21st century masturbation problems

Holy shit dick nipples what just happened here?

I guess we could call you... Ambisextrous.

yeahbutton.com

raping the shit out of that button makes the city go faster and faster :D

well this is awkward

what did he say?

something about missing his foreskin

How do people make these mistakes....

I accidentally the wrong post, sorry.

you can do it!

Oh God :(

So you basically forced yourself into no-fap november?

Haha, yeah. It's perfect timing too, by the time December comes rolling around, it should be healed up for me to experience the best time of my life!! :D

Okay, well, have a good one.

Thanks!!

you will be extremely loaded for december XD

*lame joke about it snowing in december*

My condolences to your foreskin here have this gif

This isn't helping!!

Oh God I'm dreadfully sorry hopefully these absolutely unattractive girls with amazing butts wearing tight leggings will help.

hf with this

Poor you...
You're gonna miss your foreskin.

Nothing I could really do about it, it looks good though!!

I'm more into uncut...
But how does it feel to be cut?

It's painful now, but in about a months time, it will be so worth it.
Also, the swelling makes it look much bigger for the moment 8-)

Why am I getting red thumbed?

welcome to funnyjunk my friend! a place where people only get red thumbed for original content or if they even ask a question.

You shouldn't be!!
I'm thumbing everyone up, everyone's being friendly and shit, why not share the love :3

shit now you can't pee in the shower and hold your foreskin to watch all the urine pile up in your penis that release that fucking kraken all over your shower floor :O condolences man!

Holy shit, I thought I was the only one to do that!

the universal shower activity man!

I feel sorry for you dude, honestly I do. No one deserves to get their glorious foreskin removed, I wouldn't wish it on an enemy.

why did u cut off part of your penis?

At least you can eat all the ice cream you want now.

or fuck all the ice cream you want.

dude how old are you

Recently turned 16.

that must ve been painful we muslim rarely circumcimise after 6y/o
i remember mine, the guy i don't know if he was drunk or not but he managed to cut a fucking vein . the whole shit lasted more than a half hour instead of 5 fucking minutes, so the anasthetic wore off a little bit and i was awake
took me 3 weeks just to walk

what the fuck

i still have pictures of my bloody wiener surrounded by 5 sissors and bandage and tissues . and the look in the doc's face when stitching me
sometimes when i fap too hardcore i manage to scratch the area with stiches (wich is still fragile after 18 year)

Ouch.

Look on the bright side. You will have no cockcheese.

Than have sex instead.

But I can't.
It's so painful.

why? Are you jewish?

No, it's because I was suffering from phimosis, which is the most annoying this in the world :/

shit, now i feel like a faggot for looking at a wikipedia article with a picture of a dick

Hehehe, the picture on Wikipedia looks worse than mine did :D

I thought i had phimosis, but im 19 now and it got alot better, it just took some time

Why do i always end up talking about my penis when im on funnyjunk??

ah. Okay.

I use my hands, whose do you use?

I use my cats.

Don't they have claws?!

Not if you declaw them first.

not if you kill them first'

I use sparkyoneonetwo 's hands.

I can confirm this

And your mouth.



And various other parts of your body.

mostly my mouth ^^

God I love your mouth.

I third that

I second that.

who was judgeing you??

All of equestria's haters.

NO

Easier for using the mouse. Smart move.

Yep

Samefag, about 4 years ago I noticed that my right arm, shoulder and bicep were bigger than my left, so I switched and now both sides are of equal measure plus to add what implosay said, it's way more convenient if you use your right hand for your mouse

I freaked out when I saw the notification saying that my name has been mentioned popping. Why would you do this to me?

I didn't want to seem disrespectful because I said basically the same thing an hour later than you, plus I like your avatar. Please accept this bowl of delicious ice cream as a gift to ease the anxiety I caused you this evening :)

It's cool man, it was a joke. I'm getting mentioned quite often actually since my friend lists is kinda big and I was pretty popular on the pony thread back then. But hey, that doesn't mean I don't want your bowl of ice cream. Gimme that.

exactly

as do i

I use both hands for an even workout.

One of my friends told me and my friends he has never watched porn and one of my friends told him he was a liar straight away with no hesitation.

He's probably got Poland Syndrome, one of the symptoms is not having a chest muscle on one side

Yeah, I have it but it doesn't hinder me none. Still great at sport and no draw backs bar the aesthetics.

Dominant hand has coordination, the other has more strength. Usually.