Go on, secede. From Keith Olbermann, a satire letter. Enjoy. e attepmt' Dear Texas: I have received your petition to secede from the United mates and have forwa texas obama secession anal sex
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Go on, secede. From Keith Olbermann, a satire letter. Enjoy. e attepmt' Dear Texas: I have received your petition to secede from the United mates and have forwa

From Keith Olbermann, a satire letter. Enjoy

e attepmt'
Dear Texas:
I have received your petition to secede from the United mates and have forwarded
it to Congress who will an on it with their usual speed.
Alt military bases in Texas win he tiered and l' e! . sated lo has es in the
United States, except for it loin: to guard the Texasfags Herder.
Arty Twas citizen holding a TJS passport is ' ed to .
Entry into the US airi] ' ' e a valid Texas passport. Anyone ' than
we week: will have to certain a visa.
Emile; for highways, , bridges, ' , education and
medical facilities will re an ., to the US Congress
are ordered to have as soon as possible. All Atl licenses to do
are 1' . reaized.
The FAA will no longer operate at your airport: and air trams: , are
state& An Federal Civil Berated employees in the country of Texas are
terminated.
The FCC no longer so you will be responsible In Hedda your on
teleplay's, radio, and Internet providers.
Anyone payments for Social Security. , Medicaid and
Disability will have to reapply and Congress will deride ' elop" n' t are
allowed to receive payments Erna: the US .
The Coast Guard will no longer operate in Texas waters so suggest you form
your out navy Immediately to protect your borders against foreign invaders,
drug smugglers. terrorist: and alliens.
Gobed HER.
your portion of the bill: for the debt.
...
+330
Views: 16225 Submitted: 11/16/2012
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[ 110 comments ]
> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#35 - esmebuffay
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
It seems he learned handwriting from a doctor.
User avatar #38 to #35 - malinko
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
turn it on its side, it looks like a penis ejactulating
#40 to #38 - fuckyousuckmydick
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
jesus ******* christ...
#94 to #38 - vincentvega
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #14 - Gamby
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
No research was done. what.so.ever. New age know it all faggotry
#45 - darklit
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
no lie how funny would it be to hear on the new "Earlier today Texas seceded from the U.S, and immediately war broke out against Mexico"
no lie how funny would it be to hear on the new "Earlier today Texas seceded from the U.S, and immediately war broke out against Mexico"
User avatar #86 to #45 - blackcomet
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I think it would be funny that I wake up one day and have no internet. My only source for accidentally hearing about politics.
User avatar #55 - xxsleepxx
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
What annoys me the most is that people have actually tried to make this petitions work... The main reason is because Obama was re-elected president. Yea Obama got elected, get over it. Try again next four years.

Opinion: In all honesty, this sort of makes me believe Obama is the better choice. Not sure i trust people who, after losing, immediately resort to seceding.
User avatar #6 - dharkmoswen
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
You know what I see here? A rediculous ammount of job openings. And do you REALLY think that Texans in the military aren't going to go back home and BE the Texas military? Not like Texans need a military anyway. (Rednecks + guns = closed borders and reduced crime) The Texas economy is in the top 15 of the world, and the US would have to INVADE to take the Texas-owned military supplies (such as bases, missiles, etc.) Texas also has the MOST usable farmland in the country. There are multiple locally owned stations, and phone/internet companies in the state.

There we have it: Government, military, food, import/export, and communication. As well as a formidable reputation. It's possible, likely, and I hope to god it happens.
#8 to #6 - anon id: fc9dd2c8
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
I'm not sure how being called a bunch of rednecks qualifies as having a formidable reputation.
User avatar #9 to #8 - dharkmoswen
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
Would you rather get into a bar fight with a new yorker cabbie who drives around eating fast food all day (what people outside the country see the typical american as).... or the redneck that wrestles bulls and can shoot the cap off of a beer from 100 yards? (what people outside the country see a typical texan as)

Btw, both of these descriptions were told to me by my german friend.
#13 to #9 - anon id: efc85599
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
It doesn't ******* matter what the stereotypical descriptors are. It doesn't make everyone in Texas a lone ranger cowboy, capable of defending themselves from anything and anyone. It's not like every single citizen of both countries are going to be active participants in this all-out war. It's going to be the world's greatest military versus whatever Texas can shamble together that wasn't reclaimed, if Texas wanted to really start something. If they won't be a state, we'll just make them a colony like Puerto Rico after we've conquered them again, and maybe one day they can get their big boy privileges back.

And all that self-sustainability you were talking about is ********. You wouldn't be able to generate the same capital as the US because you don't get international trade like the US. You get its leftovers, with whatever we let you take. That means you have to settle for limited economic privileges until you can afford a demographic transition. I'd love to see you try it - it'd be a nice change of pace from bombing the middle east to blasting uppity hicks.
User avatar #105 to #13 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
So... Texas has a better economy by itself than New Zealand. They live pretty damn well. Just because a country doesn't make AS MUCH money as another country doesn't mean it would be worse. The president of the US has HOW MANY personal jets/cars/boats? I bet you the Governor of Texas has a LOT less (taking in comparison due to pay difference) The militia that Texas could "shamble together" I can guarantee you would be more effective than the portion of the US military that would be WILLING to fight against it. And as far as "it's not like every single citizen of both countries are going to be active participants in this war" goes, You're right in that by FAR! Current studies show that around the country, less than 8% of citizens (not including Texas) would be willing and able to fight in a home defense war. In Texas, however, just over 70 (something) % of people not only would be willing to fight, but would be able to as well. Considering also the fact that the US military would not allow citizens to invade another country, that leaves ONLY the non-texan military that 1) does not have family in Texas, 2) was not born in /is from texas, and 3) is not overseas already... You're looking at a larger fighting force in Texas than the coastal US military...

Btw... you can argue all you want about the US vs TX capital, but until you have a degree in economics like myself, I don't want to hear it.
#10 to #9 - furrynomous
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has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #20 to #9 - swaggerwagon
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
well, i'm a brit and those are not the stereotypes i know. a new yorker i see as an average guys that just about knows a bit of everything really, he's not special in any way. He just is an average guy with a weird accent. a texan however, my stereotype of those guys are ******* morons that don't know the difference between a condom and their cousin. i'm afraid to say this is what probably quite a few brits see but its kinda true. i would rather fight the texan. if he's a moron i have a better chance.
User avatar #26 to #20 - myrtille
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I'll tell ya what
I live right north of Texas in Oklahoma, and we have a lot of the same principles. I've been to Texas many times, and not only does Texas have some of the top research centers, America won independence from Britain from using regular citizens with guns, and to hell with everyone if they think Texas wouldn't be able to get along on their own. We have southern hospitality, we ARE smart, and we ARE tough.
My uncle works breaking horses every day while he was undergoing chemo and got right back on the horse after breaking 5 of his ribs from a fall. That is probably 90% of us.
We know how to work, and work hard, for the best of everybody.
Us southern countries could do it. We really could.
User avatar #28 to #26 - swaggerwagon
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(11/17/2012) [-]
i'm not saying you can't i'm just trying to give an idea of what brits normally think, i mean, i don't cus i speak to people from texas all the time but before i found the internet, that's just what i thought.
User avatar #33 to #28 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
That's acceptable
Just makes me mad when people think that we're all stupid when we're not
We're smart and most of us still know how to go out and shoot our dinner for the night, even in the cities.
Heck, I live 20mins south of OKC and yeah, there are city folks who don't know a rodeo from "running around on a horse", but there are people who do. My stepdad goes hunting all the time. Sits up in the trees for hours waiting for bucks.

I'm proud to be from the south. I love country music and I love my flat, noisy, drunk state with guns everywhere and deer heads hung up on the walls. I absolutely adore it.
#115 to #33 - swaggerwagon
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(11/17/2012) [-]
good for you man, you should always be proud of your roots.    
   
gotta say though, when i was reading that, all i could think of was AJ If you're into that show or whatever...
good for you man, you should always be proud of your roots.

gotta say though, when i was reading that, all i could think of was AJ If you're into that show or whatever...
User avatar #116 to #115 - myrtille
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
AJ is my third favorite. :D
Luna, Pinkie, then AJ
User avatar #123 to #116 - swaggerwagon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/18/2012) [-]
oh nice! mine's RD, pinkie, then AJ.
User avatar #27 to #26 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
States*
Not countries.
I doubt we will secede, but if we do, we could make it and prosper.
#12 to #6 - anon id: a01cae93
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
>( (Rednecks + guns = closed borders and reduced crime)

haha That is the best piece of ******** I've ever read.
>implying that hate crimes would go down.
Racism is still a thing here in Texas and I don't exactly feel comfortable with a bunch of rednecks protecting my Hispanic ass.
User avatar #18 to #12 - TidusSloan
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Racism is still a thing everywhere
#32 to #18 - freeyourmind
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
because republicans still exist
User avatar #109 to #32 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Because Democracy still exists.
User avatar #59 to #32 - vangoz
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(11/17/2012) [-]
Racism lies on both party lines saying one is entirely responsible is narrow minded and childish seeing as both parties at some point in time fought against or where involved in race related issues.
User avatar #108 to #12 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Actually, I agree with part of that. Hate crimes probably WOULD go up as well as rioting, looting, and the like. I should have clarified, but with the way the Texas government is, after the first few months or so, there would be a major decrease in CERTAIN crimes. Sadly, race-based crimes would probably not be one of those. If you consider though a 5% increase of hate crime with a 50% decrease in other crimes is still considered a 45% decrease in crime. Btw... those numbers are just examples...
#31 to #6 - freeyourmind
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
lol u should go to college then u would see the error of your ways u stumb redneck
User avatar #106 to #31 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I have a degree in Economics and a Bachelors in Education with a focus on Secondary Learning. Next?
#30 to #6 - cptdisneyland
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
If Texas was to secede the military equipment and what not on bases would go back to the USA because they you know, OWN IT ALL.

It's like saying you move out from your parents house, but your parents get to keep everything you can't carryout
User avatar #107 to #30 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Yeah, but it's also considered "federal" property. Like if you and your parents each put down half on a nice TV, then you moved out. They'd still keep the TV (unless they were cool as hell parents)
#119 to #107 - cptdisneyland
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/18/2012) [-]
So your response tells me you agree with me, or misinterpereted your own thoughts as you typed. because by your logic Texas is the kid moving out, and the parents (USA) get to keep the TV (Weapons, cars, supplies, trade rights, etc etc)
User avatar #121 to #119 - dharkmoswen
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(11/18/2012) [-]
By law, yes. By practice? I don't think Texas will give up it's weapons so easily.
#122 to #121 - cptdisneyland
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/18/2012) [-]
They' have no choice, if Texas wishes to keep american military equipment, personnel, etc; trade agreements, etc etc. basically anything done by the feds, there is a word for that. In the US they're called states, in Canada provinces, etc etc.    
That and if Texas tried to ignore the legal boundaries and procedures then the odds of them being recognized as an entity separate from the US by other Nations is exceedingly slim to none.   
   
On a separate note, a warm thanks to you for not being butthurt and making valid, if short arguments/ thoughts
They' have no choice, if Texas wishes to keep american military equipment, personnel, etc; trade agreements, etc etc. basically anything done by the feds, there is a word for that. In the US they're called states, in Canada provinces, etc etc.
That and if Texas tried to ignore the legal boundaries and procedures then the odds of them being recognized as an entity separate from the US by other Nations is exceedingly slim to none.

On a separate note, a warm thanks to you for not being butthurt and making valid, if short arguments/ thoughts
User avatar #124 to #122 - dharkmoswen
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/19/2012) [-]
You are very welcome! We all have our opinions and everyone is welcome to have their own, imo. And the reason they are short is because I have a bad habit of rambling on and on and on, so I cut myself short rather than lose my conversational partner's attention.

As far as legalities, in case of a secession, there aren't really any standards to go through with this. US Military personnel in TX would typically be Texas citizens anyway, wouldn't they? So the question of whether they would be sent to Texas or stay a part of the US would be my question at that point. Good point about the keeping equipment though. I honestly had not thought about that.
#80 - Wingz
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Realistically, Texas could secede tomorrow and surpass saudi arabia in less than a decade as far as wealth through resources and oil production. Easily. Its already the 15th largest economy in the world, the fed would be screwed having one of the only productive states leave to not support social welfare for the entire nation and paying all the desks created in washington
User avatar #7 - natedizzie
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(11/16/2012) [-]
I guess they didn't know that states pay for roads and bridges and buildings not federal.
Thats why there is a tax on gas to pay for the roads you drive on. and if Texas is their own government why would they care about licenses they will just reinstate all those that the US government fired as their own.
#29 to #7 - cptdisneyland
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(11/17/2012) [-]
It's actually mixed, there are signs that tell you the portions the federal, state, and municipal governments payed
#68 - SpaceZombie
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Okay people. The following is why Texas should secede:

When I was younger, I lived in Texas. It was my parents, my older brother, and myself (and later two younger brothers). We had a maid/nanny and a gardener. The gardener was bitten by a black widow or a brown recluse (I don't remember; I was very young) while tending to the plants in our backyard. My parents said he just booked it out of the yard. The maid is irrelevant (and so is my family now that I think about) - she was just nice so I thought I'd put her in my story. Another time, I found a tarantula in my bedroom. I was a kid and there was a huge ass spider in my bedroom. I was traumatized - I'm still afraid whenever I go anywhere in the South. There are more stories involving spiders, but I don't remember most of them because I was too young (the only reason I know about them is because my family has told me). Also, there were multiple times I saw rats in the backyard while I was in the pool.

TL;DR: **** Texas, **** their spiders, and **** their rats.
User avatar #70 to #68 - thealmightybadger
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I don't see that as reason to secede in the least.
#72 to #70 - SpaceZombie
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I was just kidding. I thought it was obvious from the image of a duck saying "this is sewious".

I guess not.
#84 to #72 - blackcomet
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
#90 to #84 - SpaceZombie
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
But thanks for the star, man.
#34 - myrtille
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I love how people thumb down the comments supporting the secession of Texas and its neighbors. We just know we could do it, we could stand on our own two feet and get **** done. We're the states who supply most of the ******* military for pete's sake. Of course they'd come back and defend their OWN families and country. The US is too ******* big to have everybody be happy. The rest of the country needs us, and that's why they want to try to scare us away from it.
Tyranny at its best.

Here's a ******* cute picture of a monkey hugging a parrot because I don't want to make you mad. Good night, y'all.
#65 to #34 - lackofcareingerer
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
clearly you do not realize how that works, the U.S. is more likely to sell Texas then just give it away, and i dont think a bunch of bible pushing rednecks could fight off the greatest military in the world in another civil war.
and that wasnt even the economic reasons.

please remove your vocal cords from your anus.
User avatar #112 to #65 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Maybe not, but from what I have learned, as long as an economy can be dependent, why shouldn't it?
I don't doubt that the US would sell Texas before they would give it away.
I'm not saying that they will or that they should, just that I believe that it could.
Especially if it joined with the other states who got enough signatures.
#48 to #34 - ShadeElement
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
From a state twice your size,
with way more strategic military value,
and many times more vital resources,
who actually COULD be our own country (because we practically always have been)

You're cute, Texas. Good luck with that.
#74 to #48 - defeatawkwardness
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Says the state with the most subsidized existence in the country. Tell me, how much do they pay you to live there again?
User avatar #61 to #48 - duudegladiator
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(11/17/2012) [-]
Texas, somewhat like Alaska, has more Oil than the Middle East. It does not have much military value because it isn't 100 miles away from Russia.
User avatar #87 to #61 - blackcomet
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Not to mention Mexico still wants Texas, and are willing to fight us for it if we, by some retarded divine intervention, do secede.
#63 to #61 - lackofcareingerer
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(11/17/2012) [-]
and look how good the middle east is doing!
User avatar #73 to #63 - duudegladiator
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
they dont have federal regulations keeping them from drilling.
#79 to #73 - lackofcareingerer
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(11/17/2012) [-]
well what do you want small government or regulations!
User avatar #88 to #79 - blackcomet
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(11/17/2012) [-]
Both. We have Raytheon, Micropac, and other foreign owned businesses. They provide cheap import and reasonably priced exports for electronics and weapons. Texas gives them a tax break for operating here because they provide jobs and give back into our economy. Oil isn't the only thing we have. Of course since it is owned by people over seas they could decide to move. We're still not seceding though.
User avatar #49 to #48 - myrtille
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(11/17/2012) [-]
I'm not from Texas, but Oklahoma has a lot of the same values. OK obviously couldn't survive on its own.
#50 to #34 - anon id: 0b6265f6
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
You really have no idea how the world works, do you?
User avatar #57 to #50 - myrtille
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Coming from an anon.
User avatar #92 to #34 - ronyx
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(11/17/2012) [-]
That's assuming the 25,674,681 people living in Texas want to secede too. Only a few thousand butthurt faggots want to secede because their favorite candidate didn't win, boo ******* boo.
User avatar #111 to #92 - myrtille
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(11/17/2012) [-]
Not saying that we will or should
Just that we could
#21 - hockeynerd
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
They act like Texas would be ******.. 15th largest economy, their own power grid, AT&T, hot bitches, and why would they be unable to control their own airports? Texas would be the best suited state if one were to secede.
#22 to #21 - anon id: e84161be
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(11/17/2012) [-]
15th largest economy doesn't mean anything; no use having money if it can be taken
#25 to #21 - zeroclassified
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
But Texas doesn't have one thing: one-third of all US Military personel. California has that honor. On another note, they frankly don't have enough to last as an independent nation; they attempted it before, and ended up joining the US because they didn't have the money to support themselves.
User avatar #91 to #25 - blackcomet
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Texas is a moral state. We even have a law, old law but still a law, that roughly states "If a man forces sex on your daughter, you have the right to shoot him". People call us rednecks with guns. That's not too far off. We shoot people on sight for trespassing. Granted we don't have enough military training and our military vehicles and supplies will be taken by the U.S. government, but we're retards with guns and we like to use explosives to go fishing. Twelve tanks against a fat bitch in a hover round with a double barrel shotgun, we got this.
#117 to #91 - zeroclassified
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(11/18/2012) [-]
Last I checked, a US Army Sniper with an M24 or US Navy SEAL with an M14SE can shoot better than a drunken farmer with a .22-cal Remington.
User avatar #36 to #25 - myrtille
Reply -2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
California has a petition too.
#37 to #36 - zeroclassified
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
With far less signatures and a lot more Democrats.
User avatar #39 to #37 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Yeah, only 8 I think have made it to the 25k mark or something. Of course the kim jongistration wouldn't consider it anyway. I think it's unconstitutional now.
I still think that Texas could do it. There are modern countries running on much less than Texas has.
#42 to #39 - zeroclassified
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(11/17/2012) [-]
1st World Countries that are the same size (geographically) as Texas?
User avatar #43 to #42 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Yes, that's what I meant.
User avatar #41 to #39 - myrtille
Reply -1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
what the ****
I try writing adm(i)nistration and it turns it into kim jongistration? ******* adm!n.
#47 to #41 - zeroclassified
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
I'll be damned, you were right!
#46 to #41 - zeroclassified
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(11/17/2012) [-]
Is that so? Let me try it.

kim jong.

A d m i n.