No Bathroom?. No PROBLEM! Taken from 'Emails From An Asshole'. Spacious Studio Apartment Posted at: 14: 39: 39 Original ad: Hello. I am a responsible young prof
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No Bathroom?


Taken from 'Emails From An Asshole'

Spacious Studio Apartment
Posted at: 14: 39: 39
Original ad:
Hello. I am a responsible young professional looking to sublet a
studio or 1 apt in or around East village. I am looking to move
in on Mar 15. / mo is my budget. Thans
I am leaving for London on business and need to sublet my
studio apartment immediately. It is a beautiful spacious
apartment in the East Village (near Tompkins Square Park]. Rent
is / month and you can move in as soon as February 25th.
Please let me know if you are interested.
From Ari - to Me:
Hi Mike thanks for responding. A few questions: how big is the
apt? how long can is the lease til? do you have any pics or a floor
plan? I want to move in on mar 15- is that ?
March 15th is fine with me. The apartment is STE square feet. I
don' t have any pictures, but I have included a floor plan to give
you an idea of the layout of the apartment. The lease is up in
November 2011, but you have the option to renew if you wish.
Please let me know if you have any more questions about the
From Ari - to Me:
Mike did you send me the wrong plan or is there really a pool in
your apartment.
Oh, yes. I should have mentioned the pool. I had an exercise pool
installed in the apartment because I was training for a swimming
marathon. It is a really nice pool. It is 39 inches deep with
powerful jets and a vinyl liner. The pool is great if you like to
From Ari - to Me:
Thats a pretty important thing to forget to mention, doncha
think?! It takes up the whole ffing apartment! How is there no
bathroom?? Where am I supposed to shower and sleep?
I know, it is a really nice pool. I usually use the kitchen as the
bathroom. You can either pee in the sink, or out the window.
The window overlooks an alley behind tth St, and most of the
time nobody walks below you. Even if you do piss on someone,
you are on the tth floor so they will probably have no idea
where it came from. By the time it hits them, you will most likely
be zipped up and have the window shut. The sink has a garbage
disposal in case you need to take a dump.
Showering? You don' t need to shower - you have a pool! Just go
for a swim any time you are trying to wash off.
Sleep? I' got that covered too. I have an extremely
comfortable pool raft I sleep on. It is like sleeping on a waterbed!
It has a couple of cup holders you can put your
phone/ Keri/ beer/ whatever in. I' ll include this with the
apartment for an extra .
I am free tomorrow if you want to check the place out and fill
out the sublet papers.
From Ari - to Me:
Hmm well yes that does sound nice, but I am looking for a place
where I dont have to shit in my sink and sleep in a goddamn
pool. Come on man! Good luck finding someone to rent you' ll
need it!
You don' t have to shit in the sink, it is just an option. You can
also shit out the window, or shit in a bucket next to the window
and dump it out the window. There is an Indian restaurant that
backs up to the alley, so it already smells like shit down there.
At least come over and try my raft before you decide that
sleeping in a pool is a bad thing. I' ll even throw in a couple of
pool noodles for free.
From Ari -= to Me:
Stop trying to sell me your POS apartment, if you can even call it
that. You know what makes an apartment an apartment? A bed.
Bathroom. Furnature. NOT A FUCKING POOL.
Why am I arguing with you? This is fucking ridiculous.
Conversation over.
Why are you so afraid of sleeping in this pool? Be honest, do you
nat know how to swim? If so, I can give you the number of a
good lifeguard I know.
From Ari -= to Me:
Shut the hell up. I hope you drown in your pool!
Views: 2257
Favorited: 1
Submitted: 02/15/2013
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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - debramster (05/08/2013) [-]
I think i've gotten everything now
I think i've gotten everything now
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