by putting yourself out there with a thick enough suit of armor to take what the uninformed masses spew your way

You don't understand man. I'm disappointing myself with what I do. I have no confidence that I'm doing anything right, and I don't have anyone I trust enough to convince me that I'm right. So I'm just wrong. I know life has no right answers, but it has plenty of wrong ones.

anything else you wana throw out there before i go to bed? i gotta be up in five hours and am about to call it

Goodnight bro.

cheers, see you around

i see nothing wrong with that taste. It overlaps with mine in someways

Yup, but no one wants to hear it :D
I'm completely unlikable, even my taste in music is horrible and wrong :D

then why does my slight approval happen

Most likely because you're talking to me :D
You can't just say "your taste sucks", that would be impolite.

I'm kinda a douche so I feel no harm in doing that when it comes to rap and most country.

I can respect the good aspects of rap and country. Country utilizes some great guitar and banjo some times, and the lyrical focus in good rap can be completely amazing.

when i say rap, I mean the garbage that really isn't anything musically. I appreciate people like eminem. Most country. Johnny Cash has my heart forever

I don't really listen to rap or country, but I like KoRn's use of rap.

fun fact, first recorded rap to be released was Blondie in Rapture. so a white girl started rap basically lolz

I see.

but moving on, i went on a tangent there.

What were we talking about again?

i dont really feel like scrolling up and checking through the storm of purple lines

Oh well

uhhhhh got anything?

How about talking about my increasing depression? :D

whatver floats your boat, i'm here to listen

Well I'm feeling like I'm too late to the party. That no one could ever want me around, and that feeling is becoming so strong that I'm actually feeling sick. Every time I think about it, I want to throw up. I didn't sleep well tonight because of what I've come to realize. I'm not a guy who'll ever encounter mutual love. That's how it is.

a lotta people did about 18ish years ago

shit happens

That wasn't me, every molecule in my body has been replaced since then

your neurons havent been replaced

Jup they have. That's how it works, the body keeps replacing cells. Even in the brain.

It has been demonstrated that neurogenesis can sometimes occur in the adult vertebrate brain, a finding that led to controversy in 1999.[27] However, more recent studies of the age of human neurons suggest that this process occurs only for a minority of cells, and the overwhelming majority of neurons comprising the neocortex were formed before birth and persist without replacement.

Still, people won't see me naked though xD

and redirected.........

www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDyck4ZotSE
I love the lyrics to this song. Songs like those place me in that dream world where my ideals aren't ridiculous :D

my song at the moment
www.youtube.com/watch?v=GP0_MNj8f1Q

Rammstein ain't my cup of tea. They've said themselves that they're in it for the shows, not as much for the music. Also, industrial rock is kinda boring :\

so sad for you. I have an odd taste so things liek this pop up

Well, I do happen to have the best taste in the world xD

mister confident, and sorry had another meet. So i was outta contact with the world for a bit again.

It's not confidence, it's truth. It's subjective taste, so to me, it's the best taste in the world.

unless you like rap and country, then I say no you're wrong.

That's still your opinion on my taste. In my opinion, I have the best taste in the world. Sucks that no one else thinks that way.

what do you listen to?

Metal and rock mostly, but not classical bands. I'm into new bands, and already there it's a mistake. Also, funk, disco and a capella are genres I like.

you might not have your computer though!

I do. I just live in my room, not much will change.

na dude, full hermits go up a mountain and get a manly beard.

AHAHAHAHA :,D
You haven't seen my face man. My beard is even more pathetic than the rest of me

i dunno im sporting a pretty shitty mustache right now. Fucking conference stache. i look straight pedo

I just look like a fat neckbeard :D

i can't even grow hair there. I sport a trashy blonde side burns and black mo/goatee thingy

Haha, I look like a hobo, but with a pathetic beard c:

im 20 years old and can't even grow a full beard that is all one color. mine is just pedo and trashy esque

I'm 19 years old, and my beard looks like someone glued pubes to my face. Also, I've got completely no hair on my chest, and my body looks like some took 5 average-looking people and took all the worst body parts and glued them together c:
Fat legs, thin arms, crooked back, insane face, retarded body hair growth.

at least im tone i guess. 140 at 6-1, skinny as fuck though. Constant working out for six years now does that

Yup, and people like that.
I just look like an abomination c:
Which I try to hide with baggy clothes. Poorly.

well im quite pale so i stand out when im out running. Lack of sun early in life does that to you

Ahaha, you think you're pale? You haven't seen my stomach!

although i live in the south now, I don't tan. I just burn. I was born pretty damn far up north and saw no sun fro a while

I'm just a ball of dough though. Hairy in all the wrong places, white and floppy. It's no wonder no one has ever been attracted to me (._.)

you could have the awkard thin patchy hair i have. its quite a panty dropper.

Haha. Not like anyone is gonna see me naked anyways xD

that all depends on your outlook on religion and that now, doesnt it

I depends only on my outlook on the supposed afterlife. And I have no reason to assume that it continues after that.

thats why its called faith

Yup. And I have faith that nothing happens. So why waste my time hoping for that?

because hope is one of the few things in this world someone can have for sure

Well I don't waste my time hoping for impossibilities. Also why I've chosen to push my feelings down for now.

and they will eventually come bursting to the surface

That'll be the future me's problem. It won't serve me any good to emote my feelings when I can't change anything. So I'll just ignore them. Fuck my feelings, they can go to hell.

i think everyone feels the same about feelings.

But I'm not good at ignoring them. I choose to, anyways though. They haven't served me in the past, they won't serve me now.

who knows, also on a side note comments from this have already been rolled three times for me

I don't get these comments rolled though.
Some times I wonder if I'm wrong. Again.
That I should feel these emotions. That I should communicate them. Tell people how I feel. But nah. That will only scare everyone away.

love is finding the person who take everything wrong with you and stride and loves you all the same. nobody is perfect.

Haha, but I'm compatible with no one c:

again crazier/ worse people have found someone. I have faith in you. If you don't have faith in yourself. have faith in me, the guy who has faith in you.

I won't say that I don't have faith in myself, because I kinda think I'm subconsciously still hanging on to a little shred of hope, but I've chosen to not care. It doesn't matter at all. I can always just imagine that I'm curling up with one of my fictional love interests, that is something. It doesn't matter that no one likes me. I can live without people.

although sad, a lot of people do go hermit style

Yup. I guess it won't change much anyways.

why is that? There is so much out there any taste can be satisfied. I'm out for a bit practice calls!

Well I can't seem to focus on it. I've taken to watching the show Fact or Faked though. Very interesting to an /x/phile as myself.

i finally got around to reading your fan fic. I like it so far. Is there more than just this first chapter? I'd like to read more for sure.

I haven't written anymore yet, although I have some ideas in the back of my head. Dunno when I'll realize them though, maybe if I get some time next week.

you should get right on that

I really should. I'm kinda busy lately though :\

but my stupid wants and needs that really don't matter

Haha, don't worry, I'll definitely write more. Writing about a self-insert is a great way to vent and dream of a better life.

everyone has that thing that is a release for them

Yeah. Also, it feels good to remove myself from reality, because my reality is sad.

the world is quite a sad place, sadly

But there are so many happy people in it. That's what I can't have. But at least I can do other things, happiness is not required for education.

overall though life really isnt fair, its just how positive can you stay

Exactly, life isn't fair. Life is not fair at all. Hence why I'm certain that I'll always be alone.

no but it has this funny of making things alright

Well it sure as hell is taking its sweet time. But oh well, the longing doesn't matter when you've given up.

again not fair but it all ends up working out

Yeah. Because when I'm dead, I won't care anymore.

it takes a lot for one to hook me. So it is quite the uphill battle.

nothing much just going through classes and running

As long as you're not running through class, that sounds fine c:

true that. I just sit there and sometimes listen. Now I'm out looking for a new anime. I just finished Sword Art Online, amazing btw.

I've heard mixed opinions on it. You watched Soul Eater?

No I have yet to, my only concern is I don't want to get sucked into another series that has like a hundred episodes. Fairy Tail damn near ruined my last semester of college. So many episodes watched in such a short time

Soul Eater has only about 50 though. Also, I recommend Bakemonogatari/Nisemonogatari. That's an awesome series.

Well I have some to try out now. My list right now is naruto, just fucking end god, Fairy Tail, and Sakura-sō no Pet na Kanojo. All on going which is alright I guess. Which do you more highly recommend?

Of those three? Or of others I've watched?

i mean of the ones you recommended or have watched. The three I put I've committed to. Even fucking Naruto that refuses to fucking end.

Hm. Well I really liked Shijou Saikyo no Deshi Kenichi, but the anime was sadly sub-par to the manga. It's really sad to see such a good martial arts-series with such bad animation, when things with no movement whatsoever has great animation. It really annoys me.

so watch it?

I'd say, give it a try. The message is really good, although the anime doesn't get that far into the plot yet.

so its ongoing?

Not really, but I think a season two is planned.

hmmm maybe i got it saved in a word document so i don't forget, cause i will forget especially with a non English esque title

Well in English it's called History's Strongest Disciple Kenichi

ill put that in the document also. helpful shit there

No prob bro c:
I'm pretty much behind on the new seasons of anime though. I can't really watch anime any more.

if you know you don't know how to treat someone, then wouldnt you inversely know how to treat them

No. If I know I'm wrong, that doesn't tell me how I become right.

thomas edison always said he didnt fail 100 times, just figured out 100 ways that don't work. Process of elimination.

And I've tried and failed once. I'm way behind. But I've philosophized to come to the conclusion I've come to, instead of building it up on actual experience. So now I'm alone, and I have nothing to offer.

so you get knocked down once and call ti quits?

I didn't call it quits, everyone else did that for me. That's the thing with socializing, my effort doesn't matter at all, people still don't like me.

saying the world is against you is admitting defeat.

Then I'm defeated. I'm crushed. There's nothing left for me.

as long as youre living you havent lost.

It's the worst kind of defeat. The living dead.

then stand up again.

I am already standing. And walking. Flowing with the stream because I can't do anything extreme that could actually convince people that I have problems.

everyone has problems, its how they deal with them. also cheers to over one month on this random dudes thread.

Everyone has problems indeed. Real problems out in the real life. I'm the only one who doesn't have problems, and yet I'm sitting here, whining like a teenage girl because I've read some romance stories. Ahaha, how pathetic.

the teenage girl analogy made me chuckle in class, jerk

It wasn't even a joke, it's true.

i just got an over the top image in my head from your description. happens

It sure does. So, what's up in your life?

and what will you do to change that?

Try to forget my dreams. Try to not feel.

to bad that doesnt work though

Sadly. Only thing that could help me is a lobotomy

if you just want to droll on yourself the rest of your life, sure

Better than this.

ill disagree kindly on that point

Well I can't make my dreams come true. And then they only cause me pain. Better off without them.

nothing is impossible.

That's a stupid saying, lots of things are impossible.

hit me with your best shot

Me being genuinely loved. That's impossible.

crazier things have happened. im not much of a betting man, against ncaa rules, but id bet against that

Because you're not me. You don't see what I see.

no but i have a decent understanding of the world

So do I. Sadly.

and they are crazier things happening in the world

Doesn't matter. It doesn't change how I feel when I'm outside. It's very obvious that I couldn't possibly treat a woman right. It's not like love is the only requirement for a relationship, sadly it is not enough to just be me.

and that is why the human body is so interesting.

And warm. And soft.

actually one of the most durable things ever, far from "soft"

Still. Warm and soft. I can't remember the warmth anymore though.

actually technically bodies are quite cold. 98.6 is a lower end temp for mammals.

I'm not talking science here.

im a facetious man.........

I noticed.

seething with sarcasm

Yeah well I'm not in the best of moods.

sorry if my sarcasm hits a rough spot. Sometimes its rough to try to read in over simple text, I also go to far sometimes. But those are just excuses, my bad.

Nah I'm sorry for being like this constantly. I swear, when I'm not sitting alone in my room, I'm actually pretty good at faking good mood.

i feel no need to tell you to curb it. if it means anything im sad now because of freaking clannad after story. Holy fuck

Yeah. I didn't like Nagisa, but Kyou's single episode after story hit me hard. I really wanted to hug her as she stood there in the rain. No way I could bring comfort and safety to anyone though.

i only got three hours of sleep last night because i just couldnt stop. it was like a drug of feels

I hate it. I wish I'd never watched a single romance story.

as a son of a romance novelist, that makes me sad

Don't you think it makes me sad? I can't just take all these stupid and ridiculous dreams out of my head now! I'm just fucked. Completely and utterly fucked. Alone.

i seriously doubt there is literally no one or anything

It's true. I had someone I thought I could trust. Turns out she didn't care either. I don't blame her, she didn't owe me anything. It would just be nice to be proven wrong some time.

and now youre saying there is no one at all, period

Yup. That's how it is. Everyone I meet only serve to confirm that.

my mind is straight up farting out on me right now, to many tests. so you live in demark?

I live in Denmark, yes.

thats cool, although not to close, I have three European teammates. Britain, Switzerland, France. I don't know a ton bout Denmark though

It's a pretty safe and rich country. Only youth that drinks more alcohol than our are the Irish, last I checked. I'm completely left behind because I don't drink, and I didn't get any friends while most people still didn't drink (at the age of 12-13)

whats the age to start drinking there, legally of course

There's no age at when it's illegal to drink, it's only illegal to buy alcohol before you're 16. In comparison, you can get a driver's license when you're 18. You are allowed to buy alcohol before you're an adult. It's stupid. But it's our culture.

license at 16 for me. alcohol is still outside my reach at 19

See? We have it completely backwards.

i dunno 16 year olds should not be driving, i was such a bad driver

And 14 year olds should not be drinking alcohol, in fact it causes even more damage to the brain if you're below about 21 years of age.

for some people the brain develops after 21

It's about 21 that it's supposed to be fully developed though. And in any case, alcohol before you're 21 is insane enough as it is. I just get so disappointed, it's like everyone is doing it. Drinking alcohol, smoking weed, having sex with random people. I don't want that, and I don't want this life I'm leading right now. There doesn't seem to be a middle way.

take the robert frost path, the road less taken. And i was saying in some cases the brain does continue developing for a while. 21 isnt concrete

I know, but it's a general estimate because you can't just evaluate everyone individually.

isnt that all life really is?

That's what I've come to realize. Romance? Love? True friendship? All absurd ideals dreamt up by a mind that reads too much fiction.

fiction is what you make it, what you want to believe

Yup. A fictional dream world to make up for how the real world isn't.

the world is as real as you make it

Nah. The world is as real as the world allows.

huh thought i replied to this, my bad. you can choose to fight or lay down

I've been fighting for 19 years to be able to live like I want to. Now I realize that that has changed nothing.

i dunno, youve gone to school. learned new things. sounds like some change to me

It's not. It doesn't matter what I've learned in school, everyone who is not a retard could learn that. I just know that there is no one out there for me, no woman who would share my ideal of love with me. It's all just realism and cynicism.

isnt the first step always a positive attitude?

I sure don't hope so, because then I'm screwed.

then make the small steps towards a upwards attitude

Closest thing I come to a positive attitude is the optimistic pessimist: "It can't get any worse, might as well be reckless"

a start is a start

I've started so many times. For once, I'd like to have a good end.

all bout that perspective thing. didnt tell me you responded this time, stupid stupid

It's not about perspective. No matter the perspective, I'm still alone, I've always been.

just gotta look into yourself and just figure it out. lots of searching

I always feel I'm doing right until it all breaks down. I couldn't even be in a relationship because I'd know it wouldn't last. I couldn't hold anyone, because no one would want me to. I couldn't love anyone because no one could ever share that privilege with me. I'll just stand here and look at the people who can live.

even hitler had a lover, nothing is impossible

Hitler was a passionate man with a dream, who turned Germany's economy good in just a few years. He was much more than I'll ever be, even with all the people he slaughtered. I'm pretty much worse off socially than Hitler.

thats rather grim. Castro is another who had a wife.

Again, dictators had passions. They might also have been small, insecure men, but so am I, and I'm not out there conquering anything. That might give me the moral high grounds, but it doesn't change the fact that I'll never share love with anyone.

no but if small men like them can come out with someone. It provides hope for everyone else. And to me you seem like a chill dude

Only because you don't have me on Skype. When I get down, everyone of my online friends gets to know. And in detail. It's not like I understand why they want to talk to me in the first place anyways.

do you need a reason to talk to someone. mine is just simple as cause i feel like it

That doesn't work. It feels awkward, forced and ends very quickly again. And never picks up. Those brief encounters, I've tried more times than I can remember. Never worked. Never. I guess I'm just a fucking retard.

such highs and lows bro, nostalgia critic needs to make more appearances.

He's doing it monthly now.

i miss weekly =(

Better than him stopping I guess. Not like it fucking matters, it's only more distraction. Some times I wish I never existed.

your a fan of flipping back to depression huh? we can go onto the butterfly effect, both the bad and good ends

I don't think it's depression though. I'm not being pessimistic, I'm being realistic. I will always be completely alone. Always.

"Severe despondency and dejection, accompanied by feelings of hopelessness and inadequacy." sounds kinda spot on to me

Then I've had a depression my entire life. It's not like I can't do shit, I can still rip strings on my guitar and program some stupid shit. It just doesn't matter. I'll maybe find an alright job and make some pointless money to buy pointless shit and then I'll die.

ive just got those numeric times staring at me, stupid child me

Hehe. Well it's fairly obvious when you finally manage to beat it c:

yeah, just a touch

So what are you up to now?

well im dead tired from getting back at four yesterday and ran 12 miles today. so im just sitting here in till im tired enough for a nap

Sounds like you'll sleep well~
I just wrote a program that rotates a figure based on Cartesian coordinates by converting them to polar coordinates and increasing the angle by a value, then converting them back. It's quite great.

my last math class was pre cal, first semester of college. you are speaking straight foreign language to me

Wooo~
Remember, to divide two complex numbers, you need to multiply the division with the complex conjugation of the denominator divided with itself. It's easy~

stop that.

U huehuehue bro?

no

Oh man, I'll save that gif, I love realistic crying photos. I have lots of experience with crying, I can tell when crying is realistic. That gif looks just as pathetic as I feel

oh well i have quiet a few of these!

It's kinda like I've forgotten why I cry. It can't just be because I miss the warmth of another person, that would just be pathetic. Well I guess that's actually it then. Huh.

being single for the past two years i feel the pain, if even slightly

That's the worst thing, I've always been single. Every single shred of love I've ever felt has been one-sided. And I doubt that would ever change.

i just dont have the time anymore to give enough

Well, you know what your issue is. I don't know. There must be something fundamentally wrong with what I do and how I feel. I'm just broken.

always do

Well that's good c:
So are you there now?

my bus had spotty wifi, im there now

Yay~

and had no free time and am on my way back yay

How did it go?

got second in the mile and third in my relay, but i handed it off in first.

That's awesome man!

although place wise its fine, i needed to run about two seconds faster in the mile. but i getta try again in two weeks

You're a regular Sonic, man

na the guy who beat me by eight seconds in that mile is.

Still, it's pretty cool

sure lets go with that, i still havent touched my personal best from almost two years ago though.

Well I can't really give you any help, since you're 1000 times better at that. I'll cheer you on~

just got to get my twenty year old self faster than my 17/18 year old self.

It's nice to have goals and ambitions~

to beat your younger self =p

I've chosen to forget my younger self. Nothing really happened.

seem nice to me, although i guess my view is pretty one sided.

You know what would help me? If someone hugged me. Without me prompting or asking for it. A real hug. I've forgotten how warm it feels.

ive got this, if it helps just a slight amount. I'm off to go run and stuff. peace.

Internet hugs just aren't the same. But I appreciate the gesture. Good luck with running~
Following Emi's schedule?

no bro college running, im a touch beyond that now.

Oh right, sorry.
I've never been fond of physical training, I just find it plain boring. Now I'm trying to work up my stamina a bit though~

its a lot more fun than people make it out to be

Well I don't really like it. I can't really train just for training's sake. At least not for long at a time. I did enjoy my old kung-fu practice, but I didn't like the methods or the teachers much. Too sports-oriented.

i feel ya. it isnt for everyone. Also if i vanish for a bit or become spotty in my replies, it's because im traveling for a meet and not sure if we have wifi or not. I leave in four hours soooooo yeah.

It's alright, I'm a patient man. In some aspects.

yep yep gotta go run some races.

Gotta go fast~

yep one full mile and a quarter mile. fast and hold a fast pace

Woah man. I can barely run for two minutes.

in cross i run six point two for a race. so this is nice and short

Awesome man. Sounds like you're really good at it

good enough, i get my ass kicked pretty hard sometimes. I might this race depending on what teams show up. Well im going to the bus and im not sure if it will have wifi. peace!

Have fun~

he must think he is super popular

Maybe. Hey datdoode, have you noticed how we've been spamming up your content?

broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Whateva c:
So what are you up to?

i have class in seven hours and from some reason am not going to sleep........

Hahaha. Well that's how it is some times xD
What are you studying?

my degree is in pre professional health studies with the hope to get into therapy school. Specifically for occupational therapy

Woah man, sounds useful!

fasting growing job in america and its rewarding.

Well I'm planning on entering the IT business, that's a fast growing business too xD

and you dont have to change diapers!

Yeah! :D

so count yourself lucky

My future me might be lucky. Not sure about this one though.

look at that a positive remark

I guess. I just wish... I wish that when I had a happy day like today, that it wasn't just caused by shallow values. It's not real happiness, it's just distraction.

can't anything really be dubbed "shallow"

Something more than others. If it's just distractions, then it's shallow happiness. You know, I've been told before that it's surprising I'm as alone as I am, that I'm actually a pretty nice guy. I guess I just don't meet that many people.

youll have to wait till i finish "The Rise of Silas Lapham" god screw that book

Never heard of it.

good, don't touch it. It's up there on my list of hate with "The Scarlet Letter" and "The Awakening"

That's a lot of hate, I suppose?

Oh Christ almighty. there is few things i truly hate, those three books are in that list

Haha, sounds extreme xD

im passionate about somethings

Sounds like a fun thing to be~

try it, not that hard.

I try. It never seems genuine. So I'm the only one that feels the passion. It's okay.

youre the only one that feels passion!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm the only one that feels my own passion. No one else can sense when I'm genuinely passionate about something.

ill see if i can see a passion for writing, once i get to your story. I'll probably read it on my trip to Arkansas this Thursday if things work out

I guess I'm not passionate about writing as a whole. I was pretty passionate when I wrote that though, I just sat writing for almost two hours in a row.

there is something right there.

I'm not a very dedicated person though. I'm not motivated by competition and such, I'm just motivated by doing what I want to do. Mostly. I do feel duty and responsibility about some things.

If I don't care for it I just don't do it. Simple as that. Unless it leads to something i want.

Yeah, sounds about right. Hey, you think OP has seen how many comments we've posted?

even simple reptiles?

I'm not that big a fan of reptiles. I mean, I think they're cute, but as far as pets go, I want something that I can cuddle. Only thing I can cuddle; animals and inanimate objects. Guess that's how it's going to be~

you can cuddle a reptile or fish, its just odd.....

It's not the same. Well, at least this pillow will never leave me.

as long as its a comfy pillow all is well

But if it's all I'll ever have. These material items are the only thing I'll always have. People just leave.

and life goes on, its how it rolls

Life goes on indeed. And before I know it I'm dead. Having lived alone.

no one is truly ever alone, all depends on what you consider "company" also 251 so far, hot damn

Haha, I truly am alone. I can write to people online, but no one wants to be with me in the end. No one stays after they have met me.

in my overly optimistic way, i believe you will find someone

It's getting harder and harder to believe that. For each person that leaves me, more of who I am is shattered and I can only be there to sweep the pieces under the rug.

you should take up a career in writing on a side note. you make crazy visuals.

Funny you should mention it, I just wrote a Katawa Shoujo fanfic that I uploaded in the channel. I wish I could use these skills to write good song lyrics though. Or maybe they are good too? I'unno.

ill sneak a peak at it. Did you just put it up?

It's here: www.funnyjunk.com/channel/katawashoujo/King+of+Fools+A+Katawa+Shoujo+fanfic/tvylGgi/
It's pretty much me inserting myself instead of Hisao, but I don't think it's half bad. And people agree with me.

ill be the final judge of that! after i read this book for american lit =p. ill bookmark it

I'd love to get your opinion on it~

I'm not annoyed, sooo whats that mean

Believe me, it's not even that much with you. But I feel like I'm just burdening others with my sadness, and that's just a really bad thing to do.

nothing cant be safely supported with one beam

That metaphor isn't really helping me though, because I can see what my actions cause. I make people turn away from me or ignore me.

then the change must be started somewhere, right?

I don't know man. I can't figure this out. Maybe I should just follow the stream for a while, take things as they come.

and you came to the answer yourself!

Problem is, that's what I've been doing most of my life, and look where it's led me! To a place where I've lost everyone else.

then you need to find the answer that makes you the happiest, no one else has it

And I have no idea how to get that. Urgh. I wish I could just not care. Be motivated by regular sexual desire instead of all these feelings.

is that what you really want? or what you want to believe? don't let society dictate who you are. That caring heart could mean a lot

Problem is, that might be what people say, but is that how people act? Could I start a relationship with ANYONE while having these thoughts? I doubt it, they're going to be misunderstood or hated very quickly

there is always someone more fucked up or someone who will take you for what you are

I wish I could see that, but that's not how it is in real life.

no thats how it is. just gotta look from different perspectives.

Nothing matters. There's nothing left for me out there. These dreams and beliefs I can't let go of are causing me to be less and less attached to this world.

ever think of getting a cat or dog?

We can't have pets in this apartment. Also I'm allergic to almost every animal.

then you are on the right track and just have to have perseverance and patience.

Just having the hope to continue existing is sadly not that much of a quality. And I can't just be myself, in this world, who I am is not good. No one could like that. So I have to change myself to someone else, or I will live a lonely life.

there is someone out there for everyone, just gotta look everywhere.

Yeah, I'm having my doubts about that

you are a math man right?

I am, and don't start spout statistics at me, it doesn't work. People have tried that before. Just because it's a statistic doesn't mean that it holds true. I know enough about statistics to realize this.

but the chances do point to a certain answers, the numbers never lie

They do lie, in fact. Especially when you try to push numbers onto something that really has too many variables to be measurable. All I know is that who I am is not someone who could be loved or share a stable relationship. I'm not good enough.

im just saying there is someone out there for you. No one is doomed to eternal lonelyness

I'm glad you think so. I wish I could believe the same.

all it takes is some hope

I've hoped long enough. I've been betrayed often enough. My hope is running out.

but hope remains.

Does it? Maybe I only keep existing because I'm too weak to even end myself.

ending yourself is the weakest solution. period.

Maybe. Maybe just existing while still giving up is the weakest solution.

no because you have made the choice to live and deal with the problems. ending it, is saying im throwing my issues onto other people.

Haha, sadly, throwing my issues onto other people is what I'm best at. Like this discussion I'm having with you. Or the people I chat with on Skype. I just end up bothering them with my sadness, so the best choice is to just lie here alone, crying without annoying anyone.

thought you ditched out on me for a bit there, long reply time. Then its just finding something that makes you happy despite the results. For me thats running. As long as i give it all I can't be angry with myself

But I don't know if I'm giving it my all. Others become much better in much shorter time.
And sorry for the long reply time, but you replied to Sheepyhead, and I'm back on Kairyuka now

oh makes sense, my bad. Equal opportunity doesnt equal, equal effort

Nah, but I guess it shows the limits of my talent. Oh well, it's not like being good at something would just make my issues go away. Unless I was good at being a likable person.

no one is good at being likable, sad fact there

Then how come some people are so easily loved, and others like me are scorned?

would you prefer false love from a false pretence?

I wouldn't. Some people just seem to find true love easily. And I'm just left behind.

if it makes you feel better im flying the single plane

It doesn't really help me that others are in the same position as me. That only reinforces my belief that I couldn't share love with anyone to begin with. Despite all my romantic ideals, I've got no experience, so all those ideals are just dreams. Egoistic illusions from some fake world.

everyone starts from somewhere

Everyone has already started. Except me.

i dunno youre alive, so you started