Attorneys. . These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for, word, taken down and now pu
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Attorneys

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things
people actually said in court, word for, word, taken down and now published by
court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your' husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am T, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susana
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: This graves, does it affect your' memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your' memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your' daughter, has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar, exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he' s twenty.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your' picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August tth?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laids
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me? Your Honor', I think I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your' first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
ATTORNEY: Is your' appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your' attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor', how many of your' autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
ATTORNEY: ALL your' responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8: 30 p. m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy
on hcml
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh.... are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor', before you performed the autopsy, did you check for, a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for, breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
...
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Submitted: 10/19/2012
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Comments(128):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - harryboom (10/19/2012) [+] (13 replies)
that 5th one reminds me of the babe
#30 - merrymarvelite (10/20/2012) [+] (3 replies)
Has it occurred to anybody else here that maybe lawyers ask stupidly obvious questions so they would then have the witness plainly stating something and having it on the record?
#20 - jzaned (10/20/2012) [+] (1 reply)
MFW when he said "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
MFW when he said "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
#85 - dengekisushi (10/20/2012) [-]
My step dad was a public defender when my mom met him about five years ago, and she went to watch him do his work once.   
There was this murderer who had murdered somebody in Florida, and murdered a woman on a bike trail in Iowa near where I used to live.   
So the murderer is chilling in the stand, and only a few people are there for preparations.   
   
So then the murderer starts subtly checking out my mom, and he leans in to my step dad and says "Who is she?"   
It disturbs me knowing my mom was practically hit on by a serial murderer.
My step dad was a public defender when my mom met him about five years ago, and she went to watch him do his work once.
There was this murderer who had murdered somebody in Florida, and murdered a woman on a bike trail in Iowa near where I used to live.
So the murderer is chilling in the stand, and only a few people are there for preparations.

So then the murderer starts subtly checking out my mom, and he leans in to my step dad and says "Who is she?"
It disturbs me knowing my mom was practically hit on by a serial murderer.
#23 - vukzgbl (10/20/2012) [-]
lost it on voodoo
lost it on voodoo
#1 - SamiGirl (10/19/2012) [-]
Last one is my favorite!
#95 - waffies ONLINE (10/20/2012) [-]
"You remind me of a man!   
   
What man?    
   
the man with the power!   
   
What power?   
   
The power of voodoo!   
   
Who do?    
   
You do!   
   
Do what?   
   
You remind me of a man!"   
   
I coulda sworn the voodoo one was gonna turn into that....
"You remind me of a man!

What man?

the man with the power!

What power?

The power of voodoo!

Who do?

You do!

Do what?

You remind me of a man!"

I coulda sworn the voodoo one was gonna turn into that....
#34 - FJrulez (10/20/2012) [-]
Last one.
Last one.
#81 - TheBigGummyBear (10/20/2012) [-]
Lost it at Oral + the last one
Lost it at Oral + the last one
#65 - ghonosyphlaids (10/20/2012) [+] (1 reply)
I'm a law student, and when you're ad libbing questions that have to be completely open ended, a dreary court room can do funny things to your head. So I really can't ding some of these people on redundant questions, the jackass trying to debate whether the person was dead or not on the other hand, deserves to have a gavel shoved up his ass.
I'm a law student, and when you're ad libbing questions that have to be completely open ended, a dreary court room can do funny things to your head. So I really can't ding some of these people on redundant questions, the jackass trying to debate whether the person was dead or not on the other hand, deserves to have a gavel shoved up his ass.
#33 - filthycog (10/20/2012) [-]
Lost it at "Oral."
#43 - ohemgeezus (10/20/2012) [-]
Lost it all at, "did you actually pass the bar exam"
#40 - arnoldbusk (10/20/2012) [-]
"oral"





He didn't give a **** . Not even one.
User avatar #27 - srskate (10/20/2012) [-]
In reference to some of these, on occasion the lawyer might want to make a piece of information redundant to serve his purpose.
User avatar #46 - Fgner (10/20/2012) [+] (2 replies)
Often attorneys and law practicioners must ask incredibly stupid things like this so they have on record the plain facts for later use. Also, the jury often consists of very stupid people, because the majority of intelligent people can figure out how to get out of it. If you want to win a case, you want to make your points 100% clear to the dumbasses that will be deciding the fate of the case.
#110 - erdbeerbaum (10/20/2012) [-]
all of the above
#94 - grimmwaters ONLINE (10/20/2012) [-]
Man, these attorneys sound like some awkward ******* .
#4 - TheOneKing (10/19/2012) [-]
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