Dear Mr. President,
I' m planning to move my family and extended family into Mexico for
my health, and I would like to ask you to assist me. We' re planning to simply walk
across the border from the U. S. into Mexico, and we' ll need your help to make a
few arrangements. We plan to skip all the legal snufflier visas, passports,
immigration quota and laws. I' m sure they handle those things the same way you
do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Calderon, that I' m on
my way over’?
Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:
1. Free medical care for my entire family.
2. English speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need,
whether I use them or not.
3. Please pring all Mexican government forms in English.
4. I want my grandkids to be taught Spanish by English speaking (trilingual)
5. Tell their schools they need to include classes on American culture and
S. I want my grandkids to see the American flag on one of the flag poles at their
I Please plan to feed my grandkids at school for both breakfast and lunch.
I will need a local Mexican driver' s license so I can get easy access to
S. I do plan to get a car and drive in Mexico but I don' t plan to purchase car
insurance, and I probably won' t make any special effort to learn local traffic laws.
10. In case one ofthe Mexican police officers does not get the memo from their
president to leave me alone, please be sure that every patrol car has at least one
English speaking officer.
11. I plan to fly the U. S. flag from my house top, put U. S. flag decals on my car,
and have a gigantic celebration on July tth. I do not want any complaints or
negative comments from the locals.
12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, or have any
labor or tax laws enforced on any business I may start.
13. Please have the president tell all the Mexican people to be extremely nice and
never say critical things about me or my family, or about the strain we might
place on their economy...
14. I want to recieve free food stamps.
15. Naturally, I' ll expect free rent subsidies.
16. I' ll need Income tax credits so although I don' t pay Mexican Taxes, i' ll recieve
money from the government.
17. Please arrange it so the Mexican Government pays , 500 to help me buy a
me a new car.
lil. Oh yes, I almost forgot, please enroll me free into the Mexican Social Security
program so that I' ll get a monthly income in retirement.
I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all his
people who walk over to the U. S. from Mexico. I am sure that President Calderon
won' t mind returning the favor ifyou ask him nicely.
Thank you so much for you kind help. " You' re the manly"