There are two kinds of people. Found when looking at 3am bloggers on tumblr. Sorry for poor screenshot, it's on my iPad.. AAM CONFESSIONS The concept of mortali
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There are two kinds of people

Found when looking at 3am bloggers on tumblr. Sorry for poor screenshot, it's on my iPad.

AAM CONFESSIONS
The concept of mortality in me is battling because the fear I have is coupled by
desire. Perhaps it is not death I fear. It' s the unknown. It' s losing control. Dying
is maybe not what I tear, as I could take my own lite. But I' m too scared of the
lack of control- I' m too scared of someone else ending me,
I never pictured more than sex ever for myself. For a long time. I felt like a slut
every time. And the more I feel good about myself. the more I hate myself,
Every good relationship in my Me, I set out to destroy. You make me happy so I
want you gone.
Sometimes even if I want to eat, I just cant
Sometimes I do things just to give myself more of a reason to hate myself-
I don' t always just dress like a grub because I want to. t feel to tat to dress up
some days. So I wear ugly old clothes. So you don' t look aims.
I want you to tall in love with me. But I' m too scared to fall in love with you.
And tonight I have reached a fascinating point where I am much too tired to go
to sleep., I was ready to pass out from exhaustion about 3 hours ago. but I kept
mysefl awake. For the purpose of torturing myself I guess. There are days when
I stay up all night because sleep evades me. Then there are days in a row when
I cannot get out of bed. I eather don' t sleep or I sleep tor days and days,
When I tried to hurt myself beyond repair numerous times. you stopped me. It' s
not a hyperbole to say you saved my life. There is nothing I wouldn' t do for you-
And I know I owe you.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and it breaks my heart. I want to see
what they say they see. I want to see beautiful. But I never have,
I thought I was in love with you. But I only wanted to feel loved. And now that
you want me, Won' t care anymore. I feel tree.
The smells of vanilla. cigarettes. coffee and paper are my favourites. I love the
taste of coffee on someones mouth.
There are few people I trust. and of those people. only one or two would I say
never have really let me down-
After it all, Fm scared of my curling iron-
And I really have no idea what the fuck I' m doing with my life. I work too hard to
plan shit that I know will tall through. I know it' s going to collapse., But for some
reason. I' m going to keep going, I' m going to keep fighting even if I don' t have
faith in myself.
I don' t have any idea who I am. And I hope that something starts to make
sense-
What it the hokey pokey is really what it' s all about
...
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Submitted: 02/04/2013
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