This is why Law & Order is always on.. Because then we'd have no faith in america's court system. Which we don't.. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: N
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This is why Law & Order is always on.

Because then we'd have no faith in america's court system. Which we don't.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, Ijust lie there.
ATTORNEY: This graves, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: Iforgot.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, "isn' t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn' t
know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the , how old is he?
WITNESS: He' s twenty, much like your IO.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you ******** me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (ofthe baby) was August tth?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, Ithink I need a different attorney.
Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was scurfiest marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about 20, medium height, and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I' m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All ofthem. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8: 30 p. m.
ATTORNEY: And, Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you chestfor a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you chestfor blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you chestfor breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in ajar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
...
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Views: 38773
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Submitted: 08/04/2012
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Comments(103):

[ 103 comments ]

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#29 - jokersaysamuseme (08/05/2012) [+] (4 replies)
"How many were boys?"
"None."
"How many were girls?"
User avatar #6 - dranixolf (08/05/2012) [-]
Got me at Oral
User avatar #12 - psialocyan (08/05/2012) [+] (3 replies)
is it bad i thought the attorney was a woman when reading this?
User avatar #37 - thetattooedone (08/05/2012) [+] (5 replies)
These are fake. Just sayin.
#43 to #39 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [-]
That's because you're a nobody.
#67 - peacetoad (08/05/2012) [-]
yes
#10 - jrondeau **User deleted account** (08/05/2012) [-]
Seriously, this 						****					 is still funny every time I see it.
Seriously, this **** is still funny every time I see it.
#35 - xmenfan (08/05/2012) [+] (2 replies)
You remind me of the babe   
What babe? babe with the power   
What power? power of voodoo   
Who do? you do   
Do what? remind me of the babe   
(related to third one)
You remind me of the babe
What babe? babe with the power
What power? power of voodoo
Who do? you do
Do what? remind me of the babe
(related to third one)
User avatar #8 - rosehito (08/05/2012) [+] (4 replies)
LOL!
Source!
#14 to #13 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [-]
User avatar #5 - aahrg (08/05/2012) [-]
ATTORNEY: why do you want a divorce? is she a nagger?
WITNESS: nah, she's white
#15 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [+] (2 replies)
that was the funniest thing ive seen in a long time.
#68 - darkrei (08/05/2012) [-]
dammit,wright,get it together!
dammit,wright,get it together!
#20 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [+] (5 replies)
Power of voodoo.
Who do?
You do?
Do what?
Power of the babe.
#74 - callmesenpai (08/05/2012) [-]
MORE!!
#80 - FelipeRuiz (08/05/2012) [-]
Oral.
Oral.
#7 - thatonesmartdude (08/05/2012) [-]
Comment Picture
#72 - anonymous (08/05/2012) [+] (2 replies)
Half of all of these are fake. The responses were all added by someone thinking their witty, a lot of these are in the Uncle John's Bathroom readers and none of them had the people calling the lawyer an idiot. (Uncle John would have published it if they had)
#42 - GmCity (08/05/2012) [-]
Have not seen this in a while, and it's still funny, 10/10 for reposting.
+5
#36 - thatguynobodylikes **User deleted account** has deleted their comment [-]
#2 - anonymous (08/04/2012) [-]
One of my favorites on the site old repost but nevertheless a funny one
[ 103 comments ]
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