THE NEXT TIME YOU TEE YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY:,
Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned out section of
forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male
was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scuba tanks on his back,
flippers, and facemask. A " revealed that the person died not from
burns, but from massive internal injuries.
Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set
about to determine how a fully clad diver ended up in the middle of a fore st
fire. It was revealed that on the day ofthe fire, the person went for a
diving trip offere coast some 20 miles from the forest. The firefighters,
seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, called in a fleet of
helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and
then flown to the forest fire and emptied.
You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the
Pacific, the next he was doing the breaststroke in a fire dip bucket 300
feet in the air. Apparently he extinguished exactly 5' 10" of the
fire. Some days itjust doesn' t pay to get out of bed.
This article was taken from the California Examiner, March 20, 1998.
STILL TEE YOU ARE HAVING A BAD DAY?
A man was working on his motorcycle on his patio and his wife was in the
kitchen. The man was racing the engine on the motorcycle when it
accidentally slipped into gear. The man, still holding onto the
handlebars, was dragged through the glass patio doors and along with the
motorcycle dumped onto the floor inside the house. The wife, hearing the
crash, ran into the dining room and found her husband lying on the floor,
cut and bleeding, the motorcycle lying next to him, and the shattered patio
The wife ran to the phone and summoned the ambulance. Because they lived
on a fairly large hill, the wife went down the several flights of stairs to
the street to escort the paramedics to her hush and. After the ambulance
arrived and transported the man to the hospital, the wife
uprightly the motorcycle and pushed it outside.
Seeing that gas was spilled on the floor, the wife got some paper towels,
blotted up the gasoline, and threw the towels in the toilet. The man was
treated and released to come home. Upon arriving home, he looked at the
shattered patio door and the damage done to his motorcycle. He became
despondent, went to the bathroom, sat down on the
toilet and smoked a cigarette. After finishing the cigarette, he flipped
it between his legs into the toilet bowl while seated. The wife, who was
in the kitchen, heard the loud explosion and her husband screaming. She
ran into the bathroom and found her hush and lying on the floor. His trousers
had been blown away and he was suffering burns on the buttocks, the back of
his legs, and his groin.
ithe wife again ran to the phone to call the ambulance. The very same
crew was dispatched and the wife met them at the street. The
paramedics loaded the husband onto the stretcher and began carrying him to
While they were going down the stairs to the street accompanied by the
Wife, one of the paramedics asked the wife how the husband had burned
hiimself. She told them and the paramedics started laughing so hard, one of
tthem slipped and tipped the stretcher, dumping the husband out. He fell down
We remaining stairs and broke his arm.
i/ Taken from a Florida Newspaper.
STILL HAVING A BAD DAY?
remember, it could be worse.....
ithe average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill
iin Alaska was , 000. At a special ceremony, two ofthe most expensively
paved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers
land applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer
Whale ate them both.
A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in
order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of
wheedling, he snapped and beat ,, pt,, r, with an axe leaving her
ﬂ woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically
with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric
mkettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him
laith a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking
Ms arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to
animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending pigs
Ho a slaughterhouse in Bonn Germany. Suddenly the pigs, all two thousand of
athem, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two
leafless protesters to death.
iframe terrorist, Khai , didn' t pay enough postage on a letter bomb.
came back with "return to sender" stamped on it. Forgetting it was the
omt: -. he opened it and was blown to bits.
isheep thoughts.... Jack Handey
Your day' s not so bad, is it?
The next time you' re having a bad day, imagine this:
re a Siamese twin.
brother, attached at your shoulder, is gay.
i You' re not.
lhe has a date coming over today.
iput you have the only ass.
Aanother one p
Are ya havin' a Bad Day????
In a hospital I s Intensive Care Unit, patients always died in
the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11: 00 a. m.,
regardless eitheir medical condition.
mania his no In I' ll“ -‘H was so our
This puzzled the doctors and some even thought it had
something to do with the supernatural. No one could solve the
mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11: 00 a. m. on
Sunday, so a worldwide team of exp ens was assembled to
investigate the cause of the incidents.
The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11: 00 a. m., all
of the doctors and nurses nervously waited outside the ward to
see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about.
Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer books, and other holy
objects to ward off' the evil spirits.
Just when the clock struck 11: 00, Pookie Johnson, the partytime
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support
system so he could use the vacuum cleaner.