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#14 - ThpiderMan (01/01/2013) [-]
Either you smell, or no one has any idea what to get you so they get the kind of thing that everyone needs. Or they don't like you much, so they get you some cheap soap, like my rich great-uncle, biggest jackass in the family. He buys half the family 300-500 dollar gifts, and gives others "buy one get one free" extra value coupons for Culvers. He owns 4 Culvers. He basically chooses who gets gifts depending on whether they played sports in high school or not. He always calls me a lazy good-for-nothing, and gives my cousin awesome **** . I've had a full-time job for the last 6 years, and he's failed out of 75% of his college classes, taken him over 5 years to get a 2 year degree. He got a new laptop for Christmas this year, he got me a hershey's cookies and cream bar. He still calls me tubby as a nickname, even though I lost 145 pounds in the last 2 years. What started as me analyzing your gifts reminded my how much I hate that man. Sorry for making it about my problems lol.
#51 to #14 - anonymous (01/01/2013) [-]
master, How could I ever lose weight like you?
User avatar #77 to #51 - ThpiderMan (01/02/2013) [-]
My plan - start at 365 pounds. this was almost exactly two years ago, and I made a resolution to lose weight. I started out by buying an elliptical, running 90 minutes on it at high resistance, and just as importantly, ate healthy. Breakfast usually eggwhites with peppers and some healthy oatmeal, lunch usually a salad, and supper usually a small portion of whatever my roomates were eating, that included things like fast food, I just didn't get the giant value meals and **** , I got a single chicken burrito at taco bell. A McDouble and McDonalds, ****** not good but health is all about moderation. I realize no one will see this because it's gonna expire and you're anon, but whatevs.
User avatar #15 to #14 - MegaAwesomeSauce (01/01/2013) [-]
Your uncle not giving you awesome presents is not a problem by any stretch of the meaning....
User avatar #18 to #15 - ThpiderMan (01/01/2013) [-]
Also, on vacation about 10 years ago he was my ride to the family's annual meal at Godfather's pizza, and he purposefully left me. He laughed and laughed, told me I shoulda stayed home and eaten a salad. I was an 11 year old recovering from sever liver surgery and he treated me, and my older sister to be frank, like **** . He's a bad person, a person who is bitter because he has felt entitled to play in pro baseball because he was on a wheaties box damn near 50 years ago.
#31 to #18 - ocnamesaregone ONLINE (01/01/2013) [-]
You just became one of these persons I like on funnyjunk. Being a great human being and such.

I always had great pleasure feigning appreciation to those I hate and that hates me, it really confuses them and sometimes it changes things up. If they do notice the sarcasm, it's even more satisfying. You should try it.

Anyhow, keep on being awesome, you're being good at it.

User avatar #32 to #31 - ThpiderMan (01/01/2013) [-]
Wow, thanks. Awful Nice of ya. Never know how the internet will react to actual feelings and **** lol.
#17 to #15 - ThpiderMan (01/01/2013) [-]
He's called me tubby since I was 6 and has told me to my face I'd never amount to anything many times.  Thought I made it perfectly clear that he's a dick, not because the presents, it's the way he acts when giving them, it's just how blatant he is about who he cares for.  He wraps my gift in a layer of about 30-40 boxes deep, usually spends 5 times more on the boxing than the gift itself.  It's really weird that his wife is one of the nicest people I know, she just happens to be a gold-digger.  She told my mom she would never have kids with him, and if he went broke she'd leave him because he's such an insufferable ass.  They are a super dysfunctional part of our otherwise happy and agreeable family, and I honestly wouldn't give half a lumpy dog turd if he gave me nothing for christmas and just treated me with a little human dignity.   I told my family I wanted nothing for christmas because we're having a tough time,my dad had a heart attack and had to quit working, and instead to spend the money on my nephews.  It was a good christmas because a bunch of the gifts to them said from me on them, felt pretty damned good.   
   
Long story short, if you're not going to infer meaning from a story and just take it at face value, don't judge people.
He's called me tubby since I was 6 and has told me to my face I'd never amount to anything many times. Thought I made it perfectly clear that he's a dick, not because the presents, it's the way he acts when giving them, it's just how blatant he is about who he cares for. He wraps my gift in a layer of about 30-40 boxes deep, usually spends 5 times more on the boxing than the gift itself. It's really weird that his wife is one of the nicest people I know, she just happens to be a gold-digger. She told my mom she would never have kids with him, and if he went broke she'd leave him because he's such an insufferable ass. They are a super dysfunctional part of our otherwise happy and agreeable family, and I honestly wouldn't give half a lumpy dog turd if he gave me nothing for christmas and just treated me with a little human dignity. I told my family I wanted nothing for christmas because we're having a tough time,my dad had a heart attack and had to quit working, and instead to spend the money on my nephews. It was a good christmas because a bunch of the gifts to them said from me on them, felt pretty damned good.

Long story short, if you're not going to infer meaning from a story and just take it at face value, don't judge people.
#25 to #17 - anonymous (01/01/2013) [-]
That was to detailed to be fake...... I'm going to go cry in my corner now.
User avatar #19 to #17 - MegaAwesomeSauce (01/01/2013) [-]
Wow sorry man, Its just the way you phrased it, it made me think you were a little spoiled but I didn't realise that you really are in a ****** situation. I really shouldn't of said that after barely hearing any of your story... But yeah, **** your uncle and send him a dog **** mixed with off eggs in a brown bag next year for Christmas or something, it would be awesome
User avatar #21 to #19 - ThpiderMan (01/01/2013) [-]
No prob, I wasn't gonna be the typically overly-aggressive jackass and call you a ****** or whatever the standard protocal for this situation is, just figured I'd try to really nail in how much I hate this man. I don't go to that side of the family's christmas's anymore, last year I lit his box on fire before even looking inside. He, honest to god, gave me a light-up bouncy ball you win from chuck e. cheese. He's hated me since I was little, never understood it, just kind of reciprocated the hate. Oh well, got plenty of family members that aren't douches, so soldier on and whatnot.
User avatar #30 to #21 - dragostarc (01/01/2013) [-]
Rotten eggs and bricks make wonderful revenge presents, just letting you know.
User avatar #22 to #21 - MegaAwesomeSauce (01/01/2013) [-]
Wow what a dick. Anyway yeah soz for the dickery that I incurred on you earlier and good luck with other non douchey family members :D
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