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Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the
line when awoman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I' m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn' t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn' t, because I ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I' d lost so pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and lids in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you Feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (l have to mention here that practically everyone in line
was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the
dog Food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire
Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was Laughing so hard.
Walmart won' t let me shop there anymore