
Rules for Surviving a Horror Movie
1 When it appears that you have
killed the monster, never check
to see if it' s really dead.
2 Ifyou find that your house was heilt upon or near a
cemetery, was owe a church that was used for Mack
masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or
committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or
had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic
practices, move away Immediately.
3 Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as
a joke. Don' t mumble to yourself, either - if you ean‘ t
read silently, you have no business with such a thing
4 Do not search the basement, especially if the power has
just gone out.
As a general rule, don' t solve puzzles that open portals
6 If you find a town that looks deserted, it' s probably that
way for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
7 Idyota' re searching for something that caused a
mysterious noise and find out that it' s just the cat, leave
the room Immediately if you value your life.
8 Don' t fool with recombinant DNA technology unless
you' re really sure you know what you are doing.
9 Idyota' re running from the monster, expect to trip or
fall down at least twice, more ifyou are ofthe female
persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are
running and the monster is merely shambling along, it' s
still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
10 Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of
those wooden Mocks on your work surface.