Home Funny Pictures YouTube Funny Videos Funny GIFs Text/Links Channels Search
Anonymous commenting is allowed
User avatar #94 - mushizombie (11/26/2012) [-]
30 Hours Prior to Outbreak
There exists in this world a spider the size of a dinner plate, a foot wide if you include the legs. It’s called the Goliath Bird-Eating Spider, or the “Goliath ******* Bird-Eating Spider” by those who have actually seen one.
It doesn’t eat only birds—it mostly eats rats and insects—but they still call it the “Bird-Eating Spider” because the fact that it can eat a bird is the most important thing you need to know about it. If you run across one of these things, like in your closet or crawling out of your bowl of soup, the first thing somebody will say is, “Watch it, man, that thing can eat a goddamned bird.”
User avatar #95 to #94 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
I don’t know how they catch the birds. I know the Goliath ******* Bird-Eating Spider can’t fly because if it could, it would have a different name entirely. We would call it “sir” because it would be the dominant species on the planet. None of us would leave the house unless a Goliath ******* Flying Bird-Eating Spider said it was okay.
I’ve seen one of those things in person, at a zoo when I was in high school. I was fifteen, my face breaking out in acne and getting fatter by the day, staring open-mouthed at this monster pawing at the glass wall of its cage. Big as both of my hands. The guys around me were giggling and punching each other in the arm and some girl was squealing behind me.
User avatar #96 to #95 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
But I didn’t make a sound. I couldn’t. There was nothing but a pane of glass between me and that thing. For months after, I’d watch the dark corners of my bedroom at night, for hairy legs as thick as a finger poking out from behind a stack of comic books and video game magazines. I imagined—no, expected—to find strands of spiderweb as thick as fishing line in my closet, bulging with clumps of half-eaten sparrows. Or spider droppings in my shoes, the little turds laced with bits of feather. Or piles of pink eggs, yolked with baby spiders already the size of golf balls. And even now, ten years later and at the age of twenty-five, I still glance between the sheets at night before pushing my legs in, some part of my subconscious still looking for the huge spider crouching in the shadows.
I bring this up because the Goliath was the first thing that popped into my mind when I woke up with something in my bed, biting my leg.
Comment has been flagged   Hide Hide All +Fav (0) Reply +7
#106 to #96 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
Flagged Comment Picture
This image was flagged 01/12/2014
User avatar #105 to #96 - fyffynthoth (11/27/2012) [-]
That's ******* terrifying.
User avatar #104 to #96 - stillanonymous (11/27/2012) [-]
**** ***** , what was it then?
#108 to #104 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
it was a centipede, monster crabish thing the size of a small dog, that lays eggs in people and controls them from the inside.
it was a centipede, monster crabish thing the size of a small dog, that lays eggs in people and controls them from the inside.
#164 to #108 - greenthegunstar (11/27/2012) [-]
You think a ******* centipede is better than a spider!? OH LAWD I'd **** myself.
User avatar #193 to #164 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
its not really a ***** or a centipede D: its hard to explain. i mean the thing has tons of legs and a human tongue D:
User avatar #111 to #108 - stillanonymous (11/27/2012) [-]
******* hate those little ***** . killed one in my bed the other day too. always check before sleep. always.
#112 to #111 - mushizombie (11/27/2012) [-]
yeah seriously. those bastards are nasty D:
yeah seriously. those bastards are nasty D:

0
#103 to #96 - mushizombie has deleted their comment [-]
 Friends (0)