I hate my friend.. i love you but scroll slower. my friend sends these every now and then.. 11 Dec 201211: 17 Someone offers you fll million, but you have to pu
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I hate my friend.

i love you but scroll slower. my friend sends these every now and then.

11 Dec 201211: 17
Someone offers you fll
million, but you have to
punch a baby in the face.
Also, they tell you it' s an
evil baby. It' s got big thick
eyebrows and a frown. Do
you do it?
23 Nov 2012 13: 42
You know how normally,
when you fart, your own
farts don' t smell bad to
you? I just did a fart so
bad it made me cough
17 Nov 201212: 20
Sometimes while peeing
I' ll go hands free, put my
arms up by my chest and
make claw hands, and
pretend I' m a new type of
dinosaur called
Dickasaurus Rex
I read a tip a while back
about how if you need to
get a poo out, don' t push
real hard. Instead, just
rock back and forth on the
seat. Or try coughing. This
has changed my life. Both
of those things work
perfectly. Rocking back
and forth cradles the poo
out. Coughing, for some
reason, looses your anus
for a second. My pooping
experience has been
so Aug 2012 16: 59
There comes a time In
your last 2 weeks of work
when you just say " **** it"
and change your email
signature to a picture of a
roaring grizzly bear
31 Jul 2012 14: 54
I' m so tired, I' m having
crazy thoughts. I just had
dialogue with 6. The
number 6. I was doing
some multiplication and in
my head I was saying, "6,
why are you so
unpredictable? Why are
you doing this to me?"
and I then thought, "6 isn' t
so bad, at least she' s got
round edges, unlike 7."
I want to create a virus for
the iphone where if you try
to dial a phone number
there are no numbers, just
a large M, and if you dial
that M, you get through to
someone who picks up
and says, "MONKEY
SPEAKING". Imagine that
the only calls you can
make are to dial M for
Monkey ,
19 Jul 2012 13: 57
I' m working out right now.
I' m exercising my eyebrow
muscles by raising them
high. Try it. You' ll be
14 Jul 2012 13: 55
Imagine playing bagpipes
on the bag of a dragon
I love how during WWY
when everyone was
fighting everyone else,
Spain was just like " ****
you guys, we' re fighting
ourselves" and then loads
of Russians, Americans,
British, Italians, French
and German Inners just
joined to whichever side
and fought like hell. It was
like the hipster war of last
14 Jul 2012 12: 24
What if... black hitler?
I just googled "how to give
someone ennui" and there
were no results
I hope you get human
13 Jul 2012 16: 46
Imagine if you were
squeezing out a hard one,
and you sneezed. You
slam your body forward to
sneeze and your balls
swing backward. Your
poop squeezes out
simultaneously and
suddenly! Oh no. It has
happened. Your soft poop
caught your balls in the
beckoning. Imagine that
Chris. You' re an
imaginery. Imagine this
2012 15: 24
I just put my balls on my
phone, and if you asked
me why I did that, I really
wouldn' t be able to give
you an answer.
How long does it take to
**** your own body
weight? Assuming you
weigh 150 lbs, and you
poo .75 pounds a day, that
means that you **** your
own entire body weight
around once every 200
days. Imagine that Chris.
Imagine a big pile of poop,
the size of you, coming
out of your arse once or
twice a year.
2012 11: 23
Ages ago I forgot the word
put". I couldn' t work out
how it sounded, what it
meant, what context it was
used in. I Googled it and
was perplexed at my
findings - it was like
someone had muck a
word into my language
without my knowledge. I' m
still not confident in using
it and I think it should be
pronounced "pom", like
loot". Why did my brain
forget a word?
28 Jun : 27
You know how in
Schindler' s List, they all
just spoke English but with
a German accent? is that
what Germans do when
Germans make films set in
England? Just have a
bunch of Germans
speaking German with an
English accent? ,
25 Jun :
Somewhere, someone is
having their eyes gouged
25 Jun 2012 08: 36
There' s a fruit smoothie in
the kitchen with your name
on it.
P. S. it doesn' t actually
have your name on it... it' s
just a plain glass. It' s the
plain glass with smoothie
in it. It' s in plain sight. It' d
be hard to miss it. If you
missed it, I' ll send you
further directions.
7 May 201215: 02
On a coach from 2
to - about 20
miles outside of
recognised a very nice
portion of meandering
river and grassy banks.
Then I realised, that if I' d
been taken this journey 2
years ago, I' d have seen
myself getting a ******* in
a canoe
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Favorited: 1165
Submitted: 12/18/2012
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User avatar #341 - crazycody (02/01/2014) [-]
Has he ever left you more
#339 - anonymous (10/08/2013) [-]
he has to have left you more we want more
#327 - xgrandmoffx (12/19/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #335 to #327 - sonicguy (12/23/2012) [-]
#326 - loveyameanish (12/19/2012) [-]
I genuinely laughed at these until I could no longer breathe and no noise other than a high pitched squeal came out.    
Good job.
I genuinely laughed at these until I could no longer breathe and no noise other than a high pitched squeal came out.

Good job.
#325 - mowgaycraft ONLINE (12/19/2012) [-]
How can you hate him if there's a fruit smoothie with your name on it in the kitchen? Damn maybe the bad friend here is you!
How can you hate him if there's a fruit smoothie with your name on it in the kitchen? Damn maybe the bad friend here is you!
User avatar #324 - sniffalot (12/19/2012) [-]
Does the poop thing actually work?
#322 - anonymous (12/19/2012) [-]
they can hear, and see what your visually thinking
this is the absolute complete truth!!!!!
The reason a lot of Asians have completely expressionless faces, segregate from everybody else-only associate with Asians and don’t associate with non Asians that much, are very untalkative, and are very unfriendly in general is to avoid accidentally revealing that they can read minds by accidentally showing a facial expression or dirty look when someone thinks, or visually pictures something in their mind they don’t like, find astonishing, or funny etc because those people might see that and really wonder what that was that just happened there and see the connection, and they might accidentally say something similar to what the person was just thinking and going to say. If they all associated with non Asians a lot more then there would be a lot more people around for them to accidentally show facial expressions when those people think things they don’t like etc, so they segregate and only associate with Asians so there won’t be anyone around for them to see that and have any accidents happen in the first place.
Try thinking, best yet visually picturing in your mind something absolutely wild as you possibly can when you are around Asians, and try looking for Asians who give people particular looks, especially dirty looks for what appears to be for completely no reason.

I know this may sound crazy, impossible and unbelievable, BUT IT ISN’T CRAZY WHEN IT’S TRUE
#321 - anonymous (12/19/2012) [-]
Guess he take this screenshot by using iPhone 10 : P
#320 - stepsword (12/19/2012) [-]
Saw this on imgur two days ago. Just saying, hope you're the same OP
#318 - sirbustyabals (12/19/2012) [-]
My name is Chris
My name is Chris
User avatar #313 - sandnigglets (12/19/2012) [-]
the poop tips. . do those really work?
#323 to #313 - spanishninja ONLINE (12/19/2012) [-]
coughing works perfectly.
User avatar #331 to #323 - aliigoesrawrr (12/19/2012) [-]
So does the rocking.
#312 - anonymous (12/19/2012) [-]
**** your friend is awesome!
#311 - anonymous (12/19/2012) [-]
Apparently I've been doing the cradling thing for years and just now I figure out that it helps. Next thing I know taking off your shirt is gonna help as well
User avatar #332 to #311 - aliigoesrawrr (12/19/2012) [-]
It apparently does, or makes it somehow easier and more enjoyable, as you don't feel as restrained during it.
User avatar #310 - LetsKillFrance (12/19/2012) [-]
It's one thing to repost, but another to claim it as your own. Unless you posted this on reddit yesterday, you're a ******* liar. If that was you, then I apologize.
#308 - anonymous (12/19/2012) [-]
I'm gonna try that poop thing...
#307 - wandoctor (12/19/2012) [-]
You're friend is very interesting, why don't you try texting him back you ******* douche.

that was sarcasm btw, I realize this isn't real
#304 - mattisdhabest (12/19/2012) [-]
This was a damn good post

pic related
#305 to #304 - doctorlean **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #333 to #305 - senseofpurpose (12/20/2012) [-]
>implying autistics use speedhacks
#334 to #333 - doctorlean **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
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