so true.... ni. . is How MOST ED introit: x, tieing. How ciao. DMing STORY BITCHES >only few people on skype > have joke dungeon i threw together in 5 minutes >they get super lucky with crits. (play using crit tabl
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so true.... ni

is How MOST
ED introit: x, tieing.
How ciao
...
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Submitted: 01/03/2013
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#38 - rockmanfan ONLINE (01/04/2013) [+] (9 replies)
DMing STORY BITCHES
>only few people on skype
> have joke dungeon i threw together in 5 minutes
>they get super lucky with crits.
(play using crit table, it's more fun)
>rescue girl.
>dude walks in
>dude is actually CR 26 hellfire wyrm.
>2 players incinerated instantly
> barbarian cling on it's back for dear life.
> ******* ranger walks in
>crits dragon in eye
>rolled 100 on crit table
> instant kill.
>MFW a level 8 ranger single handidly took out a ******* hellfire wyrm
#87 - Sabre (01/04/2013) [+] (3 replies)
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements   
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child   
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight   
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.   
>"Don't worry guys, I got this 						****					!"   
>Potion is a love potion   
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount,  shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?   
>DM hesitates before answering yes   
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature   
>20 to hit   
>penetration achieved   
>Paladin begins prematurely ejaculating in his armor   
>Mfw when watching a moose sodomize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground cumming... all because of me
>Playing 3.5 with some Pathfinder elements
>Paladin in our group plays like an idiot man-child
>My character (Lawful Evil) offers him a potion that we couldn't identify and tells him to drink it next time we get into a fight
>Next fight turns out to be some powerful weird fey, fears half the party in the first round.
>"Don't worry guys, I got this **** !"
>Potion is a love potion
>Buddy asks the DM since he shares an empathic link with his (moose) mount, shouldn't it also be under the effect of the potion?
>DM hesitates before answering yes
>Mosse begins attempting to mount evil fey creature
>20 to hit
>penetration achieved
>Paladin begins prematurely ejaculating in his armor
>Mfw when watching a moose sodomize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf rolls around on the ground cumming... all because of me


User avatar #60 - ZalgotheImminent (01/04/2013) [-]
Here's my DM story, faggots.

>Doing a joke encounter with two friends.
>One's a Shadar-Kai ranger, the other's a werewolf warlord.
>Send a ******* of kobolds after them because **** you, kobolds.
>They somehow manage to survive for a while.
>Get to the top of a tower near some city walls where the kobolds have their slingers.
>Werewolf asks "Hey, can we try something?"
>"O...kay?"
>They start whispering to each other.
>"Alright, Zalgo, here's what we wanna do. I wanna jump on the Shadar-kai's scythe, have him sling me across to the wall, then turn full wolf form and maul one of the kobolds over there."
>"What."
>They both roll, Werewolf for Balance, Shadar-kai for Strength/Balance
>Natural twenties everywhere.
> **** THIS gay EARTH.
>Mauls a kobold.
>Other kobolds see this.
>Werewolf makes an Intimidation check.
>Why do the dice I lend people hate me so much?
>Natural
> *******
>Twenty.
>The kobolds on the same wall as him jump off to their deaths.
>The kobolds on the other wall hang themselves with their slings as makeshift nooses.
And that's the story of how those characters got to level 4.
User avatar #65 - monkeybrains ONLINE (01/04/2013) [+] (3 replies)
Rogue Trader ends up the same way.

>Last Week
>Family over, couldn't get on till 2 hours later.
>Party is on-world.
>I play perpetually drunken ex-guardsman with a heavy Russian accent that drives the Rhino APC we have and is our only guy with Medical skills.
>They assume my character was passed out, so they leave a note saying where they are.
They're in a firefight with mercenaries. About 25 or so of them, vs 9 players.
>Get on, they wonder how to get me into the game.
>Someone jokingly suggests Kool-Aid man using our Rhino.
>DM: Roll for it.
>Make it, end up bursting through a wall, power sliding through 18 mercenaries, skidding to a halt right in front of the party.
>They do the whole, "OH NO" deal from Family Guy.
>I burst out of the driver's hatch with a bottle of Rotgut screaming in a thick Russian accent, "OH YEEEEEEESSSSS."
>One of the Mercenaries passes out at the sight of 18 of his fellow mercenaries brutally slaughtered by a giant metal box.
>Load up party, outrun Arbites in in a blood coated Rhino and head back to ship.

Back on the ship one guy suggested we remove the Mercenary's Kidney. My character, being drunk and impressionable, did it, because he's the only one who has trained medical experience. That kidney in a jar is now our mascot. Once I get enough insanity points I'm going to start talking to it.
#10 - scooba (01/04/2013) [-]
I like to think my party is more like this one.
#225 - totbros (01/04/2013) [+] (2 replies)
How mine end up...
+19
#93 - divinity **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [+] (4 replies)
#17 - uifilms (01/04/2013) [+] (11 replies)
Story time virgins
So one day I was playing D & D.
Long story short in a dungine fighting a orc king in a long hallway
Made a makeshift fire bomb (molitov) with oil, a bottle, and alcohol.
Throw it
(Anger mode now)
******* CRIT FUMBLED IT
DEALS x2 DAMAGE
WAS IN MIDDLE OF OUR WHOLE TEAM
KILLS ME INSTANTLY
EVERYONE ELSE IS AT -8 OR -9
KING JUST WATCHES AS THEY BURN TO DEATH IN FRONT OF HIM
MFW I KILLED MY WHOLE TEAM AND 7.5 MONTHS OF TIME WASTED
#122 - auesis (01/04/2013) [-]
MFW this entire thread
#6 - tiredofannon ONLINE (01/04/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Every week my D&D group would end in the death of all of our characters after one of us would piss off the DM. "Well, why can't I use the dead guard as a shield?" " **** this quest, lets get drunk in the tavern." "I wanna roll a whore check or is that just streetwise?"
"The dead guard comes back as a zombie, bites you and you ******* die." " **** you all, cave in doing 20d20 damage." "The whore gives you aid and you give it to everyone in the group and you DIE!"

Fun times. Fun times.
#90 - meteorswarm (01/04/2013) [+] (1 reply)
>Pathfinder   
>Fellow player builds crit machine archer   
>Invites me to duel before we begin session   
>am a wizard(no damage output), he thinks he's already won   
>I win initiative, cast sleep   
>coup de gras   
>win, watch him get pissed off
>Pathfinder
>Fellow player builds crit machine archer
>Invites me to duel before we begin session
>am a wizard(no damage output), he thinks he's already won
>I win initiative, cast sleep
>coup de gras
>win, watch him get pissed off
#297 - mycatislookingatme (01/04/2013) [-]
>Be DM
>Friends are having sex with every goddamn quest charecter I give them becuase they keep rolling 20 for charisma checks.
>Get annoyed with one guy who's known for this esp.
>Set an "elf" woman as the lead of the high council in the town of Elanoria.
>He rolls a 20 for seduction roll again
>She takes him up to her room
>Come up with a cunning plan that's more cunning than a fox that's graduated from the Oxford University with a degree in cunning.
>I wrote in that she'd been expermenting with metamorphosis earlier.
>it'satrap.gif
>She penetrates his arse all night long while he's tied to the bed.
>He hasn't touched a quest charecter since.
#94 - xXMattMiguelXx (01/04/2013) [-]
I don't know what's happening in the comments..
#240 - ScruffytheJanitor (01/04/2013) [-]
I was a wizard in one of my cousin's campaigns. I challenged another wizard named Chad by telling him he couldn't reverse time. So, we were trying to reverse time together and I accidently blew up a city.
I was a wizard in one of my cousin's campaigns. I challenged another wizard named Chad by telling him he couldn't reverse time. So, we were trying to reverse time together and I accidently blew up a city.
#101 - grapejuice (01/04/2013) [-]
>3.5   
>Half-Orc Barbarian   
>Just a wall of muscle and stupid   
>Fighting demons   
>Get impaled by retriever   
>Only option is to bite   
>Critically bite it on the eye   
>It dies   
   
MFW
>3.5
>Half-Orc Barbarian
>Just a wall of muscle and stupid
>Fighting demons
>Get impaled by retriever
>Only option is to bite
>Critically bite it on the eye
>It dies

MFW
#61 - durkadurka ONLINE (01/04/2013) [-]
>Implying the ending is a bad thing.
>Implying the ending is a bad thing.
#114 - lordofthenash (01/04/2013) [-]
>DMing AD&D   
>Human Magic User, Gnome Thief and Human Fighter   
>Party finds room coated in blood   
>Bodies everywhere   
>Small hole in the wall   
>Gnome looks in   
>Fighter punts the Gnome down the hole   
>Fighter CE but somehow gains a conscience   
>Jumps in after the Gnome   
>MFW Gnome leaves unscathed and Fighter gets swarmed/eaten by undead
>DMing AD&D
>Human Magic User, Gnome Thief and Human Fighter
>Party finds room coated in blood
>Bodies everywhere
>Small hole in the wall
>Gnome looks in
>Fighter punts the Gnome down the hole
>Fighter CE but somehow gains a conscience
>Jumps in after the Gnome
>MFW Gnome leaves unscathed and Fighter gets swarmed/eaten by undead
#250 - predalien (01/04/2013) [-]
Funniest part of Monty Python to me right ni.
#206 - anonymous (01/04/2013) [+] (1 reply)
In one game we played for 7 hours. During those 7 hours we eradicated a plague in the kingdom, saved 3 PC's from being burned at the stake and rescued the King's son from being possessed by a hate generating demon.

And only then did we tell each other our character's names because we were literally thrown into the game full force.
#216 - xexion (01/04/2013) [+] (2 replies)
My friend's crash course into D&D
C is a enormously fat dwarf barbarian
Ca is a Half-elf Rogue
Neither have ever played.

We were doing this over skype and hadn't yet started but everyone was there when:
C: "Alright I throw my rope around Ca and make him my bitch"
Me: "...I guess we're starting"
I decide to show him the ropes (no pun intended) and make him roll to throw his rope around Ca, he fails miserably
Me: "Okay Ca what are you going to do about that?"
Ca: "I take out my sledge and hit him in the head with it"
************* .jpg
Rolls beautifully and almost knocks C unconscious.
C: "Wait can I berserk?"
Me: "...yea sure why not..."
C berserks and is promptly taken out by guards before any damage can be done. He was then thrown into jail and I threw out all notes I had planned as our merry group ended up breaking into the jail from 3 sides completely unbeknownst to each other. One with a group of bandits, one scaled a wall to go in from the top, and the other through the front door.
Next session I gave the 400 lb dwarf barbarian a babysitter since his only way to deal with problems was "can I bederk?" "yes" BEDERK!!!
And by problems I mean the librarian asking him a question.
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