Retarded costumers 4:
Pray She Hasn' t Got A Cat Called Tom
Customer: “r want a hamster)"
Me: "Do you have bedding, a cage, and food?"
Customer: “r need all that stuff?“
Me: “where did you think he would live?“
Customer: ‘completely secius. “r though I would just feed
them cheese and have them live In the hole In my wall we In
More Than Mildly Confused
s we l on we twee
Me: “can I help you?"
Customer: “yes, Pd we to buy some sausages."
Me: “okay. we have about 15 different kinds, so which would
Customer: “what' s the difference between the mild, medium,
Me: 'You mean In the price?"
Customer: we In flavor.
Me: "Une is mild, one is medium, and one is hot."
Customer: “so, which is the hottest?"
Customer: “. and the mild is hotter than medium?"
Me: we The mild is the least hot, the medium is a bit hotter
than that, and the hot has the most pepper."
Customer: “so the mild is mild?“
Remote Possibilities Are A Waste of Time
l w teem
Customer: "My cable box is broken."
Me: “what seems to be the Issue?"
Customer: "Roughly every 1 manute the channel goes up. I
tried turning It off and on, [tried unplugging It, I made sure
no one was slating on the remote, nothong works, you guys
gave me a broken boxe"
Me: “what does It currently show on the front of the box slr?"
Customer: “channel 932.“
Me: "And what tlmb is It slr?"
Customer: “em. Uh." "hangs up"
Me: wow can I help you, ma' am?“
Customer: "My daughter' s passport photo was just rejected."
Me: " she take It here?"
Customer: we It was taken at [other ].“
Me: “what can we do for you then?"
Customer: "It needs to be retaking“
Me: “well, If you would we to have your daughter come In
we will be happy to take It for her."
Customer: “she has to be here?"
Canada: America' s Hat, Part 2
BOOKS we l eds on ye use
Me: we can I help you?"
Customer: “you' got an accent."
Me: “yeah, we heard that. I' m not from here."
Customer: “you' re American?"
Me: “yeah, I' m from upstate New York."
Customer: "But American, raght? you' got a visa? you need
one to work here?"
Me: we I dont have a visa”
Customer: "Holy you' re illegal? They know you' re
Me: "Pm not illegal. I' m from upstate New york, near
Customer: “oh, If you' re from Canada, you' re not really
illegal then. Canada: we America, just different. Welcome to
our country. I' m looking for a book. you probably only read
books In Canadian, but I can help you with the language and
you can find me a book here."
New Years Resolution: Get A Brain
Customer: “what are your hours for New Years?"
Me: “we will be closing at ppm on New year' s Eve."
Customer: "Do you have somethang with those times on It?"
Me: w you go over to the bulletin board by the door there is
a sign with the hours."
Customer: "This sign says December an but nothong about
New year' s Evel"
Me: “yes ma' am, New year' s Eve is December an
Customer: “that' s not righte [asked for the hours on New
year' s eve, and now you' re tryong to track me by grelng me
the hours for December "
Me: we new year' s Eve is just the name of the hoilday that
occurs on December 31."
Customer: "I dont understand."
Me: were look at the calendar. see, If you look at December
an It says ‘Holiday: New year' s even“
Customer: “what is this? I dont want any part of your liberal
Repetition Is The Mother of Stupidity
seem l new err w
1 am serving we cream on the beach.)
Me: "Hello, what would you we?“
Customer: wave you got any icecream icecream?“
Me: we but we do have icecream icecream icecream M
Customer: “oh, really? that' s exactly what I was looking
All In A Muggle
Lem/ \ we also L use
The entrance to the a sliding glass door. A man
staring at the doorway looking forlorn as Cm working the
reception desk. g
Me: “can I help you, slr?"
Customer: "shouting" “yeah, I' m here to make a deliverys“
Me: 'You can just drop It off with me, sir.“
Customer: ‘still shouting' "But how do I get In?"
Me: “the door' s open."
Customer: "But where' s the door?"
Me: "It' s raght In front of you. its open M
Customer: “okay, its unlocked, but how do I open It?"
Me: "Just step forward)"
He cautiously puts Ms hands up and slowly walks through the
open doorway, and / les like he Just found the entrance to
The Tenth Circle Is Stupidity
v Den newts we l mu r M use
A customer looks at our new game Inferno.)
Customer: “rs this, we about Dante from Devil May Cty?"
Me: we it' s based off the poems."
Me: "It' s was origanally a series of poems. The DIVINE
Customer: “so, its a book?"
Me: we its a game based off the poems from the DIVINE
Customer: “what? so its a game then? What the heck is a
Out of This World Prices
ewe \ s we l see ewe e CA use
Customer: “r need your assistance with these lights here. Do
just plug these Into the dirt?"
Me: "Theyre solar powered, so you stick them Into your lawn
and they' ll charge during the day so they can shane during the
evening. Right now they' re on clearance for . 95.“
Customer: wow many batteries ml I have to buy? I always
get thangs we this on sale and then you track me because I
have to buy batteries.“
Me: "Theyre solar powered.“
Customer: "Must want to know how many batteries I need."
Me: “well these particular lights only need one battery. its
big and yellow and floats In the sky. rte called the Sun."
custome “never mind, then. That sounds awfully
Customer: “til, Pd we some of your free mcfries.“
Customer: “r heard on your commercial that you were
offering free mcfries.“
Me: “oh, you must have misunderstood. It means we offer
free wireless Internet here, not free fries."
custome “oh man, I was looking forward to tryong a new
kind of fry."
It' s Also A Trip
eds on Ct l he renews
Me: “--- Post office, can I help you?"
Customer: "I would we to get code address."
Me: “sir, we dont have an actual address for God."
Customer: "But how can you know where to deilver letters to
God without an address?"
Me: “we deilver them to the church down the street."
Customer: “so you are telling me you dont actually deilver
the letters to God himself?“
Customer: “r cannot beileve you he to all these people and
deilver those letters to some crappy churchil [need my letter
to be delevered to God [hate you?
Me: “r am very sorry, sir. gguess you' ll have to go deilver
the letter yourself. But look on the bright side, It saves you a
Customer: “yeah, I guess so." _
am; like. uh : whole but. like h you give me thumbs i
will totally whore mysefl to you
i kid. i denture. just like this Website: Mal@
for all of you who think i actually talk we that its we howl