10 dirty jokes to tell at parties.. perhaps friend request, perhaps?. Ten Dirty Jokes to tell at friend' s parties Ski Lodge: Three guys go to a ski lodge, and
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10 dirty jokes to tell at parties.

perhaps friend request, perhaps?

Ten Dirty Jokes to tell at friend' s parties
Ski Lodge:
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren' t
enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In
the middle of the night, the guy on the right
wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid
dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the
left wakes up. and unbelievably, he' s had the
same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle
wakes up and says, "That' s funny, I dreamed I
was skiing!"
Sperm Bank:
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a
ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the
nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank
vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm
replies. So she opens the door to the vault
and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy
says "Take one of those sperm samples and
drink it!". she looks at him "BUT, they are
sperm samples???" . "DO IT!". So the nurse
sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one
as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as
well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes
off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its
not that hard."
Bottle of Pills:
A lady goes to the doctor' s office and tells
the doctor that she can' t get her husband to
have sex with her anymore. So. the doctor
gives her some pills and says to give her
husband one each night in his dinner whenever
she wants to have sex. That night she gave him
one and they had a decent night of sex. The
next night she decided to try 4 pills and she
had even better sex. Well the next night she
tried 8 pills and the sex was wonderful. So
the next night she decided to dump the whole
bottle in his dinner. The next day her son
showed up at the doctor' s office and and said,
Doctor, Doctor, what did you do to my Daddy?
My mom' s dead, my sister' s pregnant, my butt
hurts, and my dad' s going around saying here
kitty, kitty, kitty!"
Not really dirty, but a
terrible pun:
There was a papa mole, a mamma mole, and a
baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the
country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his
head out of the hole and said, "Mamm, I smell
sausage!" Mamma mole poked her head outside
the hole and said, "Mamm, I smell pancakes!"
Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but
couldn' t because of the two bigger moles. Baby
mole said, "The only thing I smell is
molasses."
Shoe store:
There was a shoe sales man sitting in his
store when a beautiful woman comes in. He
looks at her and can' t stop staring. While
helping her try on a pair of shoes he glances
up her skirt to find she isn' t wearing any
panties. He started thinking and something
slipped out. The man said "I' d like to fill
your pussy with ice cream and lick it all
out!" Hearing this the woman runs out to tell
her husband. She says, "Honey, this shoe
salesman said he' d like to fill my pussy up
with ice cream and lick it all out!" "Now go
kick his ass!". The husband replied "Dear,
anyone that can eat that much ice cream, I
ain' t ******* with!"
Rape is inevitable:
During her annual checkup, the well-
constructed miss was asked to disrobe and
climb onto the examining table. "Doctor." she
replied shyly, "I just can' t undress in front
of you." "All right." said the physician,
I' ll flick off the lights. You undress and
tell me when you' re through." In a few
moments, her voice rang out in the darkness:
Doctor, I' undressed. Hhad shall I do with
my clothes?" "Put them on the chair, on top of
mine."
Prison:
A nerdy accountant is sent to jail for
embezzlement and they put him in a cell with a
huge evil looking guy. The big guy says, "I
want to have some sex. You wanna be the
husband or the wife?" The accountant replies,
Well, if I have to be one or the other, I
guess I' d rather be the husband." The big guy
says, "Okay. Now get over here and suck your
wife' s dick."
Barber shop:
A little boy is sitting in the barber' s chair
and becoming anxious, so the barber gives him
a tootsie roll to keep him quiet. As the
barber trims his bangs, loose hair falls over
his face. "Do you have hair on your goodie?"
asks the barber. "Don' t be silly, you old
pervert! I' m only eight years old!"
Private:
The officer shouted orders to a nearby
soldier. With considerable bravery, the GI ran
directly onto the field of battle, in the line
of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a
dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove
back to safety. "Private." the officer said,
I' m recommending you for a medal. You risked
your life to save the locations of our secret
warehouses."
Warehouses!?" the private shouted. "I thought
you said whorehouses!"
Sex Lives:
Three women were sitting around throwing back
a few drinks and talking about their sex
lives. Karen said, "I call my husband the
dentist because nobody can drill like he
does." Joanne giggled and confessed, "I call
my husband the miner because of his incredible
shaft."
Kathy quietly sipped her whiskey until Joanne
finally asked, "Well, what do you call your
boyfriend?" Kathy frowned and said, "The
postman." "Why the postman?" asked Joanne.
Because, he always delivers late and half the
time it' s in the wrong box."
...
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Views: 50731
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Submitted: 09/16/2012
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#8 - faithrider (09/17/2012) [-]
mfw case of whorehouses
mfw case of whorehouses
User avatar #1 - craftycheesewiz (09/17/2012) [+] (2 replies)
that text hurt my eyes..
User avatar #3 to #2 - EnergizierAnon (09/17/2012) [-]
the text was fine to me.
User avatar #9 - Loppytaffy (09/17/2012) [-]
Usually I'm the firs tto crack a slightly racist joke at a party.
Last party I went to there was an Asian.
I sat in perfect silence for the entire party.
#15 - gravegraffiti (09/18/2012) [-]
Molasses...
Molasses...
User avatar #12 - inuar (09/17/2012) [+] (2 replies)
i don't get the one about the bottle of pills
User avatar #11 - jibb (09/17/2012) [-]
First one's the only good one.
User avatar #10 - twinklyturtles (09/17/2012) [-]
Oh god! the prison joke made it difficult to read the last ones. too funny!
User avatar #7 - ramoner (09/17/2012) [-]
#5 - anonymous (09/17/2012) [-]
During a particularly dry summer a fire had started in the middle of a corn field. The farmer called the fire department and they came as quick as they could to put it out, but due to the lack of rain the fire began to spread much too quickly. Several other nearby fire departments were called in as well to help contain the fire. After a few hours of trying to stop the fire the fire fighters began to wet crops in order to stop the fire from spreading as they could not stop the roaring flames. As the fire fighters began the long tedious task they all heard a familiar sound of the oldest fire engine in the area coming to help. The fire fighters tried to signal the firetruck to slow down but the fire truck did no such thing and barreled headstrong into the roaring blaze and actually managed to finally put out the fire against all odds. After the fire had been fully extinguished the farmer walked up to the chief that was on the oldest fire truck and offered the fire department all of the profits from this years crops in order to thank him for their job well done. The fire chief thanked the farmer for his generous gift and said he would put it to good use. The farmer asked him what he would spend the money on and the fire chief said "Well first of all I'm fixing the god damn brakes on that firetruck."
#4 - karmakoala (09/17/2012) [-]
OP is a god like creature today.
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