I was driving en Beach Boulevard behind an ancient guy in
a beat up tnick:
He decides to turn in front of me without a blinker.
I accelerate to swerve and avoid him, and this,
woman Jumps in front of my carwash her
She proceeds to yell in my window, "Hey, slow down we
idiot!" I' m a , mellow guy by nature, I ignore
As I drive away, she yells, ". at me again. Twice? I
tum around and drive up next to her.
Do we have a prollem?" lash:
Yeah, why are yne driving like an idiot?"
l was driving like an idiot? How, exactly.‘
You were speeding. I watched you."
You were? I see. How did we measure my speed?" [Ever
l heard you."
So, yne measured my speed by ear?"
l can hear."
How fast did we HEAR me going?"
Look" she says, "I don' t have to take this. Here comes a
cop. I' ll wave him dawn.‘
THE POLICE? This inman is a trip. She waves him down,
and preceeds to tell him that she observed me speeding.
What happened?" he asks. him the story, and told
him that I accelerated to an indicated 33 mph [the speed
limit is 35} to avoid a collision.
Are those mufflers legal?" Ethel asks.
She' s pushing it. I reply, "l have a C. A. ll. B. exemption for
them." I give the paperwork's the cop.
She tries to find anither thing to screw me with. She
says "What about those big tires? They CAN' T be legal.‘ I
began feeling little overheated gears in the back of my
head start to turn.
These tires were available en the 1970 Boss 429, "l told
the cop," Which makes them street legal as a
Ethel gets angry. She whines, "So ynu' re net going to
give out any tickets to this 'r'""""'?"
The cop says, "No, I am not."
I' about had it. So I say, "Sir, this woman told we
that she left the street at the cemen, and she met up
with my car here. According to Title 39, pedestrians
have to cmas the street at a right angle. This inman
admitted she creased at a angle, which is a
What?" The cop looks cinfused.
Also, she told we that she walked in frend of my car
to stop me. A citizen can' t detain sameone without
probable cause, under Terry v. Ohio tmy new favorite
case). Since she couldn' t measure my speed, she had
M probable cause to detain me. That is an indictable
The cop says, "But, I didn' t see any of this."
But," I said, "l did, and, as an officer of the Court, I can
demand her arrest. I' ll agree to dismiss the Illegal
Detention charge, but leant her cited for not cussing at
a right angle and Hazardous Conduct on a Public Street.‘
The cop called his Lieutenant, and after the cop told the
story, he authorized the summonses.
She went home with . 09 we rth of traffic tickets, and
they are worth a total of four points against her license,
as well as the appropriate insurance surcharge!