Wat?. . Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the line when awoman behind
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Wat?

Yesterday I was at my local Walmart buying a large bag of Purina
dog chow for my loyal pet, jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the
line when awoman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I' m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her
that no, I didn' t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn' t, because I ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I' d lost so pounds before I awakened
in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and lids in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way
that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets
and simply eat one or two every time you Feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it
again. (l have to mention here that practically everyone in line
was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the
dog Food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire
Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was Laughing so hard.
Walmart won' t let me shop there anymore
...
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Views: 60694
Favorited: 413
Submitted: 10/24/2012
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Comments(102):

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User avatar #5 - tobituary (10/24/2012) [+] (6 replies)
Hilarious as it is, shame that last line made it bloody obvious the story was BS
#14 - iRetaliate (10/24/2012) [+] (3 replies)
The Internet: The only place on Earth where you can be banned from locations for being sarcastic.
The Internet: The only place on Earth where you can be banned from locations for being sarcastic.
#38 - DanLacasky (10/25/2012) [-]
Must've been ruff
#68 - ragingflamingos (10/25/2012) [-]
This amuses William Walrus!
#66 - darkrighteosnight (10/25/2012) [-]
Lady- "Do you have a dog?"

You- "No, I have an elephant."

Me- "Her's your sign."
#42 - FlawlessxLawless (10/25/2012) [-]
This same story is all over facebook. Except that the ending ends saying something like "yeah i'll admit I copied it, but you should too, and show your friends." The fact that you changed the ending pretty much showed that you're a like-whore that doesn't like to admit you didn't come up with the joke.
#6 - cptsweatpants (10/24/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#102 - AlmostAmerican (10/25/2012) [-]
Jake the (Wonder) Dog
#56 - stripeygreenhat (10/25/2012) [+] (3 replies)
"What, did she think I have an elephant or something?"

Or, you know, she was trying to strike up a conversation. Maybe cause she thought you were cute or she's just awkward and wants to be friendly.
#51 - mariasaturnina (10/25/2012) [-]
the ladies face when...
the ladies face when...
#23 - stigman **User deleted account** (10/25/2012) [+] (5 replies)
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User avatar #24 to #23 - spawnconnery (10/25/2012) [-]
You should
#29 - gardenmanly (10/25/2012) [-]
A retired person with a dog named Jake?!?!

I want to be your friend
#15 - Karlmarxx (10/24/2012) [+] (1 reply)
User avatar #72 - richardastley (10/25/2012) [-]
Why wouldn't Wal-Mart let him shop there just for telling the cashier a lie?
#53 - enragedanon (10/25/2012) [+] (10 replies)
I ******* hate this post. Even if this were true, why would you be such a dick over some meaningless small talk?
#30 - mexicansylar (10/25/2012) [+] (2 replies)
mfw dog named jake
mfw dog named jake
#84 - fastboy (10/25/2012) [+] (5 replies)
#17 - abovelawl (10/25/2012) [+] (10 replies)
retired people don't use facebook
retired people don't use facebook
#22 to #17 - floofy (10/25/2012) [-]
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#13 - thedarkestrogue (10/24/2012) [-]
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