Shocking New Confession. . The Indiana Menthol Procrastinator The most objective news source Lance Armstrong Admits To Being A Cyborg The Entire Time batmon Fen
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Shocking New Confession

The Indiana Menthol Procrastinator The most objective news source
Lance Armstrong Admits To Being A Cyborg
The Entire Time
batmon Fender; IMP
Just a week after admitting that he used drugs to win multiple Tours
France, bicyclist Lance Armstrong has cemo out with yet another shocking
confession, he was actually a cyborg the entire time.
In a repeat interview with Oprah Winfrey, Armstrong admitted to the use of
bionic limbs, one artificial lung, and an eye that shoots lasers throughout his
career.
These mechanic legs and artificial lungs are what wen me these races,"
admitted Armstrong "Not the laser eye though, Justgot that because it
melted cool."
Fans of Armstrong, many of whom den' t actually watch him race, were
outraged after hearing about this shocking turn of events.
To think that all this time I was being lied to," said Armstrong fan Vance
Hayfield "I mean, We never actually watched the Tour France, er any other
cycling event, but Lance Armstrong was a hero to me, and millions of other
people who den' t actually watch cycling events. To hear that he was a cyborg
this entire time, it' s heartbreaking."
When asked if he regretted his decision to mechanically enhance himself,
Armstrong said "Absolutely. I let my fans down when I removed my limbs and
replaced them with pistons, and having a mechanic lung was
an unfair advantage met my competitors. I dont however regret getting an
eye that shoots lasers, because that' s awesome."
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Submitted: 01/25/2013
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