YOU CAN T FIX STUPID
ACTUAL I CALL CENTER I CALLS ' " ' ' "
Customer: 'I' been calling ) for twe days and can' t get through; can
Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'
Customer: 'It' s en the deer w your business.'
Leperator: Sir, these are the hours that we are epin.'
Caller: 'Can yeu give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: Trn sorry, sir, I dont understand whe yeu are talking - '
Caller: Cm page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need
unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and Jack before cleaning.
Now, can yeu give me the number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug en the wall.'
RAC Metering Services
Caller: ‘limes your" European Breakdown Policy Xever me when I am traveling in Australia
Operator: ‘limes the product name give we a clue?'
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements white traveling in Europe )
If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , I have to change
the steering wheel the ether side w the car?'
Caller: like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please
Operator: 'I' m sorry, there' s he listing. Are yeu sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: Well, it used be called the Barge Fish Bar but the B felt eff.'
Then there was the caller whe asked fer a knitwear Company in Woven.
Operater: 'Woven? Are we sure?'
Caller: 'Yes. That' s what it says en the label -- Wavin in ‘wetland q
On anither occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a evene we teld a
wearied t: rt: rerght: :
I haven' t get a pen, so I' m steaming up the window write the number en.'
Tech Support: 'I need yeu to en the [men Desktop.'
Tech Suppourt: Did we get a piplup menu?'
Tech Support: UK. again. Do you see a piplup menu?'
Tech Support: DIE, sir. Can we tell me what you have dew up until this point?'
Bestemor: 'Sure. You teld me to write 'click' and I write 'click'.'
Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of yew screen, can yeu see the 'OK'
Bestemor: 'Wew! How can you see my screen from there?'
Caller: ‘I deleted e file from my PC lest week and I just idealized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back twe weeks will I get my file back again?'
This has to be ene of the funniest things in e long time. I think this guy should
have been promoted, net fired, This is e true story from the
Helpline, which wes from e recording monitoring the customer care
department., Needless to say the Help Desk employee wes fired; however, he/ she
is currently suing the organization for Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue w a former Customer Support employee. (Now I know
why they record these conversations! I:
Operator: Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: Wes, well, I' m having trebble with .'
Operator: 'What sen of trebble?
Caller: Y/ ell, I was just typing alang, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: Went away?
Caller: They disappeared .'
Operator: 'Hmm. Se what does yew screen leek bike now?
Caller: 'it' s blank; it wen' t accept anything when I type.'
Seperator: 'Are yeu still in , er did yeu get out??'
Caller: 'Hew do I tatt?'
Leperator: Can yeu see the C: prompt' en the screen?
Seperator: 'Never mind, can you mave yew ceaser around the screen?”
Caller: There isn' t any cursor; I teld yeu, it went accept anything I type.'
Operater: 'Does your monitor have a pewee indicator??'
Caller: "What' s a monitor?'
Operator: 'It' s the thing with the screen en it that leeks like a TV. Does it have a
little tight that tells yeu when it' s en?
Caller: l den' t knew.'
Well, then leek en the back of the moniter and find where the power
cead gees inte it. Can you see that??'
Caller: Yes, I think .'
operator: 'Great. Feller the cead to the plug, and tell me if it' s plugged inte the
When yeu were behind the moniter, did yeu notice that there were twe
cables plugged into the back of it, net just ene??'
Seperator: N/ ell, there are. I need yeu to leek back there again and find the other
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Imperator: 'Feller it for me, and tell me if it' s plugged securely inte the back of your
Caller: " can' t reach.'
Seperator: Even if you maybe put your knee en something and lean way ever?
Calle 'Well, it' s net because I den' t have the right angle -- it' s because it' s dark.'
Caller: Yes - the office tight is off, and the anly tight I have is coming in frem the
Operator: , turn en the office tight then.'
aerator: Ne? Why not??'
Caller: Because there' s a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power .... A waer failure? Aha. Okay, we' got it licked new. [lie you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that yew computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug yew system and pack it up just like it was
when yeu got it. Then take it back to the stere yeu baught it frem.'
Caller: Really? Is it that bad?'
aerator: Yes, I' m afraid it is.'
Caller: “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: Tell them yeu' re tee stupid to ewn a computer