army men

The coward: Every platoon has
one. Everything about: his body
language says he' s hesitant,
afraid, and too busy regretting
all the girls he never kissed
to shoot at anybody. If these
toys were in color, there’ d be
a yellow stain across the front
of his pants.
Yeah, he looks badass.
Like he' s caught in some primal
1: . There are just
two problems: First, that is not:
in any way how a gun works. And
second, he Basically has polio:
If you ever tried to stand him
up, the t: rifle would
topple him right over. He spent
most battles casually leaning
against; jeeps like a worktime
Fonsie.
Nothing exciting to see here,"
says the Binocular Pointing Guy,
fights over there. The only
good thing about: t: his guy is
that there are always a dis-
proportionately large number of
them- For every
badass, there are three
telling him which way to throw.
For some reason, it' s the only
figure you never lose.
You don' t; bring a knife to a
and you don* t bring a
metal detector to a pretend war-
Minesweeper Guy is absolutely
vital in a real war, yes, but no
til year old is spending playtime
painstakingly sweeping the area
for mines. And if they are,
they” re probably autistic and
you should be understanding of
their differences.
Just like Binocular Pointing Guy,
except he has eschewed even the
miniscule value that pointing at:
stuff brings to the battlefield.
There he is, smiling politely
and waving, apparently trying
to introduce himself to war.
Some guys bring bazookas, some
guys bring bayonets; this guy
brought manners.