Attorneys

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things
people actually said in court, word for, word, taken down and now published by
court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your' husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am T, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susana
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This graves, does it affect your' memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your' memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your' daughter, has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar, exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he' s twenty.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your' picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August tth?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laids
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor', I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your' first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your' appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your' attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor', how many of your' autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your' responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8: 30 p. m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on hcml
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor', before you performed the autopsy, did you check for, a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.