Ask Dr Ozzy

donut him on -
was stolen - from my landlord. New
Inge stupidly told my landlord 'ttf"
errthing, and I' m worried my new?‘
bor' s going to kill me for being a
snitch. What the fuck do I do'?
Jeff, New Jersey
ANSWER: This one' s easy. Lift up your
right leg and put it in front of your
left leg. Then lift up your left leg and
1 put it in front of your right leg. Re-
l 1 peat as fast as you fucking can, until
you' re very far away. Then use the
dough you saved on the cheap weed 1
for plastic surgery. Good luck. V
M QUESTION: My friend takes a shit In
the ocean whenever we go surfing,
even though he knows I find It dis-
gusting. How can I get him to stop?
Megan, California
ANSWER'.' Let' s face it, we' all
1 dropped a sea biscuit. But it' s usually
an emergency situation. if your mate' s
l doing it every time you get in the
water. he' s obviously winding you up
l So wait until a day when you' had a
H heavy, boozy lunch, swim out in front
of him, then open your torpedo hatch
and fire away, with any luck, he' ll get
right in the chops. If that
doesn' t teach him, nothing will,
f L QUESTION: Pm a virgin
l I and have what appears to be acne
on my penis. For the love of God,
I please tell me this is normal.
I] -Corey, Ohio
ANSWER: I was trying to eat when
I read this question, and new I' m
thinking about teenage mutant
fullfilled dick pimples, so thanks
very fucking much for sharing. Yes,
acne on your overarmed bandit is nor-
mal at your age (your dick' s covered
in skin, in case you hadn' t no-
diced). And yes, it' ll get better.
If it doesn' t, go to a doctor who
ain' t called Ozzy.