The Perfect Poop:
Throw. A. Party.
You Just had the most perfect
poop evar!! You sat on the pot
ready to poop, you hardly
pushed at all and it Just slid
right out'. It went right into the
toilet and didn' t even splash
you back! You Barely even
felt it come out But you look
in the toilet and have proof
that it did! You grab a few
sheets of toilet paper and
wipe Just to Fatt out you
didn' t even need ton there is
no mess in the toilet paper'.
You stand up and look in the
toilet and you might as well
cry. It' s the most picture
perfect poop you' ever
taken! It' s the right shade of
Brown and n one piece'.
Well done soldier!
one wipe for
scouting purposes, But
none after that.
Due to popular demand I shall throw this one in the mix!
The cliffhanger Poop:
You' re poop is Just on
the cusp on your butthol t' s
almost all the way out, But there
is something that' s Just holding it
in! You' tried nixing you' re
Butthole you' tried bouncing up
and down on the seat, and now
yourlust left with shimmying until
it plops down into the murky
water below. If you' re lucky 1 out
of the 3 techniques I Just listed
above will work for you. But for
those of you who aren' t that
lucky, you have to settle with
wiping the poop out of your
butthole... which gets incredibly
Usually soft and almost
If the poop fell off: Minimal.
If the poop did not fall off:
Be very careful with the wipe. You
want to actually Just knock the poop
out of your butthole rather than wipe
it off. If you do that latter, you will
have a messy buttcrack
and need more ing material.
The Drunk Poop:
Ugh... I hate this one.
You ate waylay too much at the
party and to top it off, you had
waylay too much to drink. Jello
shots and jack and coke don' t mix
well AT ALL. You feel like shit and
it' s about to start 'Uing out of you
if you don' t Fatt a Bathroom quick'.
You run to the nearest one you
know of, But once you walk in the
door, you faceplant on the ground.
You don' t have the energy or the
sta y to stand back up and sit
on the pot. You get in the most
versatile tion (praying to
allah) and let loose. You' re so
disoriented and disgusted about
how terrible your crap smells,
you decide to barf all over the
nator that your face is currently
one' with. Termite's not the
of your weekend.
Depends on what you
ate while drinking-
Hot Wings - lumpy
Pizza Rolls - lumpy
Bread - super soft
used toilet paper'. t' s not very
The Pea Shooter Poop:
Duck and cover!! You
may think this poop is going to Be a
solid snake, But that' s where you' re
wrong'. Your ass might as well be a
gun Because these
suckers are 'Umg'. They come
out of your Butt at
speeds! They might
even crack the ceramic that your
toilet is made out on Safety First,
WEAR A HELMETS.
The Small Doses Poop:
You sit down for a nice
poop, ready to take the load off
after a long day. You sit and wait
patiently Because you don' t have
anywhere to go for a wht and
you can Just relax. But this isn' t
the relaxing poop that I
described waylay earlier, and
you soon realize that...
Instead of everything coming out at
once, your poop decides to take it' s
sweet time. one by one, as if in
single me your little people's fall
out of your Butt and into the toilet.
You Begin to grow impatient
Because you' Been sitting there
for almost 2 hours now and your
poop still isn' t complete! You kinda
wanted to go to the Bar tonight and
throw down a few brewskies with
the guys... But instead you' re
waiting for you poop.
Your anger builds as your poop
depletes. The guys are already at
the Bar and blowing up your phone
Because they don' t know where
you are. You decide that the Best
thing to do is to power push those
last inces out. You push and
strain until you swear you' re going
to pass out'.
After a few more hours of pushing
the last few people's out, it actually
worked! The only problem is, they
ripped you up from the i side out as
they popped out of you. You' Been
sitting on the pot for close to T
hours now at about a rate of one
peopled per hour. You Barely
unleashed enough poop to a shot
glass, you didn' t get to drink with
your friends, and it' s too late to
improve your night because you
have to get up for work the next
day! WORST. POOP. EVERARD.
They come out so slowly
and so far in Between that you
didn' t keep track.
None for the poop, all for
Thank you guys so much for everything! This will be my last
poop post'. I' m glad that I was able to supply my fellow
Funnyjunkies with all the
Stay funny Funnyjunk!