Video games from a different perspective

In Skyrim you' re a
psychotic mass murderer
who doesn' t leave any
cave, fort or ruin until
every last living thing
inside is dead.
In Call of Duty you' re the
literal god of war, slaying
thousands of enemies,
healing from bullet
wounds in seconds and
resurrecting after death.
In Super Mario you' re l
vengeful plumber
destroying the homes of
countless meandering
creatures because your
girlfriend left you for a
turtle.
In Portal you' re an
insolent, unstable
lab rat insistent on
disrupting perfectly
good science.
In Grand Theft Auto you' re the
most violent criminal in the
history of the world who can
never die in intensive care and
who keeps paying the police to
let him out with all his weapons.
In The Legend of Zelda you' re a
delusional adventurer who
thinks the best way to save the
world is to break people' s pots,
hack up t eh chickens, and
In Uncharted you' re a racist
murderer who will kill entire
countries worth of brown
people so that you can get
to a lost ancient city you will
then proceed to destroy.
In Pokemon you' re a
sadist who enslaves
local wildlife and
forces them to fight
each other for amuse-
ment and cash.
In Saints Row you' re a kind-
hearted buffoon who goes
around brightening people' s
days as you run around
topless while beating gang
members with a giant dildo bat.
In Mass Effect you' re a
dirtbag who thinks the
salvation of the galaxy is
found inside each of your
crew member' s pants.